hawaii: days three & four

i've been figuring out how to put into words everything that the last couple of days in hawaii really were. i thought i was finally stumped into silence until i realized that it wasn't that i couldn't put it into words, it's just that i didn't want to. there were some things i wanted to keep to myself, some experiences i kind of selfishly want to keep contained in the contents of my journal. i know, i know. i'm a sourpuss.

i will say that it was beautiful. i will say that standing on the cliffs of molokai on the last day and feeling small in comparison to the world and life in general was a humbling experience. one i don't think you need to go to hawaii to feel, necessarily, and one i've felt while running the trails along the clark fork river in missoula. it's liberating and wonderful. stepping outside of your routine for a moment to see the big picture of things. it's the best experience, if you're asking me.

i didn't take a second of this trip for granted and i'm counting my lucky stars i was blessed with this opportunity. i soaked it all in. i wrote in my journal every night for hours trying to write it all down. i took pictures upon pictures upon pictures. i put my phone away and just felt it all.

and even though it's been almost two weeks since we were there, i'm still finding sand in my ears and suitcase.

hawaii: days one & two

oh, hawaii.

hawaii.

hawaii.

i'm splitting my hawaii pictures into two posts for the four full days we got to spend there. 

i missed hawaii before i even left, while i was still there, and that started when i knew that as the days were unraveling i was experiencing things i would always remember. isn't that a weird thing? sometimes you don't even know a day or a moment is going to hold significant meaning and then there are times when you know without a doubt you're always going to remember what's about to happen to you. full disclaimer: i had no idea this trip was going to be anything more than just a fun vacation. but i'll elaborate on that later. 

so. days one and two.

there was hiking to a completely empty beach with tide pools to swim in and be splashed in. in fact, almost every beach we went to we got to have all for ourselves. i mean, we could have skinny dipped if we had really wanted to. 

there were milk shakes that cost $6 but were worth every stinking penny because they were the best milk shakes i've ever had in my life. 

there was car singing in the jeep driving around the island ourselves. 

there was the best bed i've ever slept in and a roommate best friend turned travel companion soul mate who knows you so well she doesn't even question when you want to go to bed at 8pm because she knows you need an hour of alone time before bed to unwind. 

there was dinner at the neighbors that was accompanied by their son's best friend who was 24 and very clearly a set up for one of us. who was also extremely hot. and nice. and holy smokes, MATURE. i don't think i knew what to do with a polite boy and i don't think my roommate knew how to look him in the eye. it's okay, i didn't really know how to do that either.

there was waikiki, which i sort of strongly disliked because it was one of those places that could have been any other place with a beach in the country. there was a coach and sephora on the beach, after all. and the sand was even imported. shame, waikiki. shame. 

there was the puddle jumper plane that fit all of 9 people that i was terrified to step aboard on but ended up being sort of a huge treat because i got the window seat facing the islands so i got a view of the area where jurassic park was filmed and see the ocean which lived up to its cliche of being just SO BLUE.

there was the prettiest house i've ever stepped foot in. and the nicest couple i've ever met who made me feel like family that i was sad to say goodbye to. and one of which was a living breathing nigel thornberry.

there was being told i had to be a tourist just arriving because i was so pale. there was feeling like a cullen because i literally reflected light. i'm from montana, okay?

there was deciding i didn't care if i really annoyed everyone on instagram by posting so many pictures at the end of every day. 

there was sort of feeling like i was cheating on my love for indonesia by falling for hawaii by day two. 

there was my roommate who could prance around the beach effortlessly and take really spectacular jumping pictures and me who got thorns in her feet three times so that they bled all over her flip flops and then looking like a flailing idiot taking jumping pictures.

it's 2am and i'm back in the lower 48 and doing homework due in 6 hours

well, hawaii. i have a lot to say about hawaii. i didn't think i would because i didn't think it was going to be a thought provoking trip but the last day sort of did me in regarding profound thoughts! ...although i may not go into them very much. we'll see, we'll see.

but anyways, back to the point. i am back! in the lower 48! and it seems insane to me that just 24 hours ago i was enjoying my last night alone in my very own bedroom with a remote control light and a tv with CABLE watching friends before passing out in the most comfortable bed i've ever slept in. it even beat the hilton mattresses, guys. nothing says, "welcome back to reality!" like homework assignments due at 8am that i haven't started although it's 2am even though i had a few very open windows of homework time in hawaii. but, like, my mind wasn't in homework mode. it was in pure exhaustion mode by the time my day at the beach/hiking/absorbing my surroundings was said and done and the only thing i could do was remain motionless either on the deck overlooking the ocean or in bed with a sunburn. like, what was i supposed to do?

...study, obviously. i should have. could have. but in reality, this is my only homework assignment due this week. and so i think pulling an all nighter after 9 days away is not a bad bargain, really.

now let me proceed with two pictures that summarize my feelings at the moment more perfectly than the 2am mumble jumble above:

how i felt being IN hawaii

how i currently feel being back in montana

where snow is in the forecast and school is a thing

*my roommate wins for photograph of the year for that picture above. too good. seriously. i almost made it my profile picture on facebook.

i'm a spoiled brat on spring break in hawaii

i think it's safe to say a few things right now. first of all, that i've never experienced such luxury before. despite what they say, don't choose a roommate based on the kind of person they are. choose a roommate based on the kind of people and/or family they know (i'm only kind of kidding...). obviously i won out because my roommate is the best person i know and also has family that live in hawaii. win. second, this might just be the easiest kind of happy to feel ever but it's amazing how it suddenly makes me stop dwelling on the negative to focus on the harder kind of happy that is finding it when i'm not in hawaii. this, hawaii, is a kind of happiness that doesn't take effort but just sort of IS. you don't have to look for it, it's just kind of everywhere around you all at once stopping you in your tracks to remind you that the world is a pretty stinkin' cool place. it's bigger than you are. it's not all snow in march, tests to study for, and people that just suck. it's big and bright and happy and i think sometimes i just need to remember that even while i'm sulking in montana wishing i was somewhere else. because there are worse places in the world. far worse places. my problems are pretty minuscule  and, well, i do love montana after all. and i'm pretty much as spoiled as spoiled is right now.

and i'm not taking a second of it for granted. i have a wonderful life no matter if i'm sleeping on infinity count sheets in a guest bedroom overlooking the ocean or driving fifteen minutes to class at 8am on a monday in montana. stop complaining, self. you have no reason to complain and i just don't want to hear it anymore.