misSOULa

As I adapt back into the routine of being a regular 21 year old college student again in Montana, my time away from Seattle and my life with an "adult" schedule has given me so much more perspective about my life in Missoula.

A month into my summer, I was ready to take a year off of school to establish residency, keep my internship, work like a maniac, and become a permanent "adult". I loved my summer. It was absolutely the internship of my dreams and being in Seattle was undoubtedly the place I was meant to be for where I was in my young adulthood. I have no doubts about why I was meant to be there when I was. 

But coming back to Montana after spending a summer with more responsibility than I've ever had has made me see, too, that the real world is always there. It's never too soon to start on your dreams and I definitely couldn't agree more on that front, but there's also something about enjoying this time in my life that's important, too. I was so anxious to find some sort of direction for myself and felt such a strong urgency to get started on some sort of idea of what I wanted my future to look like. Now that I've gotten that sense of direction for myself and know that the "real world" is there, I don't feel the same urgency to fret about my future. I have everything lined up for myself set in a direction I'm excited about. I'm working the hardest I've ever worked in school because I'm excited about what I'm learning. I value my education more than I ever did, too. And instead of being worried about what happens after college, I'm excited. But I also don't really feel myself counting down the days until it's over or want it to go too fast.

Missoula has been a treat this semester. I've enjoyed this little city more than I ever have in 3 years of living here. I missed the intimacy of this community. Leaving Seattle and coming back to Missoula has allowed me to value so many things about Missoula I didn't see as being a luxury before. Like having a 15 minute bike ride commute to school but still having a Target and a strong music culture. Like having mountains in my backyard to hike at a moments notice. Like a downtown that's small and cozy. Like a group of friends that are fun and easy to hang out with. 

I love this place. I still love Seattle. I still want to move back there. Just not yet. 

the seattle summer i stunk at blogging

Let's all say it together: Maggie, you suck at blogging. You S-U-C-K at blogging. It's pretty abismal, really.

Tonight on the ferry I thought about all of the memories and things I've done in Seattle this summer. I could fill a book with all of the thoughts and memories I had. And yet, so few of them made it to this here public blog. It was a time of trial and error, fixing and discovering, and evaluating and thinking. It was a selfish summer spent entirely on myself. But I don't think that's entirely it, either. I kind of think if I lived in the city permanently, I would probably remain a pitiful excuse for a blogger, not because I don't love recording my life and sharing it, but because I love taking advantage of being where I am, too. I love taking 10:55pm ferries home and not having a second to blog. I love making every experience count and I love that everything is an experience. I love never being bored.

Maybe I'll wish I'd blogged better in a few months when I'm so Seattle nostalgic I reread everything I wrote. Maybe I'll wish I took more pictures. But, I also think fully being present opened up opportunities I wouldn't have had stuck behind a computer, too.

Anyhow, as I write this, the present feels like a profound moment of sorts. I did indeed take the 10:55pm ferry home tonight and it was the last ferry back to the Island I'll take for the summer. And, I got to take my mom home with me tonight, who is presently sleeping in the bed I've slept in for 3 months next to me conked out. I don't know if it's really sunk in that everything is in its "last" stages- last night's sleep, last drive through the forest home, last breakfast on the porch- but I also think that as much as I'm going to miss Seattle, none of it actually feels that final because I don't think it is. I know I'll be back.

a bad day blogged about because

I've started over and rewritten this post, tried to write another one entirely, and then started again. It's no use. I can't write about anything else because this is what I'm thinking about.

If I'm being totally honest with this blog, yesterday something bad happened in the morning right outside my office and it sort shook me. It took 3 months to muster the sort of "city confidence" I've built to walk around the city alone and skirt around questionable people and areas without much thought. The city is just not something I grew up experiencing. The scarier sides are an extreme I've never seen in a cozy small college town. When I say it took a long time to become comfortable, I mean it took me a long time to feel safe.

Which was my problem, really. And truthfully, these kind of incidents can happen anywhere, even in my small hometown. It can happen at any time, at the building where you work or the street you walk on every day. I spent the morning feeling like I just wanted Idaho back and I wanted my internship to be over now. Walking across the street to the Post Office, I kept my head down and sped walked as fast as I could. I might have hated Seattle for a second.

My night turned the day upside down. I fell in love with the city again. I realized how silly I was. I realized how naive I was to think that I could ever feel 100% safe anywhere. I realized I hung onto that confidence for the sake of putting on a brave face because I'd been totally on my own first five weeks I was here. I felt like I had to feel confident or I'd crumble. No single place is perfect. And the things that Seattle has given me are so much more than a random act of violence. I saw the city from a new perspective, both literally and figuratively, and walked through it in the evening sunshine, tense at first, but slowly with more comfort. I walked back to my ferry stop slightly anxious but okay again. I got it back. I couldn't love this city more. It's a wonderful place not without its faults but it has a whole lot of positive things about it, too.

It was a bad day. But it was a lot worse for other people and in the end the person I feel worse for, is the one who did it. 

three months ago, i had never lived in seattle before

Today I rode the ferry for the 7th to last time. Today I fell asleep on said ferry and woke myself up choking on my own drool for the 2nd day in a row. 

Today I smiled when my favorite coffee barista at Starbucks wrote my name on my cup with three exclamation points and a, "I love your glasses!" Ignoring the fact that this is Seattle and everyone has big glasses here. Big hair in Texas? Big glasses in Seattle.

Today I sent in my resume to a new internship that I'm excited about. In Montana.

Today I leave for a weekend trip to Idaho where I will see my sister for the last time for four months before she goes to college on the opposite coast. 

Today I got a card in the mail from Amy that said, "Live your life the way you dream it." I'm all about the corny. How does she know that's how life has felt for three months now?

Today I trained the new "me". The new intern who will take over my job when I leave. 

I leave in seven days. I'm ready for the future this summer has created for me but I'm also absolutely not. 

Three months ago, I had never lived in Seattle before. Me without Seattle doesn't even seem real anymore.

mondays in seattle

After a SERIOUS case of the Mondays this morning, it wasn't even barely half bad the second I left the house. The universe was like, here, Maggie, I know it's a Monday after a glorious three day weekend but the world out there isn't so bad outside the house you're living in on Bainbridge Island!

It started with my favorite British man I've ever met (I say met only because I haven't met One Direction YET) who, upon taking two steps into the bus and swiping my pass said, "My, is that a cup of tea or coffee in your awesome mug?" It's not just the British accent- he also has a four year old son he takes to Preschool every morning that, rain or shine, wears a full rain body suit zip-up-the-front and everything style. I replied, "Coffee." He moaned and said, "You know, tea with jam and sugar is even better." Maybe it was the accent. But seriously, his child is adorable.

Then at lunch, my intern friends tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Come on! We're going to the public library!" The public library? Turns out every first and third Monday of the month, a librarian reads stories for thirty minutes during lunch. The seven of us walked in among a bunch of the cutest elderly crowd I would definitely sit around with for tea, with jam and sugar. The librarian on board for the reading today read a science fiction thriller story and it was like listening to the best audiobook you've ever listened to. Different voices for every character with their own body language and gestures. It was superb. Never mind that I was sadly reminded I won't be here for the third Monday this month.

I only had to do data entry and donor research all day so that means... Netflix on my phone all day long while also working! ...It's okay, I promise. My boss encourages it. 

Computer problems that meant a 4:40pm ferry ride home and taking off my pants the second I walked in the door and spending all evening reading on the porch. Is Bainbridge Island the life, or is it the life?

So, maybe it just was an average day. But an average day is still a five star Monday. But, seriously, the Public library here? Nothing like it. Another thing to love about Seattle.

playing catch up (with photographs, even)

Today is a rest day. Designated rest days MUST happen approximately every 18.3 days in my Seattle world. As in, I need to spend on day on the Island not in Seattle and preferably outside on the deck reading for an entire day, eating home-cooked meals, and taking a really long time to drink my morning three cups of coffee. After two weekends of day to night activities back to back all day long and 21 experiencing, it was due. In fact, I could blog about what I've decided about the bar life but I'll leave that for when I've been to more than just one. I don't think I'd be doing nightlife a service judging all bars by one country bar in Tacoma that was only fun because I was 21, you dig me? I've seen those real Montanian cowboys and I barely like them, so the fake ones, well, don't get me started.

I guess I'm the sort of person that has friends that fly to visit me so for the last two weeks I had friends here sharing the adorable Jack and Jill style bathroom in the house I live in with me. That meant voyaging via bus to the most exciting parts of the city because, and I can promise you this, if you visit me, I will try to give you the best bang for your Ticketcity-plane-ticket buck. There was the Woodland Park Zoo and Seattle Center day, there was the Fremont Troll and Gas Works day, there was the Queen Anne Kerry Park AND Bhy Kracke Park day, there was the UDistrict and UVillage day, there was the Tacoma bar night, there was the Capitol Hill thrifting day, and finally the Bainbridge Island days. 

This is why I have to deny all plans thrown at me on the occasional Saturday. I can't keep up with myself. And I can't really afford it- especially when I play personal shopper for my sister and buy her trooper olive green slouchy jackets that are too perfect for words. 

And here's where I admit that I took zero pictures with my camera for any of this. Are we still friends?

I got to spend time with my friend who flew here from Montana and got to see for myself what a new-to-the-city-Montanian looks like and probably what I looked like when I first got here. For example, when she saw a cute dog, she voiced how adorable it was and how it reminded her of her own very loudly hoping the owner would stop so she could pet it. He didn't bother glancing at us let alone stopping and I had to tell her that is not how the city works. Then there was the time we saw protestors stopping pedestrians to sign their petitions and I told her to keep her head down and ignore them- guess who got stuck listening to their speech for thirty minutes? And then I got to hang out with none other than the funniest person I've ever known. Sydney has a heart of gold and I like to think she fell a little bit in love with Island life, too. I know she liked Island driving (if you visit me, I might make you be my chauffeur when I have an expired license, too.) 

The highlight of these past two weeks was laughing, effortlessly and completely. There's nothing like giving yourself to a full hearty laugh, you know? No walls, no worries- that sort of thing? The kind of thing you're hesitant to do when you're among friends you just met at work who you're afraid won't invite you to sit with them at lunch if you're too weird too soon. 

Anyways, I need to find a job. Or SOME jobs. I'm mostly to the not so homeless thing now but I need some bucks and I'm worried about what I'm going to do if I'm not as busy as I am now during the school year. 

my place

I haven't been blogging much. Which was more or less due to just falling behind on documenting everything and then it became somewhat intentional because (...wait for it), I started to become sort of enamored with not lugging my camera around everywhere and just enjoying people I was with instead of taking pictures of our coffee in coffee shops.

After I hit my homesickness wall and everything snowballed into a sob fest in Riteaid, I sort of think I've maybe slid into a steady and solid spot that's my own in Seattle. I found my place. I've become close to the other Interns in the office who I eat lunch with and spend breaks with. The people I live with are nothing short of welcoming and kind, showing me the life of good wine, kayaking adventures in the Puget Sound, and the well cooked vegetable. The people I mentioned in a post a while back that were regular appearances in my life are sort of kind of "friends"? A Seattle family of acquaintances, maybe? 

For example, I walked into the Office Max by my building that I frequent while running errands for my office and as I passed the customer service desk, waved to my pal who I now know has worked there for six years and left her family in Ghana who she hopes she will be able to move to Seattle someday. 

"Make sure you only go to me!" she said as I passed her. Like that's even a question.

I got everything on my list- a pen cartridge refill, name labels, card-stock, and white, and got in her line. As soon as I got to the front she came around the desk and gave me a hug and said, "Maggie! It feels like forever since I've seen you! You must not have had any events lately?!" Because, well, she knows my job and knows what's up when I'm in there every day for a week. I shook my head, no.

"I've missed you, (*insert name which I won't disclose to the internet*), too!" I said.

"You know, Maggie, it's so nice to see a regular face in the city, you know?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "And it's especially nice to see a regular face as nice as yours."

"You are family, Maggie! My Seattle family!" she said, hugging me.

She said more kind things and you know, we may not technically be family let alone friends, but it has made all the difference in the world for the past few weeks to be able to float around the city as still as an anonymous nobody to people around me but to have those safe-zones of comfort whether it be my office, Office Max, my favorite Starbucks, and Quodoba. It makes the city a lot less lonely and I've just felt at home. It's good. 

Psst... aren't you so sick of my life revelations about every week? I am, too. But I'm half convinced that's just being in my early twenties. Right? Am I telling myself this to make myself feel better? Right.

There isn't a grilled cheese like a Mom's grilled cheese

In three days I have asked my Mom to make me a grilled cheese three times. It dawned on me the first time I moved out of my parents' house that no grilled cheese will ever tast the same as my Mom's. Even the best grilled cheese sandwiches I've ever had (Beechers and Red Robin),as good as they are, just don't taste the same. For three years I have eagerly looked forward to coming home to Moms' grilled cheese. However, in the past few days I have had an even more unusual than normal close attachment to my Moms' grilled cheese. While mulling over the reasons behind what made my sandwich so dang great after the third day of having a grilled cheese for lunch, it dawned on me that the reason it tasted and felt so much better than normal had everything to do with what one of my best friends said about living in a city for the first time. 

Upon coming home and nestling into the comforts of the life I knew for 18 years, it took no time at all to feel like I was in high school again driving a 1983 Subaru with horrible side bangs. Surely, I've noticed and appreciated things about my small hometown now that I've experienced the very opposite of it day after day, but also in falling back into my regular routines I've seen that it's exactly that comfortable routine that is so different than my life in Seattle. In Seattle, every single thing is a new experience to me. In both Moscow and Missoula, my life is already laid out for me. Everything is comfortable. I know those places in and out. I know my place and I have my niches. In Seattle, I eat at different places every single time I eat out. I explore different parts of the city every weekend. I'm always on high alert mode so that I am on track to get to and from where I need to go. Mentally, it's a completely different way of life, too. Seattle requires my undivided attention. It almost feels like a game sometimes as to whether I can really do it all.

One of my closest friends from Moscow is living in a city in France for the summer and for all of next semester. We were talking about how life in Moscow and living in a city is so drastically different from one another and what parts of it we liked and didn't like when she commented on the fact that the biggest shock isn't the fast paced way of life in a city, but rather how it feels to simply not have any ties to the city or much of a bearing on where we are. I know what she means. I feel like I could spend every single day doing something in a new part of the Seattle area without ever getting bored or repeating a day once. I simply can't ever know Seattle as well as I know Moscow or Missoula and surely not in a summer. I feel like I'm running around with my head cut off most of the time without ever really attaching any ties to any one place here. I may like a coffee shop next to my work or enjoy a sandwich at the shop down the block but I have no memories anywhere. Building a new life is so new and liberating but at times emotionally exhausting. I know there have been moments when I just wished I could have a pocket of the city that was strictly my own that I could attach the same feelings of comfort to, similar to the feeling of my mom making me a grilled cheese in the kitchen of the house I grew up in. Which might be asking for too much, however, even in Missoula I have those places I go to that are always a comfort because they remind me of some memory or they're part of my routine somehow.

It's confusing at times. I'm having the time of my life and then I have crippling moments of anxiety when I wish I could just experience five minutes of home. It's pushing me and I know it's making me reach harder than ever to make those ties to my surroundings. At the same time, Seattle seems to be a place that I've been able to see myself thriving in more than any other place I've ever visited. Settling and creating a life takes time. I'm starting to get to the phase of settling with friends I see regularly and places I've started to frequent. That helps. And even being home, I'm reminded that my time in Moscow has expired and my place is in all of the unfamiliarity that Seattle offers.

But sometimes, I just wish those pockets of comfort were as accessible as Moms' grilled cheese. And I've soaked up my time at home as much as possible to take the feeling back with me to Seattle.

because cats and sundays

This weekend I just sort of put away the camera. All weekend long. And I just had sort of a thoughtless weekend. No running around the city, no 12 hour long parking fees, no navigating, no "figuring out"- none of it. It was easy and so, so good. Part of my Seattle mentality has been to do everything I can possibly do when I'm not at work because it's Seattle after all and I want to take advantage of it as much as I can, but this weekend after just taking it easy I realized how silly I was for thinking I couldn't take advantage of my time here without going into the city. My go-go-go all the time lifestyle as its been can unpause every now and then and you know, the world won't end and I won't regret a day not adventuring in the city after all. I'm glad I figured that out. Because quite seriously, the Puget Sound is in my background and provided hours upon hours of pure bliss on Sunday.

(Little unknown secret I feel safe sharing now that I don't live alone and the family I'm staying with is back: I'm living on an island close to Seattle and commute into the city every day by ferry.)

SO! Because I left my camera in its place on my nightstand, a couple of uncategorized happenings in my life lately include: the Jim to my inner Pam/future Marshall environmental lawyer turned out to kind of sort be the opposite of grand (but all's well that ends well and by ends well I mean a milkshake and shrug because cats), writing things (real things! like, things that I like sort of like things! like, fiction and stories! and I'm not ashamed to admit that to the world!), making a brand spankin' new friend in Seattle after working with her at the event last week and ending our goodbye with, "Hey, so I don't have many friends, want to hang out sometime?!" and she said I seemed awesome so I skipped away like a happy clam, planning for two of my favorite people to visit me because while I so badly wish going to Austin to meet 20 of the best people I've ever met on the internet could have worked out with my work schedule and vacation time, instead two of my friends willingly spent money on plane tickets to hang out with me on my 21st birthday at the end of the month, and arrangements have been made so that I can go home for the long 4th weekend before I go on vacation with my family to our annual camping reunion.

Huzzah! All good things and only good things are happening in my neck of the woods. ALSO, HELLO JULY! July is kind of my fave. 

capable or something like it

Tonight this little thing that has been sort of my baby that I've slowly grown emotionally attached to its success of because of my hours of tedious work fine tuning everything to be perfect finally came to be. It happened. All of the details came together; floor plans were made three dimensional, arrangements were finalized, and introductions were made .

Tonight I realized how far I've come in just a month at the sort of thing my job requires which includes a whole lot of self confidence (because the number of times you're shot down is much higher than the number of times you're received kindly) and a sort of suave charm. A kind of charming that is very warm and sincere but without being bubbly or sweet- which is exactly that kind of thing comes across as fake. I fueled myself up on carbs and water all day just so that nothing, no emotion or thought, would be forced. Whether it was my experience that pulled through or preparations, it worked. Tonight I mingled and suave-charmed my way around a room of 250 strangers and didn't blink once.

Tonight I wore heels for nine hours straight and my feet didn't hate me. This has to be some sort of coming of age miracle. 

Tonight I think I realized what is so good about my job that goes beyond the job description. The fact is, the people I'm surrounded by are people I look up to and aspire to be like someday.

Tonight I drove myself back home from the Ballard neighborhood in Seattle at 10pm. Having missed my ferry and with 45 minutes of spare free time, I drove myself to a burger place I went to with friends two weeks ago, navigated there without my phone's GPS, and then got myself to Kerry Park alone to consume the best peanut butter oreo milkshake in the world. I didn't even bring my phone with me. I didn't take any pictures. It wasn't the vast rolling hills in front of me like I was talking about missing the other day, but it was the first quiet peaceful moment I've had by myself in weeks. And, I let myself absorb the last month fully. At the end of those 45 minutes what I decided after trying to organize my thoughts about the last month was quite simple: that I am proud of myself.

Tonight when someone asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I said I didn't know, but I wanted to write about things I loved, whether that be the world, the people in it, the environment, or just my lovely stupidly wonderful life- I didn't know. And he said, "You'll do it." Tonight I felt capable.

we went to Ivar's!

We had one of those nights where every single thing we planned to do fell through. I mean, we didn't just resort to plan B, we went through plans A-D until we finally threw the towel in. And it was then that our unplanned evening turned into a fantastically unexpected low key but still fun night. I'll be honest, though, it had a lot to do with these seagulls. And I think just maybe these might be the best pictures that have ever, ever been posted on this blog or will ever. Would you just look at that picture of my face reacting to the two seagulls about to lunge for my face!? Spoiler alert: they fought over the French fry, but they never actually flew directly, erm, into my face. Like I thought.

Anyways, when going to the Smith Tower or Colombia Tower or go on the Ghost Tour or Underground Tour OR the Duck Tour ALL fell through (schedules, reservations, private parties ect.), my friend Collin said simply, "Alright, Ivar's it is." To which I thought that this plan just stunk because what was so special about Ivar's? Granted, I'm not a sea food eater, so you might feel me there, but if he had said that you ate outside and that you were allowed to feed the Seagulls that hang out with you while you eat, I might have thought differently. We laughed and screamed for a solid hour after our food was consumed as Seagulls swooped in and caught our French Fries from our fingers as we waved our hands in the air. Of course, it took me a dozen times to get it right because Jenny said, "Maggie, be careful, they have razor sharp beaks," so I was convinced my fingers would be pricked but nothing of the sort happened.

I think going to Ivar's and feeding Seagulls might be my new "thing" in the city to do whenever I'm in a bad mood and need a quick fix. If you've never squawked with a Seagull and happen to have nothing to do in Seattle, go to Ivar's. 

and now for the BEST sequence of pictures to have ever 

been posted ever:

TIRED.

No, no, I've actually tried to write three separate blog posts today and I dramatically threw my hands up in the air after the last pathetic attempt deciding to just be real with all of you people (who are you people!? I forget anyone reads my blog; regardless of those blog stats, I'm still convinced no one does): today I am TIRED. I could probably write two thousand words about my tiredness right now along with a number of things that's happened in my life lately and thoughts I'm having. But I'm just too sleepy to even attempt it.

My tiredness is a brand new kind of tired. It's a tiredness that not only comes from the end of a long day, but a tiredness in feeling like I'm always on high alert. I'm always observing, always making note of the couple holding hands in front of me that should be on a postcard and the homeless man with the sign that says "God taught me to be honest and I need money for weed", and always aware. It's a lot to take in all the time and part of me sees something, jots it down, and can't wait to revisit that memory later when I'm back in Montana where life is more flexible and shock absorbant. All of these snippets from my day are being stacked on top of one another and wedged into slivers of my brain but at the end of the day, it sometimes feels like there's no more room for anything else. I simply can't process anything and it all blurs together. I can't fit it all on my blog or in my journals or even to another person that asks me, "How's Seattle?"

That is a tiredness I've never known. In Montana and Idaho, I'm usually grappling for the kinds of things that you see everywhere you look in Seattle. In Montana and Idaho, I make a big deal out of the smallest things whereas here, the small things stand great all on their own without any frills. I'm tired, in the best most fulfilling way I've known, but in a way that also makes me wish for some time in the rolling hills of the Palouse for my thoughts to just sit in my head to feel some solidarity about it all. 

meeting Megan & Liz, Fremont's Summer Solstice fair, and the UDistrict

So, a few weeks ago, I was caught. And I realized I've basically lost my credibility completely. Because after I eat anything I eat in Seattle, I say affirmatively, "This is the BEST (*insert food type*) I have EVER eaten!". I've had the best Mac&Cheese, Pho (!!!), cookies, scones, strawberries that took me 8 bites to finish, coffee, chai tea lattes, crepes, Indian food- the best everything. Everything is just the best here. Woops. Dillon released the cat from the bag and found me out. So, maybe, you can't really believe anything I say when I say it's the GREATEST something on the planet but I think that has less to do with it being the actual best scone or strawberry and more to do with the fact that it's all so new and intoxicating and maybe, yeah, it possibly is the best scone I've ever had because I don't have a strong background in living in cities where there are specialists for every type of food there is.

I'm just overly excited about everything. The things that are mundane to the local that are to me majestic and amazing. Maybe it'll ware off when the shock of it all wares off. But maybe not. And then I'll just have zero credibility for my entire stay here and be really annoying.

Regardless, yesterday not only did I truly discover the best pizza (it beat my previous favorite, even!) but I had one of the best Saturdays since I've been here. And I have had a lot of great Saturdays. My roommate and friend that I've lived with for three years that basically falls under the category of "family" now is here visiting me. She wanted to visit me in Seattle while I was here anyways and it just so happened a few months ago that I found out my favorite Youtube stars turned actual musicians with singles being released and an album out in a few months would be coming to Seattle. SCORE! I've followed them for three years and have followed their career from Youtube covers to recording their first songs in a studio to now headlining a tour in the next few months. I shamelessly include them in every single CD mix for my car and it's only natural that my roommate has gradually become a fan, too. What can I say? I love pop at its pop-iest.

And so, it happened! She arrived in the morning and I put on my Jeffrey Campbell booties for good measure (and because M&L are big fans of JC) and out the door we were! Keep in mind, I have never driven on roads busier than the ones in Missoula, Montana, so when I say that I was able to drive through Seattle downtown traffic in the middle of the Seattle Rock N' Roll Marathon, onto the freeway, and all the way to Alderwood where the event was, so believe me when I say that it was a BIG deal to accomplish that. We arrived JUST in time for the fashion show (... a fashion show by Macy's? *gag*) in which we realized we were definitely the oldest fans there that weren't parents. Megan and Liz only performed three songs but we skipped out after the second to stand in line for the meet and greet. I met them and we bonded over cats, big glasses, singing in the car, and nail polish- it was fantastic.

Seattle from two different perspectives- 

on the ferry (above)

from Gas Works Park (below)

Afterwards, since we had already paid the huge toll price to cross the ferry in a car, we figured we may as well explore some other parts of Seattle. The first thing we stumbled into when I had the grand idea of going to Gas Works Park? The Solstice Fair in Fremont in which traditionally, a naked parade march on bikes happens. People paint themselves and ride their bikes naked in the parade. Of course, we had no idea that there was a fair happening and so the first thing I noticed was a lone man buck naked on a bike rolling down the street. I nearly slammed on the breaks- but of course, dozens more followed after. I was just showing Jenny real Seattle culture, right!?

Because parking was impossible, I randomly took a street running the opposite direction of Gas Works and we found ourselves on the UW campus which was when I decided a spontaneous trip to the infamous UDistrict needed to happen. Because, well, we were HERE and I've never been and it's on my list of things to do, anyways! And here, ladies and gents, was where I had the best pizza I've ever had in my life that I couldn't even tell you the name of because we stumbled in mindlessly with hunger in our eyes. After, we roamed the streets and I went into a Buffalo Exchange for the first time in my life and found some amazing jewelry. We toured a few more thrift stores and ended with frozen yogurt before heading back to Seattle (and getting lost twice, but, YOSO)(you only Seattle once) and got on our ferry. Seattle turned cloudy to gloriously sunny and we basked in the fresh salty sea air outside the ferry the whole way home.

It was a perfect day. Not the MOST perfect or the BEST yet, but my days are sort of molding into perfect days on their own for different reasons. They're all just the best, you know? That's possible. I'm telling myself it is. I'm making the most of my time here while I have it.

thank you, Jenny! for taking picture since I left mine at home.

And for letting me steal most of the M&L time.

The story of how I got new glasses (and why)

First of all, you should know this. I got to experience the chance of a lifetime (or at least, my lifetime thus far) of seeing the US Mens' National soccer team play in Seattle a couple weeks ago. I am, without a doubt, an emotionally invested soccer fan. When the World Cup comes around, I am definitely not free in the mornings due to back to back soccer games. So, for part 1 of this story, you should know that this was without a doubt a dream come true and I was giddy to be able to see the US Mens' team play in person. It was the dreamiest.And due to our facepaint, we were allowed into the VIP lounge prior to the game which included better food and drink options you still had to pay for, but I'd much rather pay $10 for a good sandwich than $8 for popcorn and pretzels.

Part two of the story goes like this: after going almost the entire first half without scoring, the US FINALLY scored. We happened to be sitting by people supporting Panama and when they scored, the man next to me leapt into the air and upon doing so, knocked my glasses off my head and then effectively one of us stepped on them. It was chaotic! There was no seeing or breathing in the moments after scoring which was effectively one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life but also, like, MY GLASSES! MY VISION! Literally crumpled at my feet. So my glasses broke which was unfortunate but not the worst thing in the world as I figured at the time because I was due for new ones anyways and I had insurance.

Or so I thought.

The rest of the game kind of went downhill for the Panamians and the US won 2-0. We managed to make it onto the bus after waiting well over an hour for one (such is life) and it was overall a great evening.

The next morning I went to work with broken glasses and without my vision. It was alright, because I'm not totally blind, but obnoxious nonetheless. I put off calling my eye doctor to ask for my prescription for two days. Which is when my eye doctor urged me to come all the way to the other side of the state just to buy frames from them, which I understand from a business standpoint because he wants his clients to buy their pretty fancy frames/lenses that are of good quality, but it was going to be impossible for me to get all the way over there in such short notice and I NEEDED my glasses. I asked that he just send me the prescription numbers so I could order cheap ones online. He agreed. I got the numbers. They were from 2006. Which he claimed was the last time I was in for an eye exam. Um. Incorrect. I got new glasses about two years ago and they were the Eye Doctor Expensive kind so I could promise him that those were definitely not the most updated numbers because I got new glasses and thus, an eye exam, TWO YEARS AGO. He emailed once more to apologize and said he was sorry if that caused me any problems getting glasses elsewhere.

*fury*

So, completely on my own without my parents in Seattle to deal with it all, I called half a dozen eye clinics downtown close to where I worked that would a) take my insurance (and got to use my individual insurance card, finally! yay!) b) fit me in within a couple of days for an exam to get my updated prescription. Only one place could fit me in within the week and that one place was able to fit me in that day. My boss was kind and understanding enough to send me on my merry frustrated way to get those dang prescription numbers so I could order new glasses.

Got the prescription numbers in thirty minutes. Received zero pressure to buy frames/lenses from this new Seattle eye doctor who was hilarious and kind of kooky, but kind. In fact, she encouraged me to look elsewhere and recommended several cheaper places that made glasses rather than the ones on her wall that all ranged in the $400-600 range. Score! Ordered glasses from Warby Parker.

So, by the end of the entire ordeal, I ended up with new glasses! That I love! And I couldn't be happier with, really. They're a huge upgrade from my previous ones and my insurance will reimburse me for the cost of them. Woohoo! I'm 20 and I can get myself new glasses now.

That time Tuesday was owned by ME

The best Tuesdays of all of the Tuesdays I've ever had began by simply deciding that today was going to be MY day. Mind over matter, you know? Well, it may have started the second after I looked in the mirror and decided my hair was on top of its stuff today so I needed to follow its suit, but once I opened my eyes this morning mentally deciding I would conquer it all today, it was like the rest of my day just sort of fell into place.  So, let's recap. A quick little sequence of events.

It began by making it to my bus stop a complete five minutes early and it was because of those five minutes my day really got rolling from just a good hair day to a good day. I was minding my own business at the bus stop, smelling the freshly rained on beautiful rain forest that smells so different from the pine forests I'm used to in Idaho, thinking about how the air just had a certain zest to it this morning when a woman next to me says as if she can read my mind, "Boy, it sure smells good outside, doesn't it!?" I smiled at this lady beside me and replied, "Yes! You read my mind. Did you see the lightning last night?" Which was the start of our twenty minute conversation as we waited for the bus, sat by one another on the bus, and then arrived at our stop. During the conversation, I revealed that I was here for the summer and was a creative writing major to which she announced she herself was a writer. What!? Get out! And as it turns out, there ARE some successful writers in the world who can live on islands in the rain forest and I listened to her give me all of her best advice which was some of the most insightful I've ever heard. 

Next, I decided that the good hair day I was having in addition to my great talk with the writer could only mean it was a good luck kind of day and I should push to see how far I could go. I decided there and then i would finally, finally follow up on the job applications I sent in last week. I put it off by a solid two days but today I marched inside and shook the hand of the shift manager with a friendly smile and recited my hours of availability. Done! Cross your fingers and toes for me that I get an interview.

My day at work was one that without my streak of good luck that morning I may have met with some antsy nerves. Luckily, this was not so, as we all know. I was given a large project that ended up taking four hours to do and officially mastered my phone calling skills. Towards the end of my phone list, I called an elderly lady who wanted to hear all about the work my company was doing and she replied that she was so proud of our work. She asked about myself and what I did, leading into a speech about never settling and always going for your dreams. It was the best. I think the other thing I can take from today is that maybe I am trying to make friends with the wrong age group and should aim, well, much higher!? Anyways, she ended up donating to our organization very generously and it brightened the work load significantly.

The only thing I'm going to say about the other good thing that happened today and risk that I took...is that I think I like environmental law and Tanzania more than I ever have?

I walked out of my office building with bare shoulders and sunny skies above. And as I peeked into allies and nervously looked up at the skyscrapers waiting for the overwhelming itch I had felt on Sunday when I nearly had a meltdown, it never came. None of it. A full day's of work conquering the most difficult part of my internship thus far and doing well at it, sun, confronting little things- it all added up to most fulfilling ferry ride home on the top deck facing the skyline as I drifted away from it.

Wednesday, can we do you even better?

My family came + I melted into a self pitying puddle

Today, a month after arriving, I finally reached the point of just too much city. I'm kind of surprised a moment like it didn't happen sooner. I have reached the point in the past where I needed to close my eyes for a second in the middle of the street to relax for a moment. However, whether it was because I had to say goodbye to my sister and second family as they left Seattle for the weekend or because I really was just fed up with going nearly three weeks without a day at home to just rest and not go anywhere at all, today I'd pretty much just had enough city. I put on my sunglasses and stuck my head phones in my ears (is this why everyone in the city wears sunglasses and listens to music as they walk around?) so at least I couldn't hear the city noise and like a child thought, if they can't see my eyes, they can't see me, right!? And feeling about as invisible as I could on a busy Sunday morning with families around me going to Father's Day brunch, I found a place to sit that wasn't a green grassy park  where I could lay down and look at the clouds but instead the next best thing which was a mini garden of sorts between two buildings with three floors of concrete stairs leading down to the Seattle Great Wheel with the Puget Sound in front of me. I allowed myself to have a mini pity party even as I knew that truly, I had no valid complaints. Life is as great now as it has ever been. I just felt alone when I didn't want to feel alone.

Plus, there was the fact that after an empty house was made a full one for two nights, it wasn't until I got to feel its fullness that I really felt the emptiness in its entirety. And maybe I didn't want to really go back it without my sister. Not once in a month has having a house to myself to live in felt lonely until suddenly I had people in it and people to leave it.

I like this living alone stuff. It's forced me to cut the crap and grow the heck up a little bit here and there. Less dilly dallying, more work and efficiency. It's made me a more streamlined version of myself. Living all alone has been one of the best experiences I've ever had but it takes a certain amount of energy and responsibility, too, to do it all alone. My room is still borderline Hoarders due to my clothes thrown about but I'm on top of my stuff 100%. Life is organized down to the minute during the week. The money I spend is my own and boy is Seattle expensive. My dad in an email recently told me I was on the right track in life and doing it right so as I sat on the steps feeling a little bit sorry for myself, I took another second to remind myself of what I was doing. Starting a new life, if only for four months, is a big deal. At least, it's the biggest thing I've ever done on my own. I can say with complete certainty that moving to Seattle for the summer is one of those choices I made that is going to precede many other big ones to follow that I never would have made without this summer. It's completing me and filling holes I didn't even know needed to be filled. 

But, I miss my family. I miss comfort. For twenty minutes on some stairs in the middle of Seattle today, I missed familiarity. And yet, when I got moving again off those dumb stairs where my pride bit the dust, I looked not at the sky but at those tall, tall buildings and thanked the city for all that it's giving me. Which, really, is everything I've ever wanted. This is my time right now, my time of independence and discovery, even if I wish I had my little sister to watch How I Met Your Mother with me tonight.

*******

weekend pictures! honestly, we were pretty lazy. all weekend.

but sometimes those are the best weekends. target, how i met your mother, 

new swimming suits,

ferry & bus rides, and a lot of good food.

Dear people of seattle,

To the woman at Office Max down the street from my office building who I come to with a list of questions a few times a week about their varying card stock and bulk pens, thank you for your patience but also for saying, "how can i help you now, miss intern?" with a smile. Also, for the way you zip around the store shouting how busy it is and how you wish you had more "you's" to help customers. I want your attitude about life.

To the man on the corner of second and pike with a sign reading "I just want a Big Mac" who has never once done anything more than smile at me and tell me I looked 'radiant', thank you for occasionally making my day. It doesn't matter where the compliment comes from, really, right?

To all three of my bus drivers, without you all I would probably miss my bus at least once a week for leaving just thirty seconds too late and getting stuck behind the school bus. I need to time my departures better on mondays.

To the girl in line behind me at Cafe Ladro almost every day ordering a tall americano just like myself... wanna have coffee together, you know, after work sometime? I really, really love your denim jacket and if I could have anyone's hair, it would be yours. Also, you tip the baristas every time and that's a sign of true human kindness.

To my barista at Cafe Ladro... I really want to be your friend, too. But I also really want you to move back to Montana with me at the end of the summer because I've never had better coffee in my life and the withdrawals I'm going to face are going to be worse than I can even imagine.

To the mother and daughter elderly pair that get on my ferry every Tuesday and Thursday, I kind of want to sit in your living room with you two and crochet or something because your theories about life that begin with, "You know, I've been alive for eighty three years and if you ask me..." are the bees knees.

*****

In a city where for the most part, I am completely anonymous and also on my own in every way, these people that have become regulars in my daily commute and adventures have sort of become routine with everything else. They're all marvelous and interesting characters that round out my Seattle days. And I love them, every single one, to pieces.

Life as a vacation + an adventure with Nicole

I bought a trench coat (on sale at Nordstroms during their half-year sale), I have successfully used every mode of transportation alone in the area venturing as far out by myself as Tacoma, I have my "places" downtown, I am comfortable and adjusted in my job, and for the first time today I didn't look out the window during my entire ferry commute- am I a local yet? Almost? Am I close?

However, life in Seattle feels pretty surreal. As I wandered Pike's Market the second day in a row during work hours (on an errand yesterday and for lunch today) I came to the realization because although I have a job in the city and responsibilities, every single day feels like I'm on vacation if only for the twenty minutes I'm walking through downtown on my way home from work because I realize I'm in Seattle- the place many people, including myself, come to visit. And simultaneously  it has managed to also make me feel at home. After spending three days in Idaho last weekend, I stepped off the light rail into the city and felt relaxed. The city, the people, and the skyscrapers that are the opposite of the rolling hills back home- it was soothing. Every day feels like a challenge as I leap through new hoops and learn new things as I go but I have truly had some of the most "full" days in my life. I'm learning the ropes of an office and understanding the fundamentals behind what makes it work. I'm gaining skills and finding my role. For the first time in so long, I actually feel sort of like I'm living up to and realizing my potential as I accomplish new things. The best part of my entire experience in Seattle, living, working, commuting, and navigating is that I'm doing it alone. And, there's knowing I made this happen for myself. 

I've been too busy to blog and write out all of my adventures for the past few days but without time to document and only time to take pictures, I've sort of had time to absorb the reality that is my life for the next few months. I've taken mental notes of all the things around me and of all the things I want to write down but it's nice coming back to my computer to just sort of feel it sitting heavy in my head. It feels tangible, almost, sitting there in bulk. I feel lucky, and it's a warm contentedness that at the end of the day leaves me excited to wake up and do it again. 

On Monday, my friend Nicole ventured with me to an island near Seattle where we spent the most perfect afternoon drinking coffee in the sun before making pesto pizza together and venturing out into the rain forest to explore. We found ourselves on a strip of beach overlooking North Seattle just as the sun was setting and it was splendid- here we were on a beach where we could see the city and yet it was completely silent. We took pictures and walked around for a solid hour before it got too dark. We sped to the ice cream shop and capped our evening with chocolate peanut butter oreo ice cream. It was a blast and Nicole and I are absolutely soul mates.

A really long post about my sunny Saturday in Seattle

My weekend was packed. So packed that I'm just, erm, getting to most of the pictures now. And I still have some! But I'm just going to go with that being a good thing because, you know, that means more than just text posts. Which are fun. But not as fun as seeing the fabulously dressed and wonderful people I know in Seattle plastered on my blog, right? Right.

I got to spend my Saturday morning reuniting with some old friends from high school I haven't seen literally in years. I was half expecting that it might be weird or uncomfortable to get into the swing of the old high school days and yet it was like not a day had passed since we last went to Mexico and scaled buildings together (the latter of which I would not recommend and is one of my favorite memories with this bunch in particular- but that is a story for another day). It was really intriguing and kind of surreal to feel like high school was just yesterday sitting with people that knew me better than anyone a few years back but to realize, too, that each of us had been doing things with our lives and discovering what we were passionate about. Majors declared while some are already finished and onto Law school in Europe, stories upon stories of their travels across the world, and lives that have paralleled and diverged completely from the ones back in Idaho. It was truly fascinating and great to see where everyone has gone and to hear about the people they surround themselves with. It was a joyous morning where I was sort of designated the navigation leader since I actually live here (I do what!?) which was more or less a decent idea but I still managed to screw us up a couple times. We wandered Pike's, ate the largest strawberries I've ever seen that took me eight bites to finish, drank coffee, found a park, and just laughed. It was perfect.

Unfortunately my time with my old friends was interrupted by an appointment and a meeting by which time they were already out of Seattle due to parking fees being tremendously expensive (if you ever come to Seattle, don't drive downtown- take public transportation by all means necessary) and so I then got to meet up once more with my good pal Dillon who has made his appearance on my blog now a few times and a blogger who also recently moved to Seattle of whom we all shared a mutual friend. I knew I was going to be late and Dillon knew he was going to be late (don't make plans with us) but thankfully we ended up beating her to Cherry Street Coffee House and I only mention that we had coffee there because it's where I a) had the best iced chai tea latte of my life b) left my perfect cream cardigan. It's not the end of the world that I left it there but it mostly means buying a new one and since I'm on a tight budget being that Seattle is so expensive and I can't waste money all on clothes, I'm bummed.

I suppose I should also mention that as a coffee shop, Cherry Street Coffee House is really great and is a franchise so if you're ever in the area, I encourage the iced chai tea latte. So far it beats the Starbucks, Cafe Ladro, Pegasus, and Peet's. Yes, I'm making it my mission to find the best coffee and chai in Seattle this summer. My budget is definitely food centered and not clothing centered this summer.

After, the three of us headed to the Seattle Art Museum which marks my first time in a real museum and it was very different from my expectations. First of all, you're allowed to talk in museums. Second, not everything is abstract lines and squares randomly painted that you're supposed to interpret as meaning something by the color and orientation of the lines? There was history from around the world to read about and culture to see in front of your eyes. There was some questionable pieces of art I still don't really understand but there were some I could not stop looking at. In particular, the "vertigo" room in which paintings were supposed to be of texture and hold an optical allusion. My favorite painting that stands out was even a postcard that I'm definitely going back to the shop for because I still want it. We spent a solid couple hours in there and honestly I could have spent longer/want to spend longer (I was the slow person that walked slowly through each room).

Lastly, it was beautiful outside and Dillon nor I were quite ready to leave downtown in all of its sunny glory (cue lots of pasty arms and legs emerging from Northface jackets- Seattle and Missoula have something in common!) but Kayleigh had to commute home so the two of us walked around Seattle for the rest of the early evening/late afternoon. And, um, no big deal or anything but I may have beat a local at knowing where the Olympic Statue Park is downtown and the best place to view the skyline/ferris wheel was. Not that I'm bragging. I knocked another item off my bucket list which included buying flowers from Pike's on a sunny day and very lastly, took pictures in an alley of which Dillon and I had to wait for a man going to the bathroom not twenty yards from the street. I took photos of him because, duh, and although I can't show the (best) worst ones, I was laughing so hard.

It was a great, full day. One of the best days I've had in Seattle because it was so jam packed. I have a step counter on my iPhone and I walked ten miles, TEN miles, at the end of the day not counting the ten I walked on Friday. My life is so good to me right now.