Wednesday, March 28

where are my priorities!?!?!

i shouldn't be blogging.
in fact, i really, really should not be blogging because of all of the things i have 
to do before i get to go home in 48 hours. just 48 hours!!!!!!

i think i realized something today.
i was sitting here, at my desk, while a huge pile of homework stood to my right
that i really, really didn't want to look at.
and the more i looked at it, soaking in every minute left i had to
blog telling myself again and again that i was wasting my time when i should
be studying,
the more i realized i didn't just hate it.
i hated it.

and a question crept into my mind.
one that i texted niklaas a couple of weeks ago
and have asked myself a thousand times since coming to college.
why am i doing this!?!?
i'm not passionate about it. not like i am with blogging, writing,
journaling, reading, and being an emotionally obsessed bookworm.

it's something i can tolerate.
enough that i can't abandon my biology degree completely,
because i do find some aspects amazing and i am good 
at a few select parts of it,
but i shouldn't be doing something because of what steady job
it may get me or the money i'll get.
maybe as a backup for the future it's a good idea, 
but not for this moment.
just because we're told we are smart enough to do
something or that we should make the "smart"
choice doesn't mean we always should.

i just know.
i shouldn't be doing it anymore. 
it shouldn't be my primary focus.
i should be doing what i love as my momma told me.
i want the struggle, i want the crappy paying jobs,
i want to not be able to afford the clothes i love.
because it will mean that i'm kind of maybe finally
doing what i'm passionate and good* at.

*in no way am i specifying that i'm a genius writer or the next great novelist. i'm definitely not. i'm so far from that and that in itself i has stopped me from picking another major these four semesters. but at the moment, it seems to be what i'm best at academically. 


Anonymous said...

I went straight to college right after high school. After about a semester I left b/c I just wasn't ready for it. But every semester afterward I told myself I wanted to go. I needed it.

I eventually realized what I need, what I wanted, was to be happy. It was to do the things that make me happy even if its spending them majority of my time with loved ones will I work a crappy job. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to find great job, and realized that I don't need to go to school to do what I want. Which is start my own business and freelance writing.

With the increasing costs of high education and the quality going down, I personally think that for me, unless I need a degree to work in a chosen field, I won't attend school.

I do think in a few years I'll become a certified nurse and maybe a midwife, but that's for personal reasons, not monetary.

Do what makes you happy. You get one life. This is it, right now. So make the most out of every single second.

Shawnee said...

i honestly ask myself all the time if i really wanna be in college...but i'm to scared to leave i think. it's like my security blanket. i'm a second semester freshman right now, but i really do LOVE college.

i've been taught since i was little to do what i matter the money or anything else. my mom always tells me 'whatever makes you happy!...if you're happy, i'm happy for you:)'
so that helps sooo much!

i am an art major and english (writing) minor currently...doing the two things that i LOVE the most!

i definitely recommend going to school for what you're passionate about....otherwise it's not worth it!

you only live once...and you don't wanna waste days away where you're not completely happy :)

hope this helps/good luck to you with all!


kylee said...

please live the writing life. even if it's only through your blog and personal pieces of paper. but really. you have such a way with words. even if you do go with the biology path, just make sure writing is still a part of your daily life. it's a talent of yours. major talent.

lazy explorers said...

Last semester my major was in Elementary Education. I decided on that simply because I could not think of anything else I would be moderately good at. After I saw that many of the bloggers who I admire and adore have a degree in Graphic Design, I researched it. Now I am majoring in Graphic Design and I am a whole lot happier. If you want to write, then I say write!

Jessica said...

Something I've realized since I graduated from college in 2008--what you major in doesn't always matter that much. My uncle was an English major, and he still got into med school! Sometimes having a different background makes you more diverse! The main thing to remember is to do what makes you happy. What do you find rewarding? Figure it out, and do it!

Bethany Kellen of bunnypicnic said...

i'm going to school for what i love.
not for what would make me money.
do it girl.

Abbey said...

I swear we are twins. I had this same epiphany a little more than a year ago- went home to my parents and started crying telling them I had to change my major. They thought I was failing, but the truth was I was doing just fine... but I hhhhaaatteddd it. I changed my major to Media Production with their obvious blessing, and now am soooo much happier doing something that inspires me everyday. You got this, girl!

Sadie Dear said...

I graduated 6 years ago, and 2 years "late". I still haven't figured out what I want to do- at 31. What I am doing for pay is exactly what I could have done straight out of high school! Nevertheless: I really appreciated the college "experience": it was good for my confidence in my own abilities, and for my personal discipline. Only you can decide what is best for you!

Linda said...

You, my dear, are asking the age-old questions... Here I am at 47 and I've worked for basically one institution all of my life which just so happens to be a University. Back when I graduated high school, college wasn't necessary for every career and I started in my first full-time job here at the University where I remain to this day, 28 years later.

Times of course have changed and a degree in something is mandatory. But the thing that hasn't changed is the need to find something that makes us happy.

For me, I'm still wondering at times what that is. It's not really the paid career that I've had these 28 years. Sadly perhaps, and yet, I've found that choosing my attitude each day is what counts and what makes all the difference.

As for doing what I love - that is also writing, photography, art, music, and first and foremost being a wife and a mom. Those may not sound like lofty goals to many people, but they are what make me who I am, and it's funny but when someone asks me what I do... I always tell them all of those things first, before my paid career.

As for my three daughters - one of my own and two of my husband's - I wish that they would passionately pursue studies/a career in where their gifts lie. Instead, I took the safe route and dare I say, the lazy route for me. While it's not my dream job, it's provided for my family and given me a wealth of experience. :)

Wishing you all the best and remember that it's an exciting gift to be young and to have one's whole future before them. ♥


Beautifully Pure said...

That is a great realization! Nothing beats doing what you love. <3