Here's where I admit that I have actually been seeing a boy for a couple months and while you probably figured that part out, I left out the part about seeing him nearly every day and sort of temporarily putting all of my hobbies on hold. I guess I'm that girl. And I'm fine with it? At first I was uncomfortable by the incessant need I felt to hang out with him so frequently because I told myself at the beginning I would "twice a week, at most". But after talking to a few friends and rethinking the whole thing I decided I didn't care. I decided to roll with it. I decided to hang out with him every night that I wanted to, even if it meant an episode of New Girl at 11:30pm when I was done with homework. I decided that every reason I had to sort of shy away from spending so much time with someone was related to my own issues and insecurities. Giving too much of myself and my time again so freely is scary. It's scary when in the past caring about someone too much came back to bite me hard. Caring about someone more than they cared about me is not an experience I want to relive. But that's sort of what this whole silly dating thing is about, right? Giving it another go, over and over again until it's "right" in the end?
But whatever this is going to be or what it will be is not what I'm concerned about, and that's truly the most exciting feeling for another person I've felt in the long time I've spent single. Being relaxed about the future, not over thinking anything, and not constantly wondering whether "he likes me back" - those feel like adult feelings. They feel like progress. They feel like a natural and mature beginning to something. Hanging out with someone because I can talk to them until 5am, and that's not an exaggeration, feels easy and like it speaks for itself. I feel comfortable with the relationship but even better, I feel comfortable with myself in it. No matter where it'll go or how long it'll last, I am happy with the beginning of everything and that says more about how much I've grown in the past couple years than anything. I don't need to hang out with him every day, I just want to. That difference means everything.