Monday, September 10

that moment when

you realize you were over it a long time ago, an embarrassingly long time ago, and hearing the words is what kept you clinging to any kind of hope of "what could have been"; you don't feel sad or even upset and in fact you just kind of feel sated, like you reached the end and had a good time but you're ready for the next train; you realize you're happy and excited and these words were what you needed to just go with it; acceptance is scary but the best treat you can give yourself; you feel like slapping yourself in the forehead and laughing at the same time because you realize how simple the entire equation is and the only thing ever okay in a relationship is being treated how you deserve to.

it's a pretty great one, let me tell you. 

i have had the best last few days. the best i've had in months. i've been the most 'myself' i've been in maybe months. i feel reborn and refreshed, but best of all i feel hungry and eager for the future. this isn't a temporary high and i know there will be missing, but i also know there's a huge difference between missing and wanting. now that the wanting is 100% gone, the rest is history. i want better. i want more for myself. i want a 'man', not a boy. someone who is good through and through, not just in pieces and parts. someone that sticks to their word. someone i can stay up with until four in the morning just talking. someone mature. someone better. and when the time comes i'll be ready. i'm not bitter, i'm just better and healthier. i'm free. and i'm ready to soar in the most cliche way possible.
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4 comments:

hellolyndsey said...

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Nicole Testa said...

"I'm not bitter, I'm just better." You are my favorite.

Brooke said...

I can totally relate to you - not currently but in the past. It's always GREAT to work on yourself as a person and I am so glad you've had a couple great days!

Elanor said...

Feeling the EXACT same way.