Tuesday, April 24

about life lately

lately,  i've been a little (... a lot) frustrated with school. i love college, i really do, but once having decided what i want to do and what i want to study, i'm so ready to be done with the semester (i.e. done with organic chemistry) and move on to doing things i love. i'm ready to throw the towel in this semester and i think mentally, i'm already done. i have the drive to get through the classes i don't enjoy and the mentality that they are important and helping me whether I like to think so or not, but i'm sososo excited to move on as well. i'm not abandoning science all together. in fact, i think the fact that i've discovered that i can incorporate science and writing together in my studies has made me fall a little bit more in love with science as a whole. i'm just really excited to start studying writing as well and learn about how i can use the two together to do something i love. 

the thing about college and especially sophomore year is that everyone seems to be swimming through their classes. for the people that know exactly what they want to do, they're really lucky. but so many of us have changed our majors this year, realized they want different things out of their life than they thought they'd want as incoming freshmen, or all together realized that we're only 19/20 and have no idea what we actually want. i think that's something i'm realizing is very, very prevalent to us at this age. i might change my mind in four years or in ten, and since we can't exactly plan for those changes, we just have to be doing what we love right now in the hopes that it's somewhere along the line of the right path for us. or at least, doing something that will lead us somewhere we want to go. it's overwhelming to think about college right now as an absolute for where our lives will be in fifteen years, so i've stopped trying. i'm going to double major in journalism and take as many creative writing workshops as i can because i love both of those things and majoring in science because it's just something i like to do and know will be a versatile degree later. 

the truth about college is that it goes so fast. i'm nearly halfway done. it's amazing when all of the sudden, out of nowhere, you realize how much you've changed since the first day of class freshmen year or how little you've changed, but how much you've grown up at the same time. there's still a lot of growing up to do, but i'm more grown up than i was at sixteen who filled her journals purely on boys she liked or people she hated (... there's still a lot of that in my journals now, but there are definitely more profound thoughts in them now, too). i can't believe i only have a couple years left (but probably three) and it hit me how badly i just need to sit back, relax, study hard, but enjoy the present. we can't plan our futures right now no matter how hard we really try and i'm finally okay with that realization. nothing is easy in college and now i know that stressing over every tiny little detail of how it'll affect my future doesn't help nor will it help me later. 

i have faith that it will all fall into place as long as i'm doing something i like and working hard at it to continue in some direction that 'feels right'. and that's possibly the greatest thing i've learned so far.


elanor, said...

What a nice post...! It comforts me to read about people who are currently in college and dealing with it. I'm getting nervous for next year - everything will be so different! And I'm one of those people who doesn't know what they want to study at all...!


i'm happy that you realized on eof the things you want to do..in college! There are some who are already in their retirement age but have yet to figure out what they want :) You're lucky!

Charlotte Crowley said...

yesterday I handed in my second dissertation and the last essay of my degree. I have one more exam left and I'm done.
i'm 22 and I don't know what I want to do. neither do many of my friends. you're lucky in the States that you can change your major so easily, and take a variety of classes to see what you want. I loved that when I studied abroad. Here in the UK, you chose your degree programme when you're 17 and that's pretty much it. You can't change your mind without completely starting again.
I would say enjoy it while you can, but I've absolutely hated my final year and can't wait for it to be over.
You seem to have the right attitude right now so focus on that. And like I said, I graduate in 2 months, I'm 22 and I still don't know what I want to do. You'll get there.

Charlotte x

Monica @ All Things Lovely said...

Like the girl above, here in Switzerland they choose their career path very very early...its like 16/17 here. Its decided before high school...well their form of high school is basically a job and college mixed. My husband who is Swiss doesn't think its IDEAL, but he does see the good that comes out of it whereas myself growing up American in the states i would be OUT OF MY MIND if i had to decide at 16. I might not have chosen what i did and that would be sad.

I am sure it will work out, which I am sure you tell yourself and others tell you, but it's good to be reminded. I knew exactly what i was going to do in college...there was a time i almost switched from Graphic Design to Communcations, phew. Glad I didnt do that. But even then when I knew graphic design was what I wanted, I wasnt quite ready for it my freshman and sophmore years. It took me to my last 3 years(cus i did 5 years) till I was ready and in a place where I felt like I knew my style and what I was doign in Graphic design as an individual. Even now after being graduated 2 years Im still figuring this all out and now I have the not fun job of finding away to incorporate what I like to do as an artist into a job. {but really i want to be a mom so that is most important to me in the future} Anyway, my point is figuring things out doesn't happen in complete way always. Bits and pieces come as they come. Ha, I could probably talk lots more about this topic cus I am going through the after collegeness so its on my mind.

College was a HUGE growing up experience for me and that was THE thing i got most out of my college experience. I am most grateful for that.

Natalie said...

Being able to incorporate writing and science is definitely something that I'm interested in trying to do. It's fantastic that you've found a way to do that, and that it makes you so happy. :) I'm ready to start college, but I'm also scared because I know for a fact that absolutely everything I know about myself could very well change. But you're so right, it's vital to be able to just enjoy the present sometimes and stop stressing about the future so much. It's definitely something that I do too much.

Celynne said...

When I was nineteen, I graduated from college with a two year diploma as Library and Information Technician. I worked in that field for a few years and found it completely unsatisfying and soul-sucking. Now I'm twenty three and I'm applying to le Cordon Bleu Culinary School! Worlds apart! I'm still figuring out what I want out of life, what I want to do with myself... there is no definite answer beyond do what feels right and what feels like it will keep feeling right into the future, and roll with things are they come.