Monday, March 7

i hate this part

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It isn't the missing and it isn't the not seeing. I can drown myself in homework and when there isn't any left, I can surround myself with people. It isn't even the days and weeks apart and the mere two days out of thirty in the same place. It's when you don't want words and you don't want conversation. It's when you don't want to talk and talking suddenly becomes worse than not talking. It's when there aren't words to say and nothing that can be said to made better. It's when it isn't that you need it but want so badly just the comfort of someone next to you and can hear beyond just their words that they care.
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dress: Urban Outfitters scarf: H&M belt: F21 tights: Urban Outfitters boots: Urban og

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When it comes down to it, just being able to talk is always enough. It always is. I'm lucky. I have everything. I love having him to miss and love being someone to be missed. But the energy of doing so sometimes gets to be too much. It's strange being in a new place. It's strange being surrounded all day long and all night long and all weekend long by people you've only known for seven months; people that are your best friends but best friends in the way that the people at home who've known you your entire life aren't. It's a good thing when you want to surround yourself only by the people that you want to surround yourself by in a way you aren't allowed in a small town where friends become inherent over the years and it's a bad thing when you want someone to understand how you miss the way you used to watch your sister draw in the living room on Sunday's watching Gilmore Girls with your dad or missing the sound of the garage door close at 6:45AM waking you up hours before you want to because your mom is going running. It's a bad thing when you just want someone who knows you to tell you everything is actually okay and they mean it because they know you.
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I'm desperately hoping these are some of my last winter shots because I literally can't stand clouds in the sky or snow anymore. When I walked to the cafeteria today in only a sweatshirt and yoga pants, I was skipping with joy. Alas, it's only March and it was still snowing in April last year, so it will probably be short lived. But every ray of sunshine lightens the load and I'm going to take out my spring floral scarves anyways! This is one of my all time favorite scarves. I got it impulsively last year in Seattle and I've found that it is irreplaceable in my closet. I wear it at least two times a week and it so easily goes with everything in my closet. Everything. It's funny how those little things you decide to buy as you're leaving the store and aren't quite sure of become the bigger components in your closet than the things you latch onto immediately in the store.
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On my "Winter" list I wanted a black open back dress but sadly, it took until now to wear it. I love the open back. Walking around in this outfit I felt the sort of 'cool' factor that is usually unattainable (it's usually a "I feel awkward because I'm the only person in the school wearing a dress or rights" factor). I really need some new black patterned tights! These were my first pair but they have so many rips in them. Sigh. I love them too much.
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I'm crossing my fingers I get to spend 48 precious hours with my family and my family alone next weekend. I miss them unbearably.
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36 comments:

Rachelous said...

This was beautifully written, I totally know where you're coming- sometimes friends you've only know for a matter of months just don't understand you wholely. I miss little sounds and smells as well (my mum lives in France now). I do hope you get to spend the weekend just with your fam.
ps: your scarf is wonderful as are your tights!
xx

Rachel said...

Such a lovely post...it's too bad that you're feeling so down! I hope things get better for you soon. :D

Steffy's Pro's and Con's said...

love the tights and the dress. don't be sad, just think about all of the happy things, even if they are really little, and tune out the negative thoughts!

<3 steffy
steffysprosandcons.blogspot.com

Lemondrop Marie said...

I am really good at being homesick! So I understand the missing someone blues. Hope time goes fast for you.
Marie @ Lemondrop ViNtAge

Natalie said...

This was such an incredible post! I can't say I know what it feels like to be off living so far away from home and everything and everyone familiar to me just yet, but that time is quickly approaching. And I know it's not going to be easy, so I take comfort in the fact that people like you are experiencing it and missing things but still being strong at the same time. Did that make any sense? Basically I want to give you a hug and tell you that I think I understand and also that I really love your scarf. :)

blorange dice said...

yay, cutie patootie! what a perfect black dress

Amber Rose, Laughing With Broken Eyes said...

Darling blogger twin,

I simply adore you. I've been worrying about what you've expressed so perfectly in this post.. While I'm not "away" yet, I am moving in a matter of days (you'll read all about it in "THE LETTER") but I find such comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in this, and I dearly hope that you do, too.

You are such a kind and beautiful soul that I have no doubt that, even if you are feeling alone, there are so many people everywhere that you mean the world to and that you keep from THEM from feeling alone.

You are beautiful
and you are loved.

xoxo,
Amber

kate maggie said...

So much goodness in this outfit! I love the tights, and your scarf, and that gorgeous leopard belt! Eeep. You look lovely girl..I love this dress on you! Stunner. xoxo

Hannah said...

Oh Maggie I hope you get the time you need with your loved ones soon.

I know I need it too. I honestly haven't seen my dad in 2 1/2 months. ANd I can't imagine I'll get the chance to see him soon either. It stinks. I don't even get spring break off. I have to work.

Becky said...

I know it's hard girl when you miss your family and when you miss your boyfriend.
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship as well, and some days are just unbearable for how much I miss him. But when you are able to see them, it does make those moments even more special, as sappy as it sounds.
But hang in there girl! We are all here to support you until you're able to see your family and Niklaas. :)

P.S. I love this outfit. The open back dress is definitely "cool" and I can totally see how that scarf would go with everything! :)

Marissa said...

I'm so glad we both feel exactly the same way! I may have best friends here, but they aren't the same. in College, relationships tend to be on fast forward since you're together so much, but they don't have the deep history from home. i'm always missing one or the other, depending on where i am.

Abbey said...

I loooove this outfit! You look so great, Maggey! Hang in there, girl. The winter blues are coming to a close. :) If all else fails, and there's no more school-work to do, fall into a book. That's my favorite thing to do when I'm feeling down.

Renée said...

I love that dress and the scarf!!

Erin and Caroline said...

I love this outfit. It's so darling. I especially love the tights and the floral scarf. Beautiful combination. =)

And have fun with your family! Make it the best 48 hours. =)
-Erin (http://keepcalmandstyleon.blogspot.com)

Tanvi said...

I hope your spirits are back up again soon!!! Sending you lots of warmth and sunshine :) Cute outfit as always ... That colourful scarf and amazing :)

Tanvi
from © tanvii.com

Kuleigh said...

:( I hope you cheer up! I did two years of long distance. Once I went two months without seeing my boyfriend because I worked every weekend. It's really hard but it's definitely good to keep open the lines of communication. Skype is great! I like the way you wore your scarf through your belt. This outfit is so cute!

Liza said...

I love the dark colors with the pop of color from the scarf. The tights are perhaps my favorite part.

xL

Amber Blue Bird said...

being homesick is hard but you will get to spend time with them soon enough. I hope that winter leaves soon too...cloudy skies and snow are making me sick

elanor, said...

i love your dress and outfit, sweetie. you look beautiful. :) and as for your post, i can't say i know exactly how you feel, as i haven't been away from home really ever (yet), but everything will work out in the end, because that is what happens. and you're strong! you have such a positive attitude that i admire.

X

haze said...

you look so adorable, babe!♥

Alex said...

I love your writing. I just do. Everything you say makes complete sense and I feel like I'm right there with you. It's beautiful.

And that dress! My God! I wish I could have one that resembles that one. I'm actually planning on wearing the dress you sent me soon because the weather here is crazy. 80 freaking F! 80. Goooooooooooooooooosh hahahahaha, so enjoy your last cold days because I already miss mine :p

Laura said...

i love what you wrote, i really can relate to this.
gorgeous dress and scarf! you look lovely like always!!

-laura
http://thesemanyyears.blogspot.com

~Abby~ said...

Maggie dearest, I know it must be hard in a strange place with strange people, but you're strong. You can do it. I think you need a break and some warm weather to cheer you up! :)

xx,
~Abby~

Elizabeth said...

:) It has been a long time since I've had those feelings, but I remember them very vividly. To be young and passionately emotive is a wonderful thing.

Also, that scarf is too lovely. I completely understand why it has become a wardrobe staple for you. I would want to wear it on the daily as well. Especially now, when I'm feeling as though the weight of winter is becoming increasingly unbearable and will crush me at any moment...

exoh,
Elizabeth

hi, my name is aleksandra said...

I luv that look! You've got my favourite lace tights.
Amazing<3

Kirstin Marie said...

I completely understand how you are feeling. I felt the exact same way a few years ago. It is definitely difficult being away. I hope you get to spend some time with your family.

On a side note, you look lovely in your photos.

lady sélénite said...

lovely outfit !
http://selenite.weebly.com/

Catherine said...

You are too lovely! I love the way you're wearing that scarf... I've been wanting to try that, but I skimp on scarves, it seems.

Honestly, what you wrote about is probably what scares me most about the upcoming year - and college. Of course, I'm still unsure where I'm going, but I applied to schools in quite a few geographic areas, so there's a chance I won't be anywhere near home next year. I know everyone says you meet your lifelong friends in college, but I'm sort of skeptical about that because there's not as much of a foundation there. Sometimes people just click, but I tend to be the type of person that gets along with anyone but doesn't get close. And even if I deny it, I need that closeness, you know? Though there's always the chance that what I'll miss most about home is seeing my wonderful pets and the comfort of my own bathroom...

xox

Les Deux Filles said...

This post is very touching. I am so glad to been able to read this. My dad is going back to WA after a week with us after over 6 months of not seeing each other...I'm going to miss him terribly :( Oh well, it's not the first time...

Your dress is so lovely! I love open back dresses, but I usually shy a little from showing skin.

Margaret
http://myvisionsfugitives.tumblr.com/

Mila said...

Great post,love your blog.

Reg Rodriguez said...

very beautifully written, i almost felt a pang in my heart as if it was something i was going through. i hope you enjoy the weekend with your family! that scarf is really pretty :)

xx
heyrocketgirl

Julie Iliana said...

while I can't relate in any sense to what you wrote, I do wish and hope that you feel better soon ♥ this is probably not a good thing to say or what you would like to hear, but you made me realize that I should take advantage of the time I have with my family. do more things together, say "I love you" more often, laugh and joke, etc. thanks for that! I send you many cyber hugs! and although I'm a new follower, there's always that instant connection between bloggers (at least I think so haha) so I'm, and all these lovely people who have commented thus far, are here for you!

PS- I love how you've designed that scarf around your dress :)
XX

EevvaStyle said...

great look!

mei lan said...

Hey girl.. I hope you're doing fine over there! Since you wrote everything out, have you felt better? I hope so! =)
Love your outfit! You rock this dress, scarf and of course, your floral tights!
Take care!
p.s I updated my blog. Your opinion? Thank you! =)

Lisa, Suburban Heart said...

What a lovely post. I can honestly say that I know this feeling all too well, but in completely different situations. You'll over come this feeling and it may come back, but at least you know you are loved and there are people at home missing you just as much.

On another note, I am totally ready for winter to be over. Your scarf is very pretty and invoking spring! I also have that belt and in green too!

Hannah said...

Your feelings are completely understandable and I'm positive that the same people you miss are missing you just as much. Just think.. Summer is coming up so fast and you can be home and get back into a "normal" routine.

As a major lover of all scarves, I can safely say yours is freakin' adorable! On many of my off days I will wear all black then throw on one my most colorful scarves, much like you styled your outfit.

I hope you enjoy every second of your time with your family and friends! :)