It isn't the missing and it isn't the not seeing. I can drown myself in homework and when there isn't any left, I can surround myself with people. It isn't even the days and weeks apart and the mere two days out of thirty in the same place. It's when you don't want words and you don't want conversation. It's when you don't want to talk and talking suddenly becomes worse than not talking. It's when there aren't words to say and nothing that can be said to made better. It's when it isn't that you need it but want so badly just the comfort of someone next to you and can hear beyond just their words that they care.
dress: Urban Outfitters scarf: H&M belt: F21 tights: Urban Outfitters boots: Urban og
When it comes down to it, just being able to talk is always enough. It always is. I'm lucky. I have everything. I love having him to miss and love being someone to be missed. But the energy of doing so sometimes gets to be too much. It's strange being in a new place. It's strange being surrounded all day long and all night long and all weekend long by people you've only known for seven months; people that are your best friends but best friends in the way that the people at home who've known you your entire life aren't. It's a good thing when you want to surround yourself only by the people that you want to surround yourself by in a way you aren't allowed in a small town where friends become inherent over the years and it's a bad thing when you want someone to understand how you miss the way you used to watch your sister draw in the living room on Sunday's watching Gilmore Girls with your dad or missing the sound of the garage door close at 6:45AM waking you up hours before you want to because your mom is going running. It's a bad thing when you just want someone who knows you to tell you everything is actually okay and they mean it because they know you.
I'm desperately hoping these are some of my last winter shots because I literally can't stand clouds in the sky or snow anymore. When I walked to the cafeteria today in only a sweatshirt and yoga pants, I was skipping with joy. Alas, it's only March and it was still snowing in April last year, so it will probably be short lived. But every ray of sunshine lightens the load and I'm going to take out my spring floral scarves anyways! This is one of my all time favorite scarves. I got it impulsively last year in Seattle and I've found that it is irreplaceable in my closet. I wear it at least two times a week and it so easily goes with everything in my closet. Everything. It's funny how those little things you decide to buy as you're leaving the store and aren't quite sure of become the bigger components in your closet than the things you latch onto immediately in the store.
On my "Winter" list I wanted a black open back dress but sadly, it took until now to wear it. I love the open back. Walking around in this outfit I felt the sort of 'cool' factor that is usually unattainable (it's usually a "I feel awkward because I'm the only person in the school wearing a dress or rights" factor). I really need some new black patterned tights! These were my first pair but they have so many rips in them. Sigh. I love them too much.
I'm crossing my fingers I get to spend 48 precious hours with my family and my family alone next weekend. I miss them unbearably.