Wednesday, February 29

Leap Day

It's leap day! This happens only once every four years so I felt silly not posting on this day. It won't happen for another four years and who knows if I'll still be blogging! To be honest, I never really "got" leap year all through elementary school. One of my best friends back then had a leap year birthday and I never quite understood why she always joked that she was only two years old. Now that I get it, I think it would be the coolest thing ever to have a birthday today. How awesome would that be!?
I've been seriously slacking on the outfit posts lately (I know, I know...) but I have a few backed up and I'm hoping to get into the swing of things. I survived my crazy week that I had last week and now I finally feel like I can breathe again and start looking ahead. I'm going to Minneapolis in a couple weeks and I'm so beyond excited!!! I've never stepped foot in an Anthropologie, Francessca's Collection, Sephora, Aerie, a real H&M nor Urban. It's going to be nuts! It's crazy to think people have access to all of these places on a day to day basis. I have to drive for hours and hours just to hit one of these stores and to see them all in one place... well, it blows an Idaho girls mind. I'm so, so excited. And I'll even have a bit of shopping money, too. Not to mention our front row tickets to see Lady Antebellum that weekend, too... AHHHH!
So a few weeks ago, I got contacted by an online Jewelry seller to review a product. I've never done this and sponsorship is still a pretty new thing to me even if I've had a few opportunities in my time. I looked at their site and what kind of girl doesn't say yes to diamonds!? I got to customize my selected item from their selection of diamond bracelets. I chose one from their classic tennis bracelets with topaz gemstones. I largely chose topaz because my sister has such a refined taste in jewelry that I always find myself adoring over and knew that if she could pick a gemstone, she would pick a blue one. The bracelet arrived and of course, I threw it on immediately. I gave the bracelet a solid week of wear before writing a review and while I was given the bracelet to write the review, I can honestly say I am impressed. If I didn't like it, I would say so! But it has proven to be of high quality and something I can definitely wear with just about anything- it's modest enough to wear casually but I could see myself wearing it out for an evening dinner or a wedding, too! I'm really really happy with it and kind of estactic. If you haven't been over to the Anjolee website, you should go customize a diamond bracelet for yourself just for fun! I didn't think diamonds could be a girls best friend... but I'm starting to change my mind ;)

Whenever I'm bored with my closet, I always find myself in my roommates' closets scrounging around for something that I've never worn or tried to wear. Today I had thrown on my new Jcrew cardigan and caramel scarf and couldn't find a single thing in my closet with the same undertones. It was like magic that my roommate Maggie had these flouncy shorts that matched perfectly! However, when we were taking pictures, Niklaas told me he didn't like them. We disagree on clothing on occasion, but when I looked over these pictures I realized he was right. They have a little bit too much flounce and not enough "shorts" to them! I still adore the pattern, however, and I do like how the colors worked.
Keep an eye out in the next week! I have a surprise post to share and the promised giveaway coming! :)
shorts- Modcloth borrowed from roommate
cardigan- Jcrew
tights- Nordstroms
shoes- target
Diamond Bracelet - c/o Anjolee jewelry

Monday, February 27

a monday

it's a monday and i planned on posting the diy i have had sitting in my drafts for ages, but i'm not. i should blog about something important/cool, but i'm not. it's a monday. i could devote an entire blog post to the lovely breakfast i had with Modcloth Model that was extraordinary (girl crush!) and how she complimented my polka dot wearing habits (ka-ching!), but i could also devote an entire blog post to the state of our toilet which always seems to be broken. this time it flooded our entire bathroom and sink and hallway. ugh. it's always embarrassing and we always find ourselves saying "it's not us!!" but no one ever believes us. i could talk about how it's sunny outside or how niklaas has been sick all semester when i've had an unlimited amount of energy the past five weeks. i could talk about idaho and how much i love it and miss it dearly and kind of wish it didn't have a university there that i disliked. i could talk about how enlightening my breakfast was and an amazing technical writing/science graduate program i discovered. i could talk about how much i like northface jackets. i could talk about how much i love emails from my dad. i could talk about how much i love an afternoon filled with napping and reading the hunger games. i could talk about how awesome it is that amazon prime allows you to borrow books from the kindle store. i could talk about our cute RA that we obsess over and is now our *friend*. i could talk about how much i love trashy tv.

i could really talk on end about anything, but it's monday, and my mind is everywhere. clearly.

Saturday, February 25

the other maggie

this is maggie. the other maggie. the one that i live with and share clothes with and stay up all night talking with and obsess about the oc with. she's also really pretty (and never believes it when i tell her so). we met on the 9th floor of aber hall where we both lived last year and i remember thinking, holy cow, i love her clothes. would she ever be friends with me? nahhh, she's way too cool looking to talk to me. but i did compliment her urban outfitters sweater and she complimented me back and we had an exchange of compliments for a while until she became friends with my roommate. and then we became friends. fast friends. we both realized we were obsessed with all the same things and had half of the same wardrobe (no, really). we both had the same camera. both had little sisters. both loved urban outfitters. we are both moderately short (me being more so) and we both have brown long hair so whenever we're out, it's really fun to confuse people. "wait, you're both maggies!? you're both maggie!" it's fun. i'm going home with her to minnesota in a couple weeks and i'm more excited than i can accurately describe. being a small town girl, going to a city and maggie's home is SO awesome. we're going to the mall of america, which is going to be incredible. A REAL MALL! i'm going to experience so many stores for the first time. it's crazy to look back on the first week of school freshmen year and realize i live with people i always wanted to be friends with and never thought i would. anyways, i like her a lot and this post is probably way overdue. she sometimes reads this blog, so tell her hello in the comments (and tell her how pretty she is, because she never believes a word i say).

oh and we're going to be friends forever.

Friday, February 24


it's a weird, weird experience when a "real" person, aka a person in the flesh, tells me they read my blog. to make it better understood, it's a little bit like someone coming up to me and telling me that they read my diary. which, for lack of a better word, is mortifying. through my head run all the things i've said, all the pictures i've posted, and weird things i might have written that are now coming back to haunt me. it unnerves me.

don't get me wrong, i'm completely aware of the fact that i have made a choice by blogging. if i'm going to blog about "real" things, it means that every one of those uncomfortable things are accessible by everyone i know. i'm not complaining. i'm aware that i do blog and therefore, i'm basically opening the door to my own personal photo-diary/journal. 

that being said, it never stops being weird. the difference between cyberspace and "real" people is that these "real" people know me as they think they know me from the day to day "me" they see. i'm not saying that i reveal 'who i really am' on my blog and i hide from the outside world here, but i will admit that on my blog i'm a bit more open than i am in person. i'm afraid that when they find out and read it, they'll judge me or think differently of me. because this is every bit like a diary to me. maybe it would be different if i chose to blog about the less awkward, less meaningful, less "me" things, but i do. it's a bit more than 'look at these pictures of where i've been and what i'm wearing'. i would say that it wasn't a conscious decision in the beginning to keep it a secret, it just wasn't something i was broadcasting because why would i tell everyone i knew to come join the bandwagon and read all about my 'interesting' life? no, i will probably never be that person but only because i don't really think i'm that cool or interesting at all and i don't want people to assume that when they find out i have a blog (i really, really don't think i am). but slowly people have found it through things like twitter, tumblr, and facebook. it's unsettling. very unsettling. but. i am coming to terms with the fact that people will and are finding out about it and when it comes down to it, i really don't care what they think. i will always blog for me even if that means that my diary is leaked to the public eye.


Wednesday, February 22

he finally got her number

i love watching people fall in love.

which is probably why i'm obsessed with romantic comedies where the plots never change but you can still count on the fact that at the end two people are going to fall in love and you can pretend to think the rest of their relationship will be as fairytale-like as the way they got together (i.e. not like real life). i'm also obsessed with books, tv shows, and every adorable couple out there. i think this is probably why i also get really over excited when someone close to me, such as my roommates, spends any time at all talking to someone they "like". i get so excited. so excited. even if it's just a few text messages or a box of old keys delivered to a roommate's mail box by a boy, i envision a million different ways they could fall in love. and when their faces light up over it, that's the best thing to watch in the world. 

i love watching people be happy.

it's the most fun feeling in the world to watch. and in a way, knowing those people around me are happy makes me feel happy with them. when my roommate comes running into my room telling me that someone asked for her number, i can't help but get giddy and giggly and screamish with her. i feel it with her. 

it's just one of those things that never gets old. it can be done
a million different ways, or the same way, and still feel new when
it happens again. 

Tuesday, February 21

an h e double hockey sticks kind of week

this week very well might be the end of me. no, but really. i haven't had a week like this since my freshmen semester of college. granted, i have no idea why i signed up for a workshop during the same week as my other midterms, but i got myself into it and i really wish i hadn't. 

on tuesday morning, i have two online statistics homework assignments due and a genetics assignment due at 8am.

on wednesday morning, my completed 20+ page creative writing short story is due and while i'm getting there, i still have a lot of fixing, perfecting, and editing to do.

on thursday, i have an organic chemistry lab report due, an organic chemistry pre-lab to do, and a statistics test at 6pm.

on friday, i have a genetics test at 8am, creative writing critique due, and an organic chemistry quiz.

literally, this may kill me. it looks like i'm going to have some late nights this week. and yes, my blog will probably suffer (but that's really the least of my concerns).

three papers, two tests, three homework assignments, and a short story all in one week? is it possible? is it? is it?


it's two in the morning and i just finished my 20+ page short story. 

first draft completed.
second/third/fourth/fifth/sixth draft to finish?
well, okay.

Monday, February 20

a very belated valentine's day post

I am one of those Valentine's lovers. In elementary school, it meant pulling out the crafty guns and going all out. I made most of my Valentine's and there was nothing I enjoyed more than decorating a box and opening it up after school on Valentine's day to read messages from my classmates. Granted, most of them were standard boxed Valentine's with simply a name written on the bottom from the classmate who threw it in there, but the ones that did have a note or had some extra craftsmanship won over my heart. I was also the kid in elementary school who always hoped to be that one girl in class that always seemed to get a red rose from a secret admirer. I was never that girl, but it was alright. I loved it anyways.

To me Valentine's day can go either way. You can love it. You can hate it. You can choose to make it all about your relationship status. But for me, it's always just been a day to celebrate other people. I'm a sucker for watching other people be made happy. It just puts me in a wonderful mood. And although none of the flowers at the desk downstairs were for me, I did like seeing the eyes that lit up. I liked seeing the eyes of my card swiping 11:00am buddy light up when I told him Happy Valentine's day at the cafeteria today.

Niklaas and I kicked it pretty cliche for us. We went to a matinee showing of The Vow, which I was slightly disappointed by but thought was a good story nonetheless, and then went to iHop. That wasn't planned but made the ever so cliche movie-and-dinner date "us" and fun. I have a separate blog post idea for that alone (overheard conversations at the dinner table are priceless). I had a soccer game immediately after in which I nearly puked but scored a goal in anyways like a bamf (haaaa, i make myself laugh) so we ended early, but it was a lovely day anyways.

I've been taking so many pictures of Niklaas lately. Be prepared. You are probably going to see a lot more of what he's wearing lately. I was talking to my roommate and fashionable bff about how much we adore his clothes lately and I can't help but agree. It's nice to know I'm not just biased! He really is just too cute, though. I swear, every time we're out in public together, girls stare at him. Granted, I'd probably do the same thing if I didn't know him. I guess I'll count myself lucky. But really, I love having a boyfriend that wears cardigans and button down gingham shirts and boat shoes and khaki skinny chinos. MMM.

I'm going to post pictures of his Valentine's Day present this week because it was too perfect for words! <3
tights- Modcloth
dress- Delias
shoes- Target
cardigan-  Jcrew borrowed from roommate
belt- the Gap

Sunday, February 19

a writing coma

i've been in a writing coma for the last twenty four hours.
in that time, i've managed to fall into a deep hibernation where the only things that exist in my brain
are the solitude of a word document open in front of me and my work station beside me containing
one full mug of tea, post it notes jotted with lines, quotes, and characters, and little goodies such as cinnamon rolls and goldfish crackers.

i'm on page 26. have i ever written anything that long in my life before? absolutely not.
have i ever been more excited about the potential of a story i've written before? absolutely not.
do i feel like my brain is turning to 'moosh' and everything i'm writing is becoming worthless? completely.

but the most important question of all?
do i love this hair brained process of hashing out a story that's lived in my head for weeks? do i love having brain funks where writer's block makes me want to give up and leave me curled in bed crying? do i love the breakthrough moments when everything makes sense and three pages are written in an hour? do i love this more than six biology tests and reading textbook after textbook about reaction mechanisms in organic chemistry? do i love the routine of writing without a routine?


Saturday, February 18

saturday morning

it's possible that sometimes waking up at 8am on a Saturday morning when you would normally sleep in until noon to go to breakfast can be worth it. this guy's parents are in town. and he just got a new iphone (luckyyyyy) so we played with it in the car. complementary colors are awesome.

Friday, February 17

awesome things on friday

1. playing apples to apples in creative writing
2. getting coffee brought to you in class
3. waking up via 'sleep cycle' peacefully and not wanting to die by the 6:45
wake up alarm
4. a four day weekend in the horizon
5. buying new pencils
6. a broken phone resulting in using a ten year old Blackberry
7. the song 'after the storm' by mumford & sons
8. and the song 'the lucky one' by jess penner
9. my valentine's day present still sitting on my desk that makes me smile 
every time i see it
10. making modcloth 'love' lists
11. a perfect frizz free hair day
12. knowing you're going to spend your weekend writing in a coffee shop
13. surprise care packages from grandma
14. going to minnesota & mall of america in three weeks
(A REAL MALL!?!?!!??!?!!?! I CANT EVEN BELIEVE IT! this idaho girl is going to
go crazy!!!!)
15. taylor swift's new music video

Thursday, February 16


there are nights that aren't meant for boyfriends or boys. the kind of nights where
listening to taylor swift in the car is absolutely necessary with your best friend.
getting 99 cent frosty's at wendys ( did i only just now find out how cheap those things
are!?) at midnight and realizing if you were still in high school, your parents never would have
let you out so late. granted, you wouldn't have not had class until noon the next day if you were still in high school, but still. finding two kids in high school parked at mansion heights with realllllllllly foggy windows, getting mildly lost on a dirt road leading to a creepy house with trespassing signs, taking the longest way home... those are the nights that aren't meant for anyone else other than your best
gal pal.

february playlist

february playlist
the lucky one jess penner // i wanna make you close your eyes dierks bentley // off to the races lana del ray// palm of your hand ingrid michaelson // valentine kina grannis // we are young fun ft. janelle monae // i won't give up jason mraz // a thousand years christina perri // jump then fall taylor swift // in my veins andrew belle // my heart will wait joe brooks // big jet plane angus & julia stone

*valentine's day inspired? i think yes.

Wednesday, February 15

it's a process

with all of this creative writing filling up my nights three times a week, i feel like i'm in a creative writing explosion. i'm always writing these days. which is actually kind of a wonderful thing. it comes easily and quickly now. i almost wonder how i'm going to stop once this semester is over. i've written four short stories that stemmed from small assignments that weren't supposed to turn into anything and i'm starting on my big twenty pager this weekend. i kind of love it. i'm learning a lot and falling in love over and over again with every assigned short story to read for class. i love short stories. i never had an appreciation for them but now that i've read some truly amazing ones, i don't think i can stop reading those, either.

today we talked about the creative writing "process". it's different for everyone and we discussed what works for us individually. i realized quickly that my process is the least time efficient and most disorganized of all. i don't plan. i don't take notes. i don't brainstorm. sometimes, all it takes is sitting down and i'll have a 1500 word story in an hour without any thought process at all. but for the long term assignments, my process is a disaster. i usually make a list in my head of ideas, lines, hooks, or characters i want to write and end up starting a story for each idea i have. this can number anywhere from two ideas or in my most recent case, six. eventually, i'll lose interest in a few of them and they'll be put on the back burner until the one that sticks around suddenly has a direction in my head. i just "know" when i've found a hook. it isn't efficient at all. for me it's all about feeling out an idea until i know it's going to turn into something. which is how i end up finishing whatever i'm writing the day before it's due, even if i've been working on it for days or weeks.

it's a process. and a bad one at that. but it works for me.

Monday, February 13

q&a: the relationship!

now & then

i wasn't planning on doing a separate q&a post just about me and my relationship, but i got an overwhelmingly large amount of questions on the subject. like, a lot. i like to be honest on my blog and in a lot of ways, i write it almost like i would a diary in terms of recounting what's going on in life. niklaas has been a part of that for almost two years and while i know everyone is here for different reasons, i'll probably continue to talk about him for as long as he's present. i guess i'm trying to get the point across that this is not a "look how great my boyfriend is" kind of blog and i don't ever want to make it seem that way.  there are those out there that probably have their judgements (mean anonymous commenters that lurk around) but i truly do blog for myself first and it is important for me to write content that's prevalent in my life. aka, i'll always talk about the people in my life if there's something i want to remember about them. he's my best friend and one of my favorite people to hang out with and go on adventures with. but he's not my whole life by any means. i really did go back and forth on a separate q&a post all about him and me and us but in the end, i liked the idea and it was fun to read your questions! plus, niklaas contributes a lot to this blog by taking pictures and it's kind of fun to include him in this little celebration of sorts. so here we go!

how did you meet?
her: i think the first time i really connected his name 'niklaas' to his face (i always heard about him or of him in high school) was when we ended up sitting together on the plane to mexico. of course, i was more interested in another boy sitting next to me and niklaas had a girlfriend so it wasn't more than a i-think-this-kid-is-the-cutest-kid-i've-ever-met-and-i-want-to-be-his-best-friend kind of attraction. i didn't have a crush on him until we spent an entire day together playing hooky at my elementary school with our mexican exchange students... and he still had a girlfriend.

him: In the airport on the way to save baby sea turtles! No big deal or anything.

what is your favorite thing about one another?
her: i think my favorite things are the things people don't know about him that i know. like, he's an amazing poet. and he's really bad at saying he isn't okay (we have that in common). and he loves hip-hop. he can be good at talking about "real" things alone but be outrageously funny around groups of people, too. and i like his pictures a whole lot. and i like that we're complete opposites but still similar. for example, you can probably tell that i talk a lot and he doesn't but that's okay. and he's just one of my favorite people.

him: Her contagious smile and passion! Definitely her passion for...well, just about everything. And her contagious laugh. Really. And how she listens to all the bands I force upon her. How she's pretty open to just about everything, and that  she's so supportive of all my photos, really! It means a ton to me, since I definitely wouldn't keep it up if people didn't enjoy it. That and her writing, which is fantastic. Seriously.

how did you make long distance work &
would you do it all over again?
her: i ask myself every day how we made it work and i really don't have an answer. we talked on the phone, texted, and skyped... but it was still the worst thing in the world and i'd only ever do it again under similar circumstances. he had wanted to go to montana for a long time so we knew there was a possibility that we wouldn't be long distance for more than a year. i think at the end of the day what got us through was just liking each other more than the distance set us back.

him: It was a lot of texting and phoning and skyping, but it was terrible, really terrible, and I don't know if I could do it again. It was rough, really rough. 

how long have you been together &
how did you get together?
her: three months away from two years! when his girlfriend came back, he left shortly after for a trip to california. i knew i had to tell him somehow that i was half in love with him but i couldn't actually "do" anything but let him figure it out himself. which i kind of accidentally helped by giving him a taylor swift cd that basically confessed my feelings. 

him: 21 months! Everything she said is true, It just kind of happened one day while I was off in California, and it was kind of a shock when I realized it, but...what are you going to do?

describe one another's style?
her: i love his clothes! i think it's cool that he went from an all flannel wearing hipster to a cashmere, cardigan, button down, boat shoe, and layering kind of guy. i look at him and giggle pretty frequently.

him: I really enjoy her clothes, she's big into patterns and florals, which I'm really not into all that much, for myself that is, so it's fascinating to see how our styles are pretty dialectical. 

what's your favorite memory together?
her: oh man! it looks like we have the same one. shucks! but i agree. going to tswift was incredible. not even the concert, but driving 8 hours together to seattle was fantastically fun and exciting and adventurous. we didn't feel 18, and in fact, we didn't feel like any age at all. we were just one with the road and listened to music and talked and just... drove. it was amazing. we took a pit stop at a park for two hours and napped and laughed and read cosmo together in the grass which was a blast.

him: Is it weird that mine is exactly the same? Well, it is. Driving is the best, seriously. You all should go on a road trip, just to do it. 

do you have exciting adventures planned that you want to do &
what would you like to do in the future together?
her: i want to go on more adventures!!! glacier. the coast. canada?? someday europe?! 

him: Traveling! Absolutely! There's nothing better. 

describe your first kiss?
her: awkward!? well. maybe. i was 18 and probably the only 18 year old who had never had the experience, so it kind of took him four tries on four separate occasions. i seriously turned my cheek to him every time! hahahaa. i love that now. but i liked it nonetheless and it's a cute memory to look back on my fairytale-like prom with him and remember it that way.

him: Um, yeah. It was pretty awkward.... that's all I'll say. 
what sets you (together) apart from other couples?
her: i think the fact that we're best friends first makes doing the most mundane things easy for us. errands. shopping. watching television shows. going to iHop for dinner. putting together packages to send people. it doesn't really matter what we do, we have fun no matter what. and being so different, it always keeps things interesting. we just kind of click.

him: I think that the best part is that we're fantastically compatible, we really get along better than most other couples I know. I think it's phenomenal, really, that we don't have many fights, or anything, we just  really get along, and I think that's the best.

what's "your song"?
her: hmm! taylor swift definitely played a big part in us getting together by being the little bird to tell niklaas i was the one he belonged with. seriously, though. other than that... i always think of "home" by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros because whenever i came home while i was away at school, he described the day i came home as "coming home edward sharpe style today". it made me blush.

him: Baby That's Not All by Josh Ritter. It's just...beautiful. Seriously. Just go listen. It'll make sense. 

what is it like being at college together and going from
high school to college?
her: it's different than i ever expected it to be but it's also exactly the same, too. we do the same things. go on the same adventures. enjoy the same things. but being a "high school couple" is not the same as being a "college couple". we've had more things to work through but we've gotten to know each other better, too. and it's really cool to "grow up" with someone and see him exploring his own new world at college!

him: It's fascinating. Just the whole, having so much time to spend with each other, and then the times when we really shouldn't be spending every waking moment together, because it's just too much, so it was a difficult process, but in the end it's pretty fantastic. 


Friday, February 10

not a friday night girl

i have never, ever been a Friday night girl. well, okay, that's not entirely true, but it is mostly true. i guess in high school i was more social than i think i realize (my sister boasts that when i left for college, she didn't even notice i left because i was never around anyways) because i was usually at someone's house watching movies or playing board games (the extent of my exciting life in high school, truly). anyways, once i got to college and realized a college week can tire the heck out of a person, i realized the beauty in a Friday night of solitude. after a week of parading around campus, studying studying studying, exchanging only brief texts with family, and waking up toooo early, there's nothing better than coming home after a long Friday (my Fridays always seem to be endless) than collapsing in bed and catching up on hulu. it's honestly rare that i'll do something too social on a Friday night. going out for a movie is kind of pushing it. that's not to say i'm totally closed minded to doing things, but i definitely need a nap and a solid two hours of hulu time before i'm motivated to be social if i am to do anything at all. what can i say? i just like calling my grandma on friday nights and hanging out with meredyth grey.

tonight, however, niklaas and i are going to star wars in 3D and i have to admit, hanging out with that kid kind of sounds better than anything after an organic chemistry filled week.

p.s. anyone know how to fix flickr!?

Thursday, February 9

it's thursday

it's thursday, which means tomorrow is friday, the worst day of the week.
ochem test, class until 5pm starting at 8am, and watching everyone else get done at noon. meh.

it might be my second night in a row eating pizza.

but, you know, tonight it's "dorm" pizza, so that doesn't really count, does it?

it was supposed to be '500 reader week' last week, but it's turning into 
500 reader two weeks (i have bits more coming!)

i really can't figure out why none of my pictures on flickr seem
to want to show up on the blog as pictures and instead show up as a jumble of letters and numbers.

niklaas and i were told we had "nice sweaters" on yesterday by a random stranger.

this week i've been lazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy
(yes, emphasis on the zzzz illustrating that i've been sleeping too much).

i'm so bored of winter.
hurrrry up spring!

lauren moffat is my favorite designer and person. i want her life. and her child....

my days are truly made when my favorite bloggers post.

i like and i absolutely loathe statistics. 

john green is the greatest person that ever lived
and i don't know if niklaas and my relationship can continue until he reads TFIOS
(my bible).

Wednesday, February 8

that one winter dance

this one time, i accidentally kind of got tricked into asking this boy to a dance. it was embarrassing, to say the very least. there was a new kid in school who had a really goofy grin and really goofy ears that i thought was kind of cute and maybe someone i wanted to become pals with, that is, if i could get past my awkward tendencies to act really awkward around people i've never talked to. that was the disadvantage of a small high school, i suppose. essentially, at some point in my life, i had probably shared a class with or talked to every single person in my school. everyone did. everyone just knew each other. so talking to someone new was not a practiced skill (and i quickly realized how out of practice i was when i got to college)(mom and dad, how do you make friends!?!?).

so the annual girls-ask-boys dance was around the corner my junior year and when my friends asked me who i wanted to ask i jokingly said goofy grin and goofy ear boy just because i really wanted to befriend the really funny kid that also stayed after school to do trig homework in mrs. mckennon's class and i had that silly wanting-to-be-friends-with-a-person kind of crush on him but not in a i-actually-want-to-date-you kind of way. anyways, on the monday before the dance (i repeat, the MONDAY before the dance), one of my friends who had a class with him texted me saying that someone else had asked him and i had better get on it if i wanted to ask him because he hadn't given the other girl an answer. um, okay? five minutes later i get another text saying, "WE DID IT!" in my mind, i kind of imagined the entire scenario of me asking him being really awkward and i could never do it because we had never actually spoken and for that matter, i doubted that he even knew who i was but in reality, it was so much worse. i freaked out and sent her ten texts in a row not even bothering to hide my phone in my sweatshirt during class demanding to know what she meant. what she meant? they had written all over his next teacher's board in class with dry erase markers asking him to the dance... with my name attached scribbled with hearts and flowers and bright pink writing. i could have died right there in my math class. there was no undoing it. he had that class the very next period. i was screwed.

so of course he saw it and of course i was more embarrassed than i'd ever been in my life because i was certain that he didn't know who i was and he'd only been at our school for maybe a few weeks so i only imagined what he was thinking about this totally strange girl asking him to a dance. i avoided the hallways for the rest of the day and hid from him at lunch. unsuccessfully, i ran into him, and i mean, i literally ran into him while trying to sprint through the hallways after school to get outside and go home but he thankfully did know my name and stopped me nicely. i tried my best to regain some sort of composure and play the whole thing off like it was just a "friendly" gesture. in the end, he was super nice about it and thanked me for asking him (i'll be honest, mormon boys can be some of the sweetest boys around and while i don't like to stereotype people, that is one stereotype i feel okay acknowledging because some of the most respectable boys i knew in high school were mormon) but said he was going to go with the girl who first asked him because she asked first. but he suggested we hang out sometime and over the semester, we were friendly and while we weren't really "friends" we shared a lot of mutual friends and ended up hanging out with our groups of friends at times.

anyways, to make a very long winded embarrassing story short, i never in a million years would have asked a stranger to a dance, but afterwards, it felt really good, even if i couldn't take any real credit. i thought he was going to think i was a freak. i thought he was going to take things the wrong way. and while i didn't do it, "i" took the first great leap to make him my friend and i've since learned that if you want to do something, you should just do it. 95% of the time, a person won't think you're too weird for approaching them first and getting all awkwardness out of the way right off the bat has a huge pay off. you always think something is going to be way worse than it turns out to be. i made some of the best friends i've made in college by just taking the plunge and striking up a conversation with the girl holding a book i like on the elliptical next to mine or sitting by the cute kid on your soccer team in genetics (*cough* that's actually my next plan of attack).

Monday, February 6

not prepared

i wasn't convinced that today was the day. i got a solid seven hours of sleep, but a busy weekend left me exhausted and grumpy this morning. i wasn't in the mood for stepping outside my comfort zone and making today "the day" i made my impression in creative writing class. i was hoping modcloth model might forget that it was my turn to read out loud but with forty minutes left in class, she decided we were going to take some time out of class for people to read out loud. ugh. she asked for the first volunteer and sitting in the very front row directly in front of her, i averted my eyes and waited for someone else to pipe up. of course, no one did. i looked up and she was smiling at me and asked me wasn't it your turn?

without looking behind me at an entire class of creative writers just as if not more infatuated with literature as i am and writing it, i started reading. my belt was too tight around my dress and i felt myself talking too fast and having to take awkward breaths at the beginning of each sentence. i was nervous. and then something remarkable happened. three sentences in, i heard laughter. and in the next paragraph, moans and groans as i described the disgusting food at our cafeteria. and more laughter when i described the stereotypical college student in a cafeteria. and more laughter when i rudely critiqued college culture throughout the story. by the time i reached the second page, i was smiling as i was reading, anxious to get to the next part. people were laughing but they were also listening to me. as i reached the last line, i wasn't nervous or shaky anymore. i said the word 'fuck' out loud in front of my writing class and the entire room erupted in laughter at the punch line of the entire story.

modcloth model was more than just smiling, i couldn't ignore that. she was beaming. and clapping. and she said that it was wonderful and set the bar for how the rest of the class should be approaching their writing. she asked for critique from the room, and more than half of the class chimed in and contributed with nice words. i sat there with my hands over my face and i almost think it's more difficult to hear people say nice things rather than mean things to you. it was just a small assignment, something i started without knowing how it would end but gradually found hooks in different characters until they were speaking for themselves. i didn't spend more than fifteen minutes on my first draft. it was really, really nothing special but something i cared about, too. it was the first thing i've written since the first day that made me so excited about the class in the first place.

we didn't get to anyone else. modcloth model lectured the class using my piece as an example of how to approach all of these themes, techniques, and ideas in their stories that i really didn't even intentionally mean to use as a creative writing approach to tell my story.

i didn't think i was ready and i didn't want to do it, but it was my day.

Sunday, February 5

a perfect weekend

a perfect weekend 
watching hulu on a friday night, sleeping in until 11:30am, spontaneous trips to the mall, 
starbucks, laughing at cute babies with a comb over, seeing a scary movie in theaters, wearing long johns into starbucks (for a second time), the forester's ball,  wearing
men's flannel, a roommate that will take 300+ pictures at a dance, being completely exhausted by the time sunday night arrives, being too busy to check facebook, being too busy living to blog, meeting parents to skii on sunday, a road trip with niklaas listening to tunes and being made fun of for loving jbeebs&sean kingston's mashup, "i'll have your babies!!!!!!", watching your roommate kiss (on the cheek) and take pictures of at least six different boys in one night, singing loudly in the car to taylor swift and having a boyfriend who will as well, looking snazzy together for "date night" and accidentally matching, finishing a disc of friends before bed, listening to ingrid michaelson and lana del ray's new albums, hot chocolate, dinner with my cousin, getting pity money from mom, recounting last night, being so tired on a sunday night you want to fall asleep by 9:30, a hot shower, zero to no homework, chap stick after being completely wind burnt, seeing ten deer on campus while walking home, a nice boyfriend that takes care of sick friends, a perfect grilled cheese, about a million new pictures to add to the "sophomore" album, and laughing randomly in the shower recalling various hilarious moments between nine fifteen and two in the morning from saturday night.

Thursday, February 2

dear YOU,

when i started blogging, i had no idea who i was going to meet, the friendships i would make, the blogs i'd become obsessed and inspired by, nor the overwhelming amount of support, feedback, and love you'd all send my way.

all of you are truly beautiful.

i've blogged since i was 16/17 and just a little high school student who didn't really know how to act around her peers (...okay, that hasn't gotten all that much better), was half infatuated with my best friend who didn't know i existed (...okay, he did, i'm not nearly as transparent as i like to think i am), had no idea where i wanted to go to college nor what to study (... remarkably, a select few of you were around when I was going back and forth between my choices), and really didn't know why i was blogging or what i wanted to do with it (...except just blog).

in all honesty, i started blogging for myself as a means of creating a sort of digital journal. it made sense to record all of my adventures and memories with pictures into a blog post. i never intended for *real* people in my life to read it or to attract readers. in fact, for the longest time, i didn't even have a title nor a layout. it just existed with my own private pictures and such.

then one day something crazy happened. a stranger commented on my blog. and i responded with an enthusiastic thank you comment that in return, gained another reply. another stranger commented and then another until i had a few frequente visitors and bloggers i started to get to know. it was crazy! i leapt out of my chair every time someone new commented on my blog and was interested in something i had to say that was never meant for an audience.

eventually, my audience grew a little bigger and at that point, i feel the need to be truthful. my blog is my own and something i'll always stand behind 100%, but it became what it was because of you. i never would have continued posting pictures if you hadn't liked them. i never would have kept going without your always kind words and amazing support. in retrospect, 500 readers is really not as impressive as the largely popular blogs around, but considering i never intended to have one reader i'm truly thankful to each and every one of you. i feel blessed to be 19 now and still blogging, sharing tid bits of life, and creating an amazing little time capsule i'll always be able to look back on.

thank you <3<3<3