Saturday, June 16

i had a dream last night

i was, for some unknown reason, unable to be seen, heard, or felt. 

the first thing i remember was opening the door to my bedroom after coming home from work like any normal day of the week and discovering to my complete and utter horror (kidding, it was mostly just a feeling of extremely awkward discomfort), every single person that had every disliked or hated me at some point in my life sitting in a circle on my bedroom floor. initially, i kind of awkwardly stood there, waiting for someone to address the fact that i had entered but no one looked up. it was at this point i realized no one could see me. i proceeded to walk around my room (the way dreams seem to be able to make impossible things possible like squishing ten people into my teensy bedroom at home is kind of amusing) looking and listening to these people. they were telling stories and laughing and i soon began to feel better about the situation. so i just sat there, listening and laughing like i was part of the conversation (even though i clearly wasn't). and then, the conversation turned. and just like that, they were telling stories about me and describing all the ways i'd done them wrong or even annoyed them slightly; attacking every side of my personality, ranting about the way i dressed and looked, laughing at everything unfortunate that had ever happened to me, and roasting me like a helpless pig that couldn't say anything or do anything. i kept wanting to budge in and defend myself but of course, nothing i did mattered.

then, i got a text message. it was from 'weather underground' (yeah, i subscribe to their weather updates in real life, too) informing me via text that the neighboring volcano to my house was about to go off at any moment! evacuation was pivotal for survival. i immediately jumped up and started screaming at everyone in my room telling them to please, please get out because a volcano was about to go off and we were all about to die but no one could hear me or see me. i could leave at that moment and save myself or i could try and save these people that didn't know they were about to die. i chose, immediately, to run around the room and begged for them to hear me and that i only wanted the best for them and i only wanted to help them, but they continued to sit and laugh and ignore me. at this point, i was sobbing uncontrollably because i knew that they couldn't hear me and all of them were about to die and even though i knew that they hated me, i didn't want any of them to die or be trapped in my house while the world erupted in fire. it was the worst feeling in the entire world, knowing at any second they were going to die and i couldn't do anything about it.

i woke up (as every dream seems to do) just as the volcano went off. and just as it did, while everyone in the room jumped to their feet in a mad scramble, one particular ex-girlfriend of someone i knew looked at me and i knew from the look in her eyes that she saw me. but it was too late.

i'm trying to figure out what this dreams means. maybe nothing! maybe something! about my subconscious? about hidden feelings deep down in my weird little brain? i pulled out my dream book the second i woke up that helps decipher what your dreams mean and i think i've come up with some sort of mini-conclusion. anyways, putting it into writing makes it feel less intense than it was, but i woke up quite shaken up and all twisted about this. if you have any ideas or ever like to interpret your own dreams, i'd love to hear about it.

1 comment:

Nicole Testa said...

Man, that is one intense dream. I like the idea of writing down your dreams and kind of thinking through them. I've been having a lot of trouble remembering my dreams lately, but a few nights ago, I had a weird dream where my old boss, who I love dearly, still worked for us, and I met Kurt Vonnegut (who asked if I "desired" him, yeah I don't know) and it left me feeling really glum, since I can't meet him or work for my old boss anymore. It was still nice to dream-talk with them for a little while, though, I guess.