in fact, i really, really should not be blogging because of all of the things i have
to do before i get to go home in 48 hours. just 48 hours!!!!!!
i think i realized something today.
i was sitting here, at my desk, while a huge pile of homework stood to my right
that i really, really didn't want to look at.
and the more i looked at it, soaking in every minute left i had to
blog telling myself again and again that i was wasting my time when i should
the more i realized i didn't just hate it.
i hated it.
and a question crept into my mind.
one that i texted niklaas a couple of weeks ago
and have asked myself a thousand times since coming to college.
why am i doing this!?!?
i'm not passionate about it. not like i am with blogging, writing,
journaling, reading, and being an emotionally obsessed bookworm.
it's something i can tolerate.
enough that i can't abandon my biology degree completely,
because i do find some aspects amazing and i am good
at a few select parts of it,
but i shouldn't be doing something because of what steady job
it may get me or the money i'll get.
maybe as a backup for the future it's a good idea,
but not for this moment.
just because we're told we are smart enough to do
something or that we should make the "smart"
choice doesn't mean we always should.
i just know.
i shouldn't be doing it anymore.
it shouldn't be my primary focus.
i should be doing what i love as my momma told me.
i want the struggle, i want the crappy paying jobs,
i want to not be able to afford the clothes i love.
because it will mean that i'm kind of maybe finally
doing what i'm passionate and good* at.
*in no way am i specifying that i'm a genius writer or the next great novelist. i'm definitely not. i'm so far from that and that in itself i has stopped me from picking another major these four semesters. but at the moment, it seems to be what i'm best at academically.
she likes bright colors, patterns, adorable heels, floral everything, bows, necklaces, belts, and anything polka dotted. she adores zooey deschenal, taylor swift, and anything designed by lauren moffat. he likes skinny jeans (levis), boat shoes, band tees, cardigans, ray bans, button down shirts, vneck sweaters, and anything gingham. he adores ryan gosling, joeseph gordon-levitt (coincidence?), and anything from jcrew.
she thinks he's pretty darn adorable and amazing for always taking her blog pictures. he thinks she's a pretty cute hipster girl.
we are wearing:
- Forever21 polka dot dress
-Urban Outfitters t-strap heels & peter pan collared sweater
Is it a secret that I'm secretly very in love with Jasmine and her blog? If not... then let it be known world that I am. I don't really know how it began but I've known of Jasmine since before she won the Chictopia 10 contest to go to New York a couple years back and it was a real treat when I found her blog. We didn't become friends for a while but now I can honestly say she's one of my favorite people in the world, even if we haven't actually "met" before. We've exchanged so many long emails and I've pretty much poured my heart out to her on several occasions about everything. She always, always reads and responds to my long emails and it's the best feeling in the world to feel like I have a pal out there that will always listen to me. Plus, she's really good at giving amazing advice!! Her blog is also flawless and a constant source of inspiration for myself. She's a sweet girl with an amazing wardrobe. I don't think anyone could read her blog and not adore her within three seconds! :)
A few weeks back when I was in Minnesota, I tweeted about falling in love with Francesca's Collections. I had been having an unlucky day shopping until I walked into Francesca's and this dress was the first thing I saw. They only had one small left and I grabbed it. It was one of those items that I knew I wasn't going to walk out of the store without. I'm obsessed with Francesca's now. My roommate lives within five minutes of one! I'm so jealous! At the same time, Jasmine tweeted about wanting an elephant print dress and I freaked the heck out! I had purchased an elephant print dress at Francesca's that very day! As fate would have it, we were crushing on the same exact dress. She bought it a few days later and of course, we had to do a joint post. I love that we both used mustard yellow belts in styling it! I also love that hers feels so 'spring-y' being that she lives in California while mine feels, well, very 'Montana'. It's freezing here and if my pictures don't show that well enough, just know that I'm sitting in bed with a scarf on, wool socks, and three blankets. I guess that just means you get both seasonal stylings of this dress!
How adorable IS Jasmine!?
two weeks ago, i did the only thing i know best when i'm feeling a little bit stir-crazy. i made a hair appointment for myself. now, i'm really really terrified of getting my hair cut by people i don't know. i've had some bad experiences that took months and months to fix. but i did it. i yelped the heck out of this hair salon, read a hundred reviews, tallied which hairdresser was most recommended, asked what friends of mine lived in missoula year round where they went, and finally just did it. i made an appointment. yahoo! except, i was terrified. today was the day. i told myself i was just going to get a trim. nothing scary. and yet i found myself seated before a mirror in the coolest hair salon i've ever been in after being complimented on my outfit twice with a really well dressed awesome experienced hair dresser behind me pulling up the picture i've had my eyes on since last year. i knew that i wanted to get it done at some point and set a goal for myself that i wouldn't do it until my hair was really long enough to go for it (after one failed attempt last summer that didn't turn out). so there i was. giving the awesome hair dresser the picture and i said to do it with a smile on my face even though i was so unsure. but i did it. and all the stir-crazy, fussy, claustrophobic, restless, and crazed thoughts in my head left. *poof*. it was really, really great. call me narcissistic or materialistic, but walking out of a salon with a hair cut you love has to be on the top 10 favorite feelings list. it just has to be.
Back in the day when my sister used to make videos for her French class, it seemed like she always always used my wardrobe to supply for the films costumes. I used to be flattered. Then one day I finally asked her why we always used my clothes for the costumes and she replied, "Because you have a lot of 'bright' colors." It wasn't exactly a compliment on her terms but I took a step back and looked at my clothes hanging in my closet and realized... she was on to something. Most of my clothes were indeed, brightly colored with loud prints. It was the first time I really thought about that and what that said about me especially in comparison to my sister's closet which primarily consists of neutral colors and different shades of blues. And I realized... yes, yes, I am a bright colors person.
Niklaas wasn't sold on wearing yellow tights with this outfit when we started taking pictures. In a way, I agreed. Black solid tights would have been more sophisticated and balanced out the loud pattern mixing I was having fun with. For the duration of our photo session, I regretted my mustard yellow tights. Then I looked at my camera when he handed it back to me and felt silly. Of course I didn't regret wearing yellow tights! It is so very me to wear mustard yellow tights with two crazy patterns being mixed together and it is so very me to stand in front of a blue wall and make the colors *pop* against one another! This was the day, my friends, that I realized I didn't mind being told by my roommates and friends that I have a collectively 'bright' wardrobe.
it was one of those awesome days when getting up early didn't seem so unbearable (well, okay, maybe only once i had coffee in my hands and was sitting in class), i liked what i was wearing (it has been scientifically proven that "dressing up" makes you perform better in school), and sweet good morning texts made me smile (my favorite thing). until i went to creative writing, everything seemed just dandy and even the snow on the ground couldn't damper my mood. and then... i got to creative writing (my favorite class by far and one i hate to skip) and realized my workshop was next friday and i had yet to write something i liked enough to let an entire class of people tear it apart. in the past month, i have finished *four* short stories after being told by Modcloth Model that even if you write 20 bad pages and 6 good pages, those 6 can be fruitful for a better second draft. so i did just that. i finished all of my crazy sporadic ideas causing agony and many nights staring blankly at my screen waiting for some bit of inspiration to get me through. and... i didn't like any of them. i liked sentences from each and maybe a scene here and there but none of them really stuck out to me as something i had enough of to "finish". so with a week left to finish a short story, i came home from organic chemistry yesterday after thinking of nothing except this short story of doom i knew i had to write and decided that i was going to start and finish one entire story that night. so... i did just that. and once i sat down, cleared my desk of literally everything on it, and had a sliver of an idea, i just started writing and it hit. i love that moment. i live for it lately. it makes all of the bad pages worth it and Modcloth Model is right. sometimes it takes a lot of muck and junk to get to something good. because when you start writing and the sentences come easily and the characters seem to speak for themselves and you don't have to stop and think about what they're going to do (because they seem to choose that for you), it's a blast. an absolute perfect few hours of fun. i'm excited again and it feels like this again.
and because i'm way too excited to wait until i post all of the pictures tomorrow...
i used pinterest to inspire my hair yesterday and i loved it. next time? curly hair and i'm
going to use an invisible hair tie! pattern mixing with my hair, that's what it has come to folks.
1. you're the best friend i've ever had and sometimes i feel like i'll never be as good of a friend to you as you've been for me. thank you for listening to every single rant and sending me 10 page texts in reply to my 7 page texts. thank you for understanding and never judging. thank you for seeing the good in me and making me feel like a good person. thank you for always always being there without even asking and being one of the only friends i have that i don't think feel obligated to be my friend, but actually want to be my friend. there's a big difference between wanting and feeling obligated. i think you're absolutely amazing and probably the single best person i've ever known. you deserve everything. 2. i really, really wish instead of spoiling all of your family, you'd spend your money on yourself. i wish i hadn't gotten used to being spoiled and i wish you'd get used to spoiling yourself. i wish more than anything that you could go to europe and see all the places you dreamed of going to with him. i'm afraid that now that he's gone, you'll never see the things you wanted to see because he's not here to do them with you. i'm afraid that all of your dreams are forgotten in your heart. i want to take you everywhere and do everything with you. 3. i don't think you intentionally try to be rude nor mean, but sometimes the things you say make you sound exactly like the kind of person i hate. 4. i loved your blog until every single one of your posts turned into a walking ad for the brand you're wearing. i know that you choose the items you receive from your sponsors, but when literally every piece has c/o in front of it, it makes it difficult to relate to your style and take inspiration from something i couldn't replicate unless i spent the money on that exact dress. i miss the days when you'd thrift pieces and incorporate them frequently into your blog. creativity inspires me. i'm not saying this to berate you nor criticize your choices as a blogger, but i do miss how easy it was to relate to your old posts and your more daring/creative looks. 5. i want to make you proud more than anything but lately i wonder if making you proud means stepping outside what you would want me to do and choosing what i want for myself. 6. thank you for teaching a class that makes me a better student than i've ever been and pushes me to want to be even better than i'll ever be. i really want to read your writing and i really want to see you succeed because it takes someone special to mentor a classroom of college students the way you have. 7. i want all of your dreams to come true more than my own. i wish you didn't try to be so perfect all the time and realize that your mistakes are in fact, okay, and will teach you more than getting everything perfect every time will. you've surpassed me in almost every way and are so much smarter than i was at 16/17. i wish i had been more like you. i could have learned a lot from someone like you. also, how did you become so much more awesome than i'll ever be? 8. you're just a really awesome person and we've never spoken but i kind of want to be your best friend. 9. i'm blessed to have two parents like you. everything you ever said has turned out to be true and everything you thought was best for me has turned out to be the best. i miss living under your roof but i feel proud that you raised me to be able to live so well on my own, too. i'm proud that you raised me to make smart decisions for myself but can still come back to you for absolutely anything. 10. i love you.
you were supposed to spend all weekend doing homework, but you didn't because your best friend from home and your entire second family comes to town. sometimes, it can wait.
you wear "forest green" on st. patrick's day instead of a more holiday fitting "green green".
you sometimes annoy underclassmen on facebook from your old high school. just a little reminder that you need to clean out your facebook friends list (still in high school and not a friend in real life? deleted)
you spend three hours watching boy meets world because you'll realize that no tv show today will ever live up to shows from the 90s.
you listen to the same song on repeat for a week when it's one of those songs that makes you want to dance and cry at the same time.
you had to flirt with someone that wasn't your boyfriend so they would play taylor swift over the loudspeakers at a st. patrick's day party.
you realize you're nostalgic for the present already.
A couple months ago, Tieka posted an outfit of herself wearing the cutest polka dot skirt I'd ever seen. I commented on the post jokingly asking if she'd ever want to do a swap and less than three weeks later, it was in my mailbox along with this adorable also polka dotted dress! It was awesome. The best part about blogging to me will always be the people I've met and girls I've gotten to know. There are so many of you that inspire me beyond words and I just love being a part of this amazing community!
I feel like I've been on a blogging roll these days which is so refreshing. I always say that if I'm blogging regularly, the rest of my life is also happening on a regularly organized fashion as well. It feels so good to dress up every day and schedule little dates with Niklaas downtown to go take pictures, get coffee, thrift, or walk around exploring. Those little dates keep school stress manageable and I just love hanging out with him so much. (It seems as if I'm on a gushing spree today!)
I got the news this morning as I was walking to my first class that some of my favorite people in the world and the nicest family in the world would be coming into town today! So it looks as if I'll be showing them my dorm room today and getting to talk to people that are almost my second family. This weekend I'm also dragging Niklaas to Silent House which I've been dying to see, seeing my best friend in the world who is also coming into town and going out with her on Saturday night, spending a day writing at a coffee shop, and sleeping in. I never really realized how much of a sleeper I was until all of my roommates delightfully pointed out that I'm always the last to wake up on weekends. It never even crossed my mind as to how much I love sleeping in and how late I'll sleep if I'm interrupted. I slept in until noon on Sunday at Maggie's house in Minnesota! Oops!
You know that amazing feeling you get when you wake up and make your bed in the morning? When you just know you're going to have a wonderful kind of day just because you started your day right from the moment you woke up? This morning I decided not only was I going to make my bed, but that I was going to wash my sheets, my towels, and all two loads of laundry stuffed into my too small laundry bin. I woke up three hours earlier than my per usual Tuesday regime and between loads, completed my lab report, drank coffee, ate muffins, and showered. All before noon! It was amazing. Oh, and not having class today after being gone in Minnesota for a weekend helped a lot, too.
I had an amazing weekend and came away with a successful load of new items to add to my closet. I discovered that I'm a completely different shopper in a store than I am online. I'm serious. I do 99.9999% of all shopping online and I have found that I'm increasingly unhappy with what I get online. I woke up this morning and chose the smallest item I got: my new mustard yellow belt from Francessca's Collections! I wasn't sure if spending $14 on a belt was going to be worthwhile when I could get a $2 one from Forever21 and the more I thought about it the more I realized that most of my belts are from Forever21 and I no longer wear them because of how worn they are. And the color was really too perfect to pass up. So I went for it and I'm really happy because there's nothing like a quality belt. I threw it on with an older dress and aha! My polka dot cardigan ironically from Forever21. I really do love playing with patterns and bold colors. I wasn't even going to take pictures today but I texted Niklaas and was like you know what!? I like what I'm wearing, let's do it!
It is currently scaring me how close to summer we are. Our spring break falls in April so it's still two and a half weeks away, but directly after spring break we have three full weeks, finals week, and then summer. That's five and a half weeks of school until finals. People think I'm crazy when I freak out about it being so close but I'm honestly not ready! I guess it's a good thing if I want it to remain spring and stay in school? I think I'm just so happy with life and living on my own over here that I'm not entirely ready to go home and live in my little bedroom squished at the back of the house shared with my family again! I hope that doesn't mean that I'm growing up.