Monticello, Virginia, and Sophie

Last spring, I got a phone call from my sister. I knew already that she was supposed to find out whether or not she got into the hardest school she applied to, but what I didn't expect was a phone call from her as she logged into her account online to see if she got in. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit the inside of my cheek until it bled. I was completely nervous and went over in my head what I was going to say that would be encouraging if she didn't get in. Sophie, you're wonderful and everything happens for a reason? It's UVA's loss, not yours? You did everything you could? Those sort of things. I waited impatiently as I heard her type in her user name and password in silence.

More silence.

"Sophie?" I asked.

And finally, I heard laughter. A sort of surprised kind of laughter that came in short breaths like she was figuring out for herself how she was feeling. I wasn't sure if she was experiencing the laughter you feel when you get bad news leading to hysteric tears or if it was a happy astonished sort of laughter.

"Sophie!? Did you get in?!" 

I swear, it was one of the longest moments of my life. And then she said the six words I'll never forget that in my 19 years of being an older sister to her exemplified everything I knew about her in one question.

"Why would they let me in?!"

It wasn't fake and it was completely genuine. She said it through her continued laughter and her disbelief perfectly showed how humble of a person she is.

Whereas I am sometimes self-indulgent and idealistic, my sister is humble and selfless. She worked ten times harder than I did in high school and got one hundred times the reward. She deserved everything she got because she earned it. The school that is her perfect fit is the one she was accepted to and given a hunk of change to fly across the country to attend. Last weekend, my Grandma, Mom, and I all hopped on separate planes and got to visit her in Virginia where she's now been for two months. I finally got to see her in the place where she didn't believe she stood a chance of going to. 

Sophie, I am proud of you. But I am (also) absolutely and sincerely happy for you. I am so happy that you got yourself to Virginia and created the life you have now for yourself. I only got to see a snipet of your life and I'm sure there is a lot I will never know about it. But from what I saw of you there, you stood taller than I've ever seen you. You fit there. And it is exactly what you deserved to get.

currently

I am only days away from turning t w e n t y o n e. This picture sums up my feelings about the matter pretty well, actually.

I spent my week sleeping in a tent in the mountains. Except, I sort of cheated big time this year because I used the internet every day by walking to the Lodge that was yards away from our campsite. Is it excusable because I had a sinus cold so the grand ten hour hikes my sister and parents went on were out of the question?

I have fleas. Seriously. I loved a cat too hard.

I used the bathroom at City Target twice today and walked out both times without buying anything. Public bathrooms in Downtown Seattle are a rarity, you know.

I've decided to just rename July as "Maggie's Birthday MONTH of Celebrations". At the moment, I've had one party and I have a minimum of three to go.

I have more to say later when I'm back from vacation (mentally). Mentally, I'm still in the mountains with my family. Give me a few days. Also, I've relapsed and I'm still sick.

hawaii: days three & four

i've been figuring out how to put into words everything that the last couple of days in hawaii really were. i thought i was finally stumped into silence until i realized that it wasn't that i couldn't put it into words, it's just that i didn't want to. there were some things i wanted to keep to myself, some experiences i kind of selfishly want to keep contained in the contents of my journal. i know, i know. i'm a sourpuss.

i will say that it was beautiful. i will say that standing on the cliffs of molokai on the last day and feeling small in comparison to the world and life in general was a humbling experience. one i don't think you need to go to hawaii to feel, necessarily, and one i've felt while running the trails along the clark fork river in missoula. it's liberating and wonderful. stepping outside of your routine for a moment to see the big picture of things. it's the best experience, if you're asking me.

i didn't take a second of this trip for granted and i'm counting my lucky stars i was blessed with this opportunity. i soaked it all in. i wrote in my journal every night for hours trying to write it all down. i took pictures upon pictures upon pictures. i put my phone away and just felt it all.

and even though it's been almost two weeks since we were there, i'm still finding sand in my ears and suitcase.

it's 2am and i'm back in the lower 48 and doing homework due in 6 hours

well, hawaii. i have a lot to say about hawaii. i didn't think i would because i didn't think it was going to be a thought provoking trip but the last day sort of did me in regarding profound thoughts! ...although i may not go into them very much. we'll see, we'll see.

but anyways, back to the point. i am back! in the lower 48! and it seems insane to me that just 24 hours ago i was enjoying my last night alone in my very own bedroom with a remote control light and a tv with CABLE watching friends before passing out in the most comfortable bed i've ever slept in. it even beat the hilton mattresses, guys. nothing says, "welcome back to reality!" like homework assignments due at 8am that i haven't started although it's 2am even though i had a few very open windows of homework time in hawaii. but, like, my mind wasn't in homework mode. it was in pure exhaustion mode by the time my day at the beach/hiking/absorbing my surroundings was said and done and the only thing i could do was remain motionless either on the deck overlooking the ocean or in bed with a sunburn. like, what was i supposed to do?

...study, obviously. i should have. could have. but in reality, this is my only homework assignment due this week. and so i think pulling an all nighter after 9 days away is not a bad bargain, really.

now let me proceed with two pictures that summarize my feelings at the moment more perfectly than the 2am mumble jumble above:

how i felt being IN hawaii

how i currently feel being back in montana

where snow is in the forecast and school is a thing

*my roommate wins for photograph of the year for that picture above. too good. seriously. i almost made it my profile picture on facebook.

i'm a spoiled brat on spring break in hawaii

i think it's safe to say a few things right now. first of all, that i've never experienced such luxury before. despite what they say, don't choose a roommate based on the kind of person they are. choose a roommate based on the kind of people and/or family they know (i'm only kind of kidding...). obviously i won out because my roommate is the best person i know and also has family that live in hawaii. win. second, this might just be the easiest kind of happy to feel ever but it's amazing how it suddenly makes me stop dwelling on the negative to focus on the harder kind of happy that is finding it when i'm not in hawaii. this, hawaii, is a kind of happiness that doesn't take effort but just sort of IS. you don't have to look for it, it's just kind of everywhere around you all at once stopping you in your tracks to remind you that the world is a pretty stinkin' cool place. it's bigger than you are. it's not all snow in march, tests to study for, and people that just suck. it's big and bright and happy and i think sometimes i just need to remember that even while i'm sulking in montana wishing i was somewhere else. because there are worse places in the world. far worse places. my problems are pretty minuscule  and, well, i do love montana after all. and i'm pretty much as spoiled as spoiled is right now.

and i'm not taking a second of it for granted. i have a wonderful life no matter if i'm sleeping on infinity count sheets in a guest bedroom overlooking the ocean or driving fifteen minutes to class at 8am on a monday in montana. stop complaining, self. you have no reason to complain and i just don't want to hear it anymore.

to heck with it all!

excuse me for the next nine days while i just forget about everything. every little thing.
school, last year, people getting your phone numbers in the last week and oh my heck what is that about, snapchat creepers, things that are annoying, chores, spending all of my money on gas, charles dickens and genetics, and how much money this plane ticket cost me.

because, none of it will matter! ...at least, not until april 8th. but that's okay. something tells me it'll all be okay after nine days of bliss. and even if it's not... it's nine days. of not thinking about anything.

i assure you, however, the one thing i won't forget is my cat. who i will miss my daily cuddle sessions with.

being tourists in seattle

this weekend was perfect. when i woke up this morning to snow falling outside my window in my apartment bedroom, the reality that i was back in montana hit hard. if i could relive a day in my life over and over again, saturday would be a pretty great one. waking up in a living room with my two best friends from home and sister, walking around seattle sans coat with my mom, doing every single touristy thing there was to do, eating a lot of good food, laughing constantly, and trying to navigate the city as local idahoans was priceless. and then there was meeting dillon, who also hung out with my family all day and when we were all done being tourists for the day with them, was the best dinner/breakfast/ice cream/coffee date around. so much so it took me twice as long to eat because i was talking so much and intent on listening. oh, and i also tried new food. and it was maybe one of the best meals i've ever had. it was a blast.

perfect weekend.

did i say that march was going to be great or what? so far it's off to the best start.

back from vacation

 
Our annual Redfish Lake trips are always interesting. This year included not one, but two emergency room visits; both later proven to be unnecessary because one toddler spit up the pills he swallowed and one aunt just slightly dehydrated. I ended up taking more pictures at the beginning of the vacation when the family member count was lower and while my dear little sister was still around. She left early upon being notified that she had a spot on the HS soccer team tournament team. It was the smartest idea I've ever had to bring rain boots camping because we had a solid two days of rain. So smart. Also, onesies are the best pajamas camping. You'll never get cold. I used my kindle for the first time ever on this trip and it's also the smartest tool to bring. There's nothing like an endless supply of books at your fingertips and not having to walk back and forth between camp to grab new books when you finish one. This trip I finished six books. My new swimsuit proved to be my favorite I've ever owned and buying two polka dotted tops to match my polka dotted bottoms was a brilliant choice, too. I pulled the birthday card (6 days!!) and managed to convince my parents to let us rent a tandem bike the first day we were there. We rode around the entire lake once we were able to figure out how to actually ride one (so difficult) but now I'm convinced that we need to invest in a family tandem bike. So. Much. Fun.

I'll never be able to accurately express just how much I love this lake and the memories we have there. What used to be just something we were dragged to as kids is now something I look forward to every single year. There isn't a more beautiful lake if you ask me and these pictures can't do the Sawtooth Mountains justice. You have to be there to understand their beauty. Redfish has allowed me to see my younger cousins grow up in front of my eyes; an experience that is truly invaluable. I've known the younger kids as newborns, toddlers, kindergarteners, and now 'big kids'. We used to be the little kids, but now we're the teenagers and young adults that chase the little ones around and carry them when their parents are busy cooking, walking the 200 yards to the bathroom, water skiing, and hiking. I'm not a parent, obviously, but I can't help but feel a little proud of each child as they grow into older kids knowing that I was even a small part of their life and who they're going to be. I look at my almost nine year old cousin now and can't believe that I taught him how to walk in just a week's time at Redfish and held him as a newborn baby his first trip.

I miss these mountains already.