Saturday, July 21

a living cliche

the thing about breakups, i'm realizing, is that you feel like you're the only one going through it and no one in the world has ever been through what you're going through. slightly selfish, sure, but suddenly, everything seems so specific to you. every song on the radio seems like it was written for me and me alone. when the 'sad' songs are suddenly relatable, they hit you that much harder. it took me a few weeks to get over the self-loathing-no-one-can-relate-to-me-so-i'm-not-going-to-talk-to-anyone-because-they-just-don't-understand-me stage, but once i did, i realized the truth of it. every single person will go through this and most people have. i'm living a cliche. i am a cliche. nothing about my situation is very unique. boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl break-up. does the reason really matter? does how long we were together matter? it hardly matters. at the end of the day, it hurts no matter what when someone disappoints you. i remember at the beginning of our relationship, i reasoned through every step of it and tried obsessively hard to be 'smart' about it. i tried to prevent myself from falling too fast or too hard and i tried to take it as slowly as possible. i was smart until i wasn't being smart anymore and letting things slide that i shouldn't have, but in the end, every logical thought didn't matter. pain demands to felt, as said by john green, and it's a constant roller coaster of being absolutely positive to missing like crazy to the point of pits in my stomach to not even knowing if i am even attracted to him anymore.
DSC_3150 copy
but i'm not unique. maybe we had (maybe even still have) something special, but the feelings aren't. it's simple. and in some ways, i like that. because with every break-up, is something better afterwards. everyone is eventually okay. everyone ends up okay. everyone eventually learns more afterwards (i definitely have). i'm happy to say that i'm thinking about it less than i was a week ago and the week before that and the week before that. i can't say that it's any easier, but gaining perspective the past couple of months has made all the difference. and i can say that i'm no longer thinking about it to no end or wrapping my mind in circles around it. i'm better than i was, i'm happier than i was, and whatever happens will be for the best.


Lizzie said...

I've struggled with the idea that I am a cliche, too. I think there's nothing more damaging for an artist than to feel he/she can't produce original work. It's a shame, but it's also the truth.

I'm glad you're happier than you were. That's always good to hear.

By the way, that photo is gorgeous. It should be used for a cover of The Catcher in the Rye or something! :)

Beautifully Pure said...

What a great post! Glad you're feeling better. :)

Abbey said...

I love your posts, Maggie! I hope your happiness continues to grow each day!

Elanor said...

I hate to say this because I don't want either of us to have to go through this or be in pain (even if it's inevitable...) but i'm glad that you're going through this at the same time i am because i can look to you as my role model, maggie. you are so strong and i'm so glad that you are doing well and that we are friends.

<3 xx
i will be emailing you soon!

kylee said...

pain demands to be felt. i am so glad you used that quote in this post. it's perfect for the situation and exactly the type of pain i thought of when i read it. physical pain demands to be felt too, but emotional pain is the reallllly painful kind of pain that demands attention when you wish to ignore it. i love where you say it isn't easier, but you gain perspective. i had never thought of it that way, but see it perfectly now. because it really doesn't get easier, not at all. but as you learn and grow you see things you didn't before which allows you to handle the situation with more strength. sidenote: did you take that picture?! it is uhhh-maaazzeee-ing.

Poppy Smith said...

I don't agree lovly, every couple is different and every split has a different history. The pain you're going through may be similar to others, but it is yours. None will ever feel it in the same way.

I split from my ex recently, i thought I would never gt ore the hurt and the anger but now I feel a bit indifferent. It takes time to dal and you must let yourself heal, not berate yourself with feelings of insignificance.

I hope I time you come to terms with why this has happened. Until then, surround yourself with positive people, make a whole new set of memories to keep you on the right track xxxx

Anonymous said...

Hey, Maggie! It's been awhile since I last visited your blog. Wow, I missed a lot! I'm sorry about what happened with Niklaas. :/

I can't say much because I've never been in your position before. I've never really been with anyone, but I'm glad to know that things are getting better everyday. Hang in there and keep smiling. :]

Lots of love, B
Tweet me: Viva_La_Breee