Saturday, November 2

over thinking is BAD, I repeat, it's BAD.

Here's where I admit that I haven't logged into blogger or even read a single blog since Wednesday.

Here's where I admit that I have actually been seeing a boy for a couple months and while you probably figured that part out, I left out the part about seeing him nearly every day and sort of temporarily putting all of my hobbies on hold. I guess I'm that girl. And I'm fine with it? At first I was uncomfortable by the incessant need I felt to hang out with him so frequently because I told myself at the beginning I would "twice a week, at most". But after talking to a few friends and rethinking the whole thing I decided I didn't care. I decided to roll with it. I decided to hang out with him every night that I wanted to, even if it meant an episode of New Girl at 11:30pm when I was done with homework. I decided that every reason I had to sort of shy away from spending so much time with someone was related to my own issues and insecurities. Giving too much of myself and my time again so freely is scary. It's scary when in the past caring about someone too much came back to bite me hard. Caring about someone more than they cared about me is not an experience I want to relive. But that's sort of what this whole silly dating thing is about, right? Giving it another go, over and over again until it's "right" in the end?

But whatever this is going to be or what it will be is not what I'm concerned about, and that's truly the most exciting feeling for another person I've felt in the long time I've spent single. Being relaxed about the future, not over thinking anything, and not constantly wondering whether "he likes me back" - those feel like adult feelings. They feel like progress. They feel like a natural and mature beginning to something. Hanging out with someone because I can talk to them until 5am, and that's not an exaggeration, feels easy and like it speaks for itself. I feel comfortable with the relationship but even better, I feel comfortable with myself in it. No matter where it'll go or how long it'll last, I am happy with the beginning of everything and that says more about how much I've grown in the past couple years than anything. I don't need to hang out with him every day, I just want to. That difference means everything. 


Paige said...

Your blog posts always are so beautiful, you have a lovely way of writing. Such a true post aswell and very relate-able! Hope everything works out for you pretty! x

Brissa said...

Look at you go. Public and not caring or ANYTHING! You get all of today's good feels.

Ebony said...

Overthinking ruins everything? Amen sistah!
Underthinking can suck too but #YOLO. We are young once. I say we live it up :) You go girl! So happy for you!

Cody Doll said...

Completely get that. I felt the same feeling with my bf. I hope everything works out, if not then I hope you grow. =]

Emma Jane said...

This is so perfect for today. I am so so happy that you are happy! It is a long process to get so comfortable with yourself that you are comfortable letting yourself fall again, or even trying again with a boy. I'm at a place right now where I want to be alone. I'm done trying for a hot second and I'm so excited to be starting out on my long road of singlehood. It's been a while since I've been by myself, even though I've been single for a few months. But I was letting my brain and letting my jerk ex ruin my alone time. And now I'm ready to be me again and let myself be open and free and adult. WHAT?!

So happy you shared this today. You rule.

Tightrope to the Sun

Naddy said...

It's just how women are, we over think things and we all just have to find our own way to realize that over thinking bring us nothing but distress and anxiety.

I'm glad you found a way to stop and avoid it, and also glad that you're happy! ^^,

Keep it up!

Interested in ALL

Mary said...

I'm really happy for you, girl.

becca said...

well I can't wait to meet him!

no but really, you have matured a ton and those thoughts are good thoughts and I'm excited for you in this process! and if you would rather live life than write on the blog for a while, don't for a second hesitate.

Jennifer said...

I know a few things about stress and overthinking. Good for you, just spending time in the moment and enjoying yourself with someone. :)

Z said...

Wow, is it weird if i steal this and want to show it to my boyfriend of two months? Cause I feel the EXACT same way and I never know how to put it into words. I did the same thing with seeing each other - like, why bother? If you want to see each other all the time, do it! If you're "sick of them" seeing them five times a week instead of two, whatever, scale it back, but otherwise, enjoy their company...right?

HeaRow said...

I think it is fair to say that Kylee aka Little Girl in a Big World, would enjoy this post. She misses you and so many of her favorite blog reads. I hope you don't mind my sending her an excerpt now and then... better yet - send her a letter. She would LOVE hearing from you!