Monday, May 6

being alone and getting ready to say goodbye to missoula

This weekend was the literal BEST.*

Without a roommate* and most of my friends gone and/or busy this weekend, I declared I was going to make my apartment a cabin in the woods and just not leave except to go downtown one time to see my friend and eat breakfast in the 70 degree sunshine. That still counts, right? You can drive to town on vacation? And also to see a movie? But I digress, no one visited me and while I left for no more than a couple hours, I enjoyed the quiet by myself. I lived by my own schedule, did exactly what I wanted to do, and did it shamelessly. Not that it was much different from when my roommate is home because I still do those things, it just feels more spectacular for some reason all alone.

At first when we got this apartment I was like, well, great. We are fifteen minutes from everyone we know and it takes ten minutes to get downtown. We are isolated. But, really, looking back, I thoroughly enjoyed what a nice change that quiet was compared to living on campus where you are constantly surrounded by people rarely with a minute alone to think. I had a lot of quiet time this year. I was only social when I wanted to be which was a gift. I needed a break to recharge and though next year we will probably most likely be back in the middle of it all close to campus and downtown, I feel more aptly ready for the business now.

There's just one last weekend left in Missoula before summer and dare I say, I think living so far away actually did force me to enjoy this "city" more because when I did get lonely, I was forced to venture out. I have my very own places here now and regular spots I frequent when the quiet is a bit too much. I am a RUNNER now and pass the same people on my scheduled runs during the week. I fell a lot more in love with Missoula this year and I am more sad than ever before to leave the place I think I made more into a home for myself than I have previously. 

And I think that's what's so different this time. It's not the people I'm sad to leave because I know we'll all be back, but actually the place and what it means to me now. A personal connection, I suppose we could call it. This place has become a second home and I am lucky to have it.

*Jenny, if you're reading this, which you probably aren't, I just want you to know I was very depressed while enjoying my quiet solitude that you weren't there and my weekend of course would have been better had you been. I was just, you know, making do without you.


Brissa said...

i always loved being the last one in my apartment. being as quiet as i wanted. shuffling around, doing whatever. it was the best. i totally get this. i love your weekend.

kylee said...

i swear your writing got better over the past few weeks.

kylee said...

as if it needed to be better. i could have sworn it was perfect already.