Monday, October 29

honest to blog

  • i've reached the point where i'm 100% me and happy again. being there and being in this confident good place feels amazing. however, while i don't miss being in a relationship and i don't want to just go out and get a boyfriend, i've started to miss the kind of connection that comes with being that close to someone. realizing this, i've also figured out through meeting so many new people and in exploring a bit that i'm terrified. i'm absolutely terrified of even "liking" someone again and forming a connection like so again. i am excited to do it all over again someday because i know that it's going to be so much better the next time around having learned what i have. but that moment when i meet someone, and it's going well, and i'm not choking on my words or forcing the conversation to flow, tends to make me freeze in the middle of it.
  • the hardest lesson i have learned in the past year? the people you least expect to disappoint you probably will. the best lesson i've learned? time is the best testament of trust and the people who have always, always been there will still be there when the others leave.
  • i had a bit of a weird situation where something happened and instead of addressing me about it, it was left to me to find out about it through every single one of my other friends. yes, i was hurt. and yes, i was in a position to say something if i wanted to. but the best tool i've learned is indifference. starting something isn't worth it, defending myself isn't even worth it when i know that it doesn't affect my life in any big way anyways. being the better person goes far. and i can't say i would have reacted the same way just a year ago and that makes me proud.
  • there are days in college where i find myself feeling like i'm just over the whole scene. it's not that i feel superior to anyone or anything, but i feel ready for what's next sometimes. i realize i know who i am and the number of people i actually need in my life are few. but if there's one thing that i think about constantly it's the words my aunt said during our last phone call. she told me not to rush anything too quickly, to enjoy each day for what it is, because the day will come when there aren't any major milestones ahead. and if they are, they are few and far apart. truthfully, though i may feel "over" it, there are still three semesters of learning and growing to do. and i am thankful for it all regardless of how mundane it all gets to be sometimes. 
*idea taken from one of my favorite bloggers whose "honest to blog" feature is my favorite.

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11 comments:

Shawnee said...

i totally understand when you say you're "over it". not above it...just ready for the bigger and better things!! i had those feelings with high school and now college as well. it's hard but a must to remind myself to just enjoy each and every moment. someday, you will look back at these times fondly :) xoxo

ps your new hair is so pretty! brave girl.

Z said...

I'm a huge fan of Kaelah's honest-to-blogs as well, and I love this post so much! I totally agree with the college thing: sometimes, I'm totally into staying out until four, being up late studying, giggling with ben and jerry's, etc. but other times I just wonder: but what happens next?! the Real World is so much scarier than anything I've faced thus far...not really sure how I'll handle it. Anyway, just wanted you to know you're not alone :]
-Z
sometimesztakespictures.wordpress.com

Ginger Snap ♥ said...

Maggie seriously you write the most beautiful of posts! This one particularly is really fitting in my life right now and sometimes its nice to know im not the only one whos been in a similar situation. I am too scared of liking someone again but like you said its important not to rush things and one day it'll be better. Great post x

http://www.gingerrsnap.blogspot.co.uk/

Marie @ Lemondrop Vintage said...

Adore those happy little boots (honest)


Marie @
Lemondrop ViNtAge

I am having a fabulous giveaway right here.

sarah welsch said...

I need to be more carefree like you!


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Autumn said...

You will look back and college will some of your best years, or at least they were for me. I LOVED college. It was seriously the best and worse of times for me and I would do it all over again if I could.

That being said, good for you for being secure enough to just spend time with the people who will treat you well. I am guilty of being a people pleaser.

Beautifully Pure said...

I love honest to blog posts! Thanks for sharing!

I'm so glad you're back to yourself and know yourself again. That's so, so important! <3

char said...

Really glad to hear you are back to feeling like yourself again. I am really starting to understand that feeling of fear at getting close to someone. I have spent so many years avoiding that, by staying close to the person I know is wrong for me and treats me badly, just in case they change back to they way they once were. I know now that will not happen. So I'm finding myself again, and cutting the ties.

hellolyndsey said...

It's so wonderful to hear that you're happy again doll. you aunt is absolutely right- don't rush through this freedom! embrace it. and share the journey with us :) WE LOVE YOUUUUUU

Jasmine, Transient Withdrawal said...

Oh Maggie! It has been the craziest year for us both, and I just have to tell you that I don't think I would've made it without you! I'm just so happy for you, for us, and all that you've/we've accomplished! You will find love again, and you will be out of college soon. Meanwhile just enjoy the moment of being single and being a student--neither will last very long ;)

Jasmine, Transient Withdrawal said...

Oh Maggie! It has been the craziest year for us both, and I just have to tell you that I don't think I would've made it without you! I'm just so happy for you, for us, and all that you've/we've accomplished! You will find love again, and you will be out of college soon. Meanwhile just enjoy the moment of being single and being a student--neither will last very long ;)