Thursday, January 17

uh, oh.

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so it's one in the morning and i'm back home nestled into the familiar burgundy couch i will argue is the comfiest couch in the entire world (the amount of times i've fallen asleep on it during a movie after 7pm is embarrassing). i was in one of my "blah, i've done nothing for two days and if i don't do something i'm going to cry of boredom" kind of moods. but it was one in the morning and what can you do when your only friend is a cup of tazo tea but stare at the ceiling. tv was simply not an option. three days straight of twelve hour tv days can do that to a person (okay, maybe eight). so naturally i let my mind wander which is a very, very bad thing to let my mind do because it will travel to dangerous places as i'm about to explain. the mordor of dark places. and the question someone had asked me earlier in the day stuck itself in my brain, backed it into a corner, and finally forced it to answer that cruel monster of a question. take that, question.

what are you going to do with your english major now, maggie? 
to the people that have since asked, i answered with faked confidence, "become a writer! of course!" which might be true but it's safer than the actual answer i came up with at one in the morning.

and the one i came up with, finally shoving that question back into the corner it had stuck me in, I DON'T KNOW!

i have no idea! i couldn't tell you if i'm going to be a writer let alone what kind of writer i would be if that were true or what direction i will take. maybe if people keep paying me to take their pictures that's what i'll do! i do love taking pictures. maybe an internship this summer will make me realize exactly what i want to do! maybe it will prove to me what i don't want and i'll be forced to take yet another direction!

the point is? you graduate high school and you're expected to go to college and pick a major and while you aren't really expected to know exactly what you want to do someday, you're expected to come up with a vague "smart" answer. at least, that's what adults want to think when you mumble what you want to do after you enter the real world with your college degree. but for the first time, i'm happy being 20 years old and having no answer. i'm happy to own up to that and look them in their worried faces and say, "i don't know." and i'm happy that even though i don't know, it doesn't mean i'm lazy, it just means this is an opportunity to work even harder to make opportunities happen for myself and follow my gut to figure out just what i love to do. and if anything in the past two and a half years, i have learned what hard work is. i was just missing the part of the equation that was passion.

i'm figuring it out and hanging on to every cheesy quote out there and by golly, i'm going to do what i love.
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23 comments:

Carly said...

everytime i told people my major was visual journalism i got the scrunch face and, "you do know journalism is a dying field, right?" and then i would tell them that i'm minoring in classical studies and they would go, "why?"

DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
and it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing! i love that you're happy to give the, "i don't know," answer because every young person should feel that way. i feel like i was often pressured (especially when i graduated) to know what i wanted to do and to prove everyone wrong about journalism. the fact of the matter is, i loved writing, design and photography. so that is why i chose visual journalism. what would i do with it? i still don't really know! i have a vague idea, but i am doing just as you said: following my gut to figure out what i love to do.

ANYWAY, i'm preaching my own quarter life crisis here. point is: more power to you girl! you're working hard and enjoying what you're doing and just figuring it out, and that's what counts most.

becca said...

yes, yes and yes and yes. and keep on doing what you're doing.
I still have no idea what I want to do or be- but in the process of wondering, I think I'm becoming something that I like, which is rather nice.

thanks for the honesty and for being brave.

Natalie said...

Yes, I always find that when I am in one of those "I have done nothing for two days" moods, that's when I start to overthink everything about everything and start stressing out to the max as well. So, I'm glad that even though that started to happen with the dreaded question, you are confident and happy and excited for the future and whatever it may bring.

It really pisses me off that my family is always bugging my cousin who majored in English about the same thing. GIVE HIM A FREAKING BREAK, OKAY. I just want to scream at everyone to stop making that "ohh... English, huh?" face because it is the most obnoxious thing.

katherine said...

do yo thing girl, do yo thing.

Shawnee said...

THANK YOU. yes! i wholeheartedly agree. those questions are the worst - and you know that they won't like any sort of answer you give them. i'm realizing too that it's okay to not know! i mean, come on! i'm only 20! (cue high school musical): we're all in this together! haha

xo

Shawnee said...

ps thank you for the sweet blog comments, girl.

Savannah Bradley said...

"I don't know what I'm doing and it's the not knowing that makes it interesting." - Phillip Glass

Words of encouragement :)

Jessica said...

I had no idea what I wanted to do career-wise when I was in college. A lot of people don't! My high school careers teacher used to tell us that the average person changes careers like 3 times or something...nothing is set in stone. Just do what makes you happy and you will figure it out! Have faith in yourself--don't let others fill you with doubts!

Lizzie said...

My brother first intended to major in Journalism, then English, and he eventually ended up Sociology. But only after scoring a national paid online blogging job because he was writing well and PUTTING HIMSELF OUT THERE. He will probably be hired full time and his employer doesn't care what he majored in because he writes well and works hard.

So there's not just hope you'll get a job, there's proof it happens.

Brissa said...

I'm graduated and working and I STILL don't know what I'm going to do with my life. that's half the fun and stress and life of being a" grown up." do what you love and screw everyone who tells you you can't do something.

Sara, Swing The Day Away said...

I graduated high school deciding that I'd go to college for creative writing. Once I decided that that wasn't really too practical a thing to have a degree in, I switched colleges and switched my major to psychology. A bachelors degree in psychology later, and I decided that this too is not for me. Now I am trying to go to grad school for library science. Sometimes some people question if it's a dying profession because of technology...but the program is more than just books. It's about information technology...which is basically what the whole world functions off of today! Mostly people look at me when I say I want to be a librarian and say "I can totally see that"...and it makes me happy. :) Point of this whole rambling is...sometimes it takes a while to figure out what will make you happy...but it's definitely worth the journey and hardships!

Meg! said...

I think you've got it pretty much figured out, so far! You're enjoying life for the moment and leaving it up to... well, you're playing it by ear. And that's awesome. It's not worth worrying about, you're like 20! I wish I was 20 again! No I don't at all. But when I was 20 I had NO idea wtf was going on and I think I was majoring in teaching. :|

Laura said...

I'm feeling the same pressure that you are. People look at you when you say, oh I'm going to be a social worker as if you are completely cray cray. But, I have realized that sometimes we get chances to do things that we never expected, and they might not have to do directly with our major. You'll figure it out, hon! Don't worry.

xoxo,
Laura
http://lauraisthriftingthroughlife.blogspot.com/

jenna.kincaid said...

I just found you by way of brooke. i love your posts! The video you posted yesterday was just the greatest thing. i'm from pullman so i thought i'd say hello to my neighboring idahoan!

Abbey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abbey said...

This is such a relevant post! haha do not even worry about it for one second! I just graduated last month and am working a part time job while I await my first "real" job. But I already know it won't be what I want to do with the rest of my life. And the truth is most people change their jobs (like their majors) like 5 or more times in their life... so there really is no pressure, except to make some money. haha. I, too, was in the position of an unhappy major and switched to a happy major (even if it wasn't as profitable). But I am so much happier than I would be if I stuck it out in my old major. And I believe you will be too! Enjoy your last couple years of school time, it will go fast! :)

Jess said...

Bah, I love your genuineness and honesty. It makes me feel like all of the seemingly negative things I do like watch hours of TV and sit home for hours are okay because you do them also.

I think a lot of times not knowing that you want to do is incredibly scary, but its also exciting because it means that the possibilities are freaking endless. I guess you just have to look at it that way. You can literally do what ever you want. And is scary, but so awesome at the same time. And like you said - you are not lazy. So I know that you will do something incredible! (:

▲my• said...

You rock.

I was commenting on something of Dillon's the other day, and it was about doing what you love/are talented at. JUST DO IT. It doesn't matter what the rest of the world wants you to do with your major. YOU LOVE IT.

chloee said...

YOUR HAIR AND YOUR SHIRT. i am obsessed with both! you are so adorable! xo

Autumn said...

A lot of people are really discouraging about majors, but I feel like you can't get a job in any field without networking now.

My only suggestion is regardless of what you do make sure you start interning or dabbling in different options before you graduate. It doesn't mean you have to have things figured out, but you at least have an idea of what you do and don't like.

Hannah said...

When people ask, you should just start telling them "it's a surprise!". haha No, but really, just keep doing what you're doing because you like it. You're only 20! Opportunities may arise, interests may change, why in the world should you have it all figured out now?

I remember when I was 18, just graduated high school, and my church had all the seniors stand on stage and say what their after HS plans were. Talk about pressure! Out of the 6 of us up there, everyone had some long winded college/major/job lined up and then I said, well.. nothing. My youth pastor (who was super awesome) said "You're not doing nothing. Your plans are just still being made." 4 years later and I still would say the exact same answer, but I was grateful he stood up for me like that, and hey, maybe my plans are still being made!

Keep on keeping on! :)

Faith said...

I love this! I just graduated with an anthropology major and people keep asking me what I want to do. I've given up saying I don't know because people don't understand that I just want to wait and see what happens. I don't want to come up with a super specific career because I might completely ignore certain AMAZING opportunities that could come my way. It's good to keep an open mind man.

Sarah said...

I'm 31 and still don't know!


Sarah


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