Friday, February 24

#whitegirlproblems

it's a weird, weird experience when a "real" person, aka a person in the flesh, tells me they read my blog. to make it better understood, it's a little bit like someone coming up to me and telling me that they read my diary. which, for lack of a better word, is mortifying. through my head run all the things i've said, all the pictures i've posted, and weird things i might have written that are now coming back to haunt me. it unnerves me.

don't get me wrong, i'm completely aware of the fact that i have made a choice by blogging. if i'm going to blog about "real" things, it means that every one of those uncomfortable things are accessible by everyone i know. i'm not complaining. i'm aware that i do blog and therefore, i'm basically opening the door to my own personal photo-diary/journal. 

that being said, it never stops being weird. the difference between cyberspace and "real" people is that these "real" people know me as they think they know me from the day to day "me" they see. i'm not saying that i reveal 'who i really am' on my blog and i hide from the outside world here, but i will admit that on my blog i'm a bit more open than i am in person. i'm afraid that when they find out and read it, they'll judge me or think differently of me. because this is every bit like a diary to me. maybe it would be different if i chose to blog about the less awkward, less meaningful, less "me" things, but i do. it's a bit more than 'look at these pictures of where i've been and what i'm wearing'. i would say that it wasn't a conscious decision in the beginning to keep it a secret, it just wasn't something i was broadcasting because why would i tell everyone i knew to come join the bandwagon and read all about my 'interesting' life? no, i will probably never be that person but only because i don't really think i'm that cool or interesting at all and i don't want people to assume that when they find out i have a blog (i really, really don't think i am). but slowly people have found it through things like twitter, tumblr, and facebook. it's unsettling. very unsettling. but. i am coming to terms with the fact that people will and are finding out about it and when it comes down to it, i really don't care what they think. i will always blog for me even if that means that my diary is leaked to the public eye.

#whitegirlproblems
snow4

6 comments:

Shawnee said...

amen. i couldn't have said it better myself

Dadi said...

even though I only started blogging a couple months ago and that I don't have actual readers, the fact that one day somone I know could actually read my blog freaks me out. and I can't actually decide what would be worse - me knowing that or not ...

hellolyndsey said...

you are amazing and hilarious. i am 100% with you on this!!! i just recently found out that locals in my town read my blog and i was SUPER embarrassed.. and then i thought why? they told me they liked it, so apparently my stuff is pleasing to them, right? haha!
xoxox

Natalie said...

I totally agree. If people I know IRL were to read my blog, I would be terrified... not because I have anything really horrible to hide, but just because I don't want them... you know... reading those things. I don't know. There's just that underlying feeling that it's just wrong, somehow. Bleh.

kylee said...

i always feel instantly awkward when someone tells me they read my blog. i do the same thing - go through all my recent posts and worry about the things i said, espeically if it involves them. the first time luke asked to see my blog i about had a heart attack. sometimes i forget how public my blog is and that anyone can read it. but in the end i decide i don't care. i decide that i like being open on my blog, heaven knows i can't do it as well in person. those 'real life' people who read my blog get to know me in an entirely different way. they get to know me on a deep & personal level. they can choose to either love or hate me for it but in the end i know i was completely honest and that is all i can ever do.

Jamie Rose said...

I completely know what you mean! I haven't told real-life people about my blog for whatever reason. My mom reads it and even I think it's a bit strange. Why is it so different for people we know in real life to read our blogs? I get comments in real life that I should have a blog, but I never tell them that I do! Maybe I should!