She asked me three questions:
(1) is he nice?
(2) are you excited to hang out with him?
(3) do you think he is attractive?
The answer to all three, of course, was a resounding YES! All of the above were true. Zero hesitation. My mom is a smart lady. She told me to relax and that like usual, I was putting unnecessary pressures on myself to overanalyze a situation that didn't need analyzing at all. Her last words were, "Just roll with it."
Just roll with it.
The funny thing about life is that a few years ago, the start of any relationship/dateship I had was the result of wanting to jump a guy's bones because they liked the same band I did or liked to watch scary movies. There was a high level of desperation and urgency to be with that person and be with them now. In fact, I don't think I ever really became true "friends" with anyone I dated until we were already "a thing". I've never dated someone who was my friend first and I've never gone through the stages of getting to know someone as a friend first. It's almost feels, like, partially grown up or something to start from scratch with someone new like this who I'm just starting to get to know. I don't know how to just roll with it because I never have. I've only just pushed for things to happen and fallen asleep listening to Taylor Swift song willing them to happen. There is a lot I don't know how to do yet - I don't know how many dates you go on before you're exclusive, I don't know how long it takes until you should have the define the relationship talk, and I don't know when or if there's a moment where you just know or if it's supposed to be a gradual thing that develops. Or maybe it's a little of both?
It's different this time, though. Despite all of the things I've learned, I still struggle with just letting time do its thing and sort out what everything means. I'm impatient. My mom reminded me of the things about myself that hold me back, including that impatience. She was right. I'm excited about the possibility of something- end of the story. Different is good. Different is the result of learning about what I don't want over the years.
6 comments:
It's so important to get an outsider perspective. I am always overthinking and overanalyzing. It helps for people to tell you that you need to chill out. haha. Yay for different! Can't wait to see what different brings you!
ahhhhhhhhh!
love this. thanks mom for being so wise and mellow.
and yay for you, mags. this is a lot of learning, and the thing is, it is different every time. I think relationship books are the silliest thing, because each relationship (or "talkship) is as different as every person is different. know what I mean? so just roll with it. know yourself, and if it's worth it and if it goes on for a while, know him too. know him really well. that's about it.
and good luck!
Mothers seem to always know what to say :) yay for different and new for you ! Funny - I was just thinking this week how different it is to get to know someone without any background knowledge and I quite like it. I've refrained from asking mutual friends their thoughts because I want to decide for myself you know? Very new for me too. It's fun. To get to be kinda friends first, too.
mmmmm yeah, savor it. it's a fun time.
i am just so excited about this!!!! it really is a whole different ball game when you start a relationship as friends, and then work from there. i for one am a fan of it, but i am also impatient. you really do just have to "roll with it". roll with the time. this post made me so happy and giddy... so yeah, the end!
This is adorable. The moment before the relationship gets incredibly serious are the best parts of a relationship. To quote one of my favorite parts of a book "It felt silly and fragile and good." It sucks not knowing when exclusivity begins but that build up is the best feeling. I wish you so much luck in all of these romantical/friendshippy endeavors.
Em
Tightrope to the Sun
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