Monday, January 9
when i was a freshmen in high school, i had this best friend. i thought this person was the greatest person on the planet and oh my goodness, she just understood me perfectly. we could talk for hours and they would listen to everything i had to say and was always there for me! eventually, other people started to realize how awesome this person was, too. and then we moved to the big high school and a lot of people started to realize how pretty this person was as well. they were the complete package. but i still felt special even as this person was surrounded by so many people because, "maggie, sometimes i think you're the only person that understands me. so and so does this and this and just doesn't get it!". i felt special when i saw my name on this person's lunch calendar. i felt special when this person talked about all of her other friend's and all the cruel things they did to them. and then the day happened when it felt like everyone was calling this person their best friend... and then the day happened when i got stood up. and stood up again. and three times. and then this person had a significant other in their life who was a senior and just "so cool". and i realized that i wasn't unique. not to this person who never asked to make plans with me and never called me first. it was a one way friendship and i killed myself to always be there for this person when i had to be scheduled, and often skipped, into their day.
it was a big lesson but maybe one of the best lessons i ever experienced in high school. it took one person to really show me what being a friend was and what being a friend was not. and as soon as i realized how much of a one way friendship it had become, it was over. sure, there was some drama and it ended in a way i wouldn't have chosen with too many parties involved and ugly words, but from that point forward, i decided i wouldn't accept anything less in a friendship than i deserved. we all deserve friends that pick us up and don't even have to ask if you need them to be there for you, they just are. we deserve friends that care enough to pick up the phone as well. effort goes both ways.
two years out of college, my friendships are changing again. the people i valued so much in high school are changing. of course, this is to be expected. people change. can i blame them? not really. we all make new friends and create new lives for ourselves. in a way, i can't really expect the same people to stick around. at the same time, the disappointment of unanswered texts/emails/messages always hurts.
there are people i thought i'd always be close to. i think that's what's most surprising and disappointing. but, in spite of everything, i've also realized recently that there are people i wouldn't have expected to become even more close to after high school. i spent last week with people that were casual friends in high school and maybe it's silly that i'm only now realizing what amazing people they are now that we've graduated, but it doesn't change the fact that they're the ones that come back time and again over every single school break. and they're the ones that are growing as people and will grow with me as i navigate this "growing up" phase in my life. it's strange. but somehow, reminding myself that people who want to be in your life are the ones that make themselves a presence makes me feel alright. it's all okay.