lately, i've been a little (... a lot) frustrated with school. i love college, i really do, but once having decided what i want to do and what i want to study, i'm so ready to be done with the semester (i.e. done with organic chemistry) and move on to doing things i love. i'm ready to throw the towel in this semester and i think mentally, i'm already done. i have the drive to get through the classes i don't enjoy and the mentality that they are important and helping me whether I like to think so or not, but i'm sososo excited to move on as well. i'm not abandoning science all together. in fact, i think the fact that i've discovered that i can incorporate science and writing together in my studies has made me fall a little bit more in love with science as a whole. i'm just really excited to start studying writing as well and learn about how i can use the two together to do something i love.
the thing about college and especially sophomore year is that everyone seems to be swimming through their classes. for the people that know exactly what they want to do, they're really lucky. but so many of us have changed our majors this year, realized they want different things out of their life than they thought they'd want as incoming freshmen, or all together realized that we're only 19/20 and have no idea what we actually want. i think that's something i'm realizing is very, very prevalent to us at this age. i might change my mind in four years or in ten, and since we can't exactly plan for those changes, we just have to be doing what we love right now in the hopes that it's somewhere along the line of the right path for us. or at least, doing something that will lead us somewhere we want to go. it's overwhelming to think about college right now as an absolute for where our lives will be in fifteen years, so i've stopped trying. i'm going to double major in journalism and take as many creative writing workshops as i can because i love both of those things and majoring in science because it's just something i like to do and know will be a versatile degree later.
the truth about college is that it goes so fast. i'm nearly halfway done. it's amazing when all of the sudden, out of nowhere, you realize how much you've changed since the first day of class freshmen year or how little you've changed, but how much you've grown up at the same time. there's still a lot of growing up to do, but i'm more grown up than i was at sixteen who filled her journals purely on boys she liked or people she hated (... there's still a lot of that in my journals now, but there are definitely more profound thoughts in them now, too). i can't believe i only have a couple years left (but probably three) and it hit me how badly i just need to sit back, relax, study hard, but enjoy the present. we can't plan our futures right now no matter how hard we really try and i'm finally okay with that realization. nothing is easy in college and now i know that stressing over every tiny little detail of how it'll affect my future doesn't help nor will it help me later.
i have faith that it will all fall into place as long as i'm doing something i like and working hard at it to continue in some direction that 'feels right'. and that's possibly the greatest thing i've learned so far.