I thought I'd come say hi. This feels a little weird. Technically it's only been a matter of months since I've blogged on this blog, but I thought I'm come around just in case anyone is still here.
Here's the truth of the dang thing: I fell out of love with blogging so long ago and I complained about it nonstop, and even after my "honest" posts about my feelings surrounding this blog, nothing ever really made those feelings go away. It wasn't that I stopped loving the people who stuck around or the readers who have continued to email me even when I stopped. It wasn't that I stopped loving writing. It wasn't even that I really stopped loving blogging in itself. I guess I just sort of got tired of the whole thing. I got tired of coming to this 5 year old blog and figuring out how to be "lifesize paperdoll" and the 22 year old I am now. I also got tired of the pressure to be more interesting or as cool as everyone else, as it seems the blogging community came to be about which bloggers had the coolest rug at Ikea or best Instagram with their Starbucks cup. When did everyone become so similar?
I've changed so much over the time I've been blogging. The me who started this blog never thought she'd gain a follower, never thought she would get drunk (willingly), never thought she'd think about sex until she was married, and never thought too hard about the big bad world. The fact of the matter is: I became scared of disappointing any of my long-term readers. I still am. But rather than stick around here where it was becoming harder to be more honest while receiving my first bouts of disappointed emails from readers I loved, I took myself elsewhere. I guess I needed time to sit with myself and really decide what I needed to write about again.
So here's the deal. Here is the deal. I'm done with being afraid of disappointing anyone. I'm done with sort of freaking out that so and so would read something I did on my blog and would stop talking to me forever. Because the thing is, though I quit wearing dresses from Modcloth that made me look like a mushroom and though I have changed my opinions about what I should be doing with my free time, I really am the same exact person. In fact, forming my own opinions about feminism, discrimination, alcohol, religion, government, sex, and gender politics has made me a better person in my own opinion. And here's where I say that a big part of why I decided to come clean on this public blog I know my teacher from 4th grade and ex-best friend from freshmen year will read is because the most important thing I've learned is how important it's been for me to be accepting of other people's choices. I hope we can still all be friends. I miss sharing stories of our lives and talking about TV and boys and the real part of blogging behind shiny perfect filtered pictures. I like the ugly and the real.
I doubt my new blog really looks any different to anyone right now. However, it feels different to me to have a space of vast possibilities. What's new isn't any different than who I've been, it's just a result of how I've grown. I'm excited to see where I go with this new blog. It wasn't designed by a professional and I still haven't changed much from the default Simple layout.
If you're still reading and curious, my new blog is HERE. I hope to catch up with you allllll!