Sunday, January 15
i remember the first time i ever watched the notebook. and no, it wasn't with a boy. it was with my sister. i was probably no older than 15 and by the end of the movie, i was almost laughing. the thought that two people one year older than me fell in "love" was amusing. i didn't believe in it. needless to say, i hated the movie and i definitely thought that fairytales and fantasies were a joke. fast forward two years, and i watched it again. i don't know if it was the age difference (although that very well might be the case) but for some reason, i found that i liked it. and maybe a little part of me hoped that fairytales did exist. clearly not to girls like me, however, who was nearly 18 and had never even kissed a boy (a fact i never admitted to anyone). but there was a small sliver of hope inside me that hoped that maybe they exist in the far, far future. and that small bit of me watched the notebook every single time it was on television and even recorded it to my DVR.
not even six months later, i got one. a real live fairytale. i think people tend to undermine teenage relationships (me included) because 99% of the time, they don't last and no one really thinks that a 17 year old can know anything about "love" when they've only known each other for a few months. however, i gained more than just a brief summer 'romance' so to speak and more than a cliche lovey-dovey fairytale. i gained a best friend. a really, really good friend. and that's what my fairytale was. finding someone that i had a crush on who had a crush on me that i loved hanging out with more than anyone. someone i could watch movies with, play video games with, go shopping with, go on errands with, and sit around my house and do what i'd do alone with someone. and maybe a litttttle small piece of me thought that maybe i knew kind of what allie and noah had. a little bit.
i made niklaas watch the notebook on friday night. yeah, okay. cliche. date night. watching the notebook. aside from thinking that he just really needed to see the cutest love story ever told as someone who is a huge hopeless romantic, i really did want to see it again (with him) to enjoy the irony of it. a movie i used to hate because it portrayed romance in such a frilly, obsessive kind of way that i was now watching in a relationship with someone in a more or less similar kind of way.
but when it was over, i looked at him and realized everything i ever thought about romance and relationships was completely wrong because of that movie. it was cute, sure. we have our cute moments, sure. but a better story is a real one. one with ups and downs, falling in and out of love at different times, struggling at moments, and a lot of work. our story. and after a rough period of adjustment and resettling, i realized that i loved the place we were in at that moment. it wasn't a "notebook" kind of happy. it was better. with everything behind us (long distance, two different schedules, starting college together), we could finally just be "us" again. happy. easy. and with a future to be excited about.