Friday, April 26

on a date with a hipster and the worst question that could be asked was asked

enter scene. there's me, in a floral dress i did in fact purchase at goodwill for 99 cents and thrifted lace up boots (maybe i selectively chose these items in my closet for a reason but it's not like i don't love these items anyways), and a male specimen one might think was a hipster because of his unshaven scruffy face, square glasses, hoodie layered with a down vest combination, and adidas sambas. the story of how this came to be is not one of interest so let's just proceed with the fact that this was happening over a cup of coffee and the most daunting question a 'hipster' can ask you was asked: what kind of music do you listen to?

well, in a moment of sheer panic because this is without a doubt a game changer of a question, i came up with what i thought was the perfect answer: mumford and sons. largely and mostly due to the fact that it was a safe answer but not one that is untrue in the slightest and what i figured even to the most pretentious to be an admirable choice. however, how to proceed once you say that you listen to them is another matter. that was another test in itself. they might respond in a number of ways that actually require you to pass an even harder second test of how to follow up your acceptable answer by proving that you are a) not a poser b) knowledgable of further "good" music. and let me explain, please.

hipster man: so, what kind of music do you listen to?
you: mumford and sons

if they answer by saying...
hipster man: cool, they're pretty good even if they're overrated and shouldn't have won the grammy this year.
then you say...
you: i agree. have you ever listened to the tallest man on earth? they are great, too, but not as many people have heard of them.
you win because they then say...
hipster man: oh, totally! that's rad! i can't believe you know them. *admits in mild self defeat but strangely sits up straighter suddenly interested as if aware of they are in the presence before them someone that knows their folk indie bands*

but if they answer by saying...
hipster man: oh, mumford is a favorite, that's awesome. what else do you listen to?
then you try not to freak out by coming up with another safe alternative and tell the truth
you: well, actually, i listen to a lot of taylor swift...
if you're lucky then they appreciate the irony and they might say..
hipster man: i have 22 on my iPod and i can't stop listening to it. 
you: i actually met her. it was the greatest day of my life.
you win!

and if they answer by saying...
hipster man: oh, that's cool...
then you realize they consider you just a bandwagon follower so should you try to make yourself seem cool? EH, wrong. shove it in their scruffy homeless hipster face.
you: and i love taylor swift.
hipster man: *silence* that's... well. *silence* have you ever heard of (insert bad name that doesn't even sound real at all)?
you: ... no.
and you probably just lost but at least you were honest and you only want someone who appreciates every little thing about you anyways, flawed or not. walk out the door. immediately. no, wait, don't. finish the cup of coffee with the knowledge that if a person can't even light heartedly listen to a taylor swift song then they take themselves much too seriously.

i will let you decide which scenario actually happened. 

15 comments:

lindsayisweird said...

I love your blog! You are so funny. Thanks for making my Friday! :)

Shelby said...

HAHAHAHA!!! Maggie... i seriously just died. why are you the most perfect human EVER, and why was every one of those scenerios complete truth. oh my word, i can't even handle it. oh hipster boys. and you are soo right. if one can't enjoy at least one t swift song, then they take themselves WAY to seriously.

Natalie said...

OH DEAR.

k8te said...

hahaha love it. i HOPE it was scenario one... :)

SomeoneLikeYou said...

I literally aspire to be you with your cleverness!

Brissa said...

hipsters...i tell ya.

Meg! said...

WHICH ONE HAPPENED???

Shawnee said...

ohhhhh man. it is honestly one of the most hard/judged questions ever! truth though: i listen to many different kinds, so i hate having to a 'one genre' type of person. like, no. totally agree on the taylor swift thing. if the future he can't dance with me to her...then, no.

you're rad.
xo

Glória Hefzibá said...

Great post, very funny!


Peace,
Glória
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Malin Rouge said...

The last one? ;D
Such a funny little story :)

Spark&Bark

xx

Lizzie said...

For the record, I love Taylor Swift too. Sure, in recent years she's made some questionable choices, but that can be true for anyone in the spotlight.

Boo, hipster. He's silly.

Sara said...

Wow, TOTALLY cringe-worthy, and I think that's because most of us have totally been there.

My scenario was when I said the band I like, and then the hipster started going off about some super rare side-project one of the band members did, then looked at me and said, "what do YOU think about that?" To which I had to confess I wasn't an uber-fan like he apparently was.

We still dated for like 3 months, but it was awful, and no you can never win these conversations.

Debbie said...

Wait, he was totally testing you with a fake band. So you won, because you said no. It's like this:
http://youtu.be/W_IzYUJANfk

Z said...

sweet wonder, you sound a lot like me trying to talk to all the hipsters at my school...except instead of taylor swift, it's stupid little pop punk bands. sigh.

kylee said...

floral dresses are my vice. floral anything actually. i'm totally that hipster (but don't call me that, because i hate it) chick who wants to know what music people listen to. and yes i totally judge them by it. if they like what i like, they win. but now i want to know which one really happened. was it the last one? please say no. also, this was one of your best posts EVER. just sayin.