black star

Let's be perfectly honest about something. Most of the time, and by that I mean, all the time, I ask myself why I'm doing what I'm doing if what I want to do is the very opposite of what I'm working towards. I get to the point when I'm frustrated beyond words and I just want to be doing something I love, not something I can't understand. I think we're all kind of in the same boat at one time in our young lives. We all know what we want to do, or rather we know what we don't want to do, but how many of us are actually doing that single thing that we know would make us happiest? When I decided to get my pre-med undergraduate degree, I did it for one reason: because it was the most difficult major on our campus. And I guess, in the back of my mind I thought that if I could graduate with a degree that to me seems impossible to finish, I could do anything. I could get into journalism school and move to New York. I could go to Med school, graduate, and then go to journalism school and write. It's days like yesterday and today that I have to remind myself over and over again that some day, it'll all pay off. Struggling to understand something that my friend can explain in a single sentence. Spending 36 hours to study for some way. Wanting to cry because every other person has every night of the week to watch movies when I'm buried in books every single night. But somehow, in some way, I just know it will pay off. I like to think we're all on some sort of path to get where we are supposed to be and while I can't explain it, I can't help but feel like doing what I'm doing right now is what I'm supposed to be doing even if I despise it. I guess, in retrospect, I'm not dawdling with time, I'm doing something and it will help me in wherever I decide to go with it.


I don't really know what made me feel the need to spew out all of this, but I guess it has a lot to do with my first year of college coming to an end and registering for more classes I'm destined to struggle in and just a general sense of seeing the next three years very definitely laid out for me. But, I have faith that everything will work out and I just know I'm doing the right thing. Killing myself to graduate with a Biology Pre-Med degree. Yes. It's going to be my mantra for the rest of college. "I can do it, I can do it!" Heh!

I knew when I took these pictures that I had to post them as soon as possible because the cold is actually going away and it's only for so much longer that I can pull off my big huge cardigans. I'll be honest, again, and admit that it was only after I saw Tieka and Kate with their Urban Popcorn Bycorpus sweaters that I had to get one. And I got two. And they're the best things EVER. I live in them. Seriously, Kate and Tieka speak the truth. I don't take them off. Niklaas was slightly disgusted over spring break, I'm sure, and probably doesn't think I wear anything but these sweaters.


When we decided to drive to Lewiston to take these pictures, I held up outfits for Niklaas to decide between, and this is what he chose. I loved layering this sweater over this dress! I'm so short that the sweaters alone could be dresses- it's crazy. I threw on a bow and grabbed my cowboy boots and was out the door. I love how these pictures turned out. Seriously, I wish Niklaas were around all the time so we could take advantage of the seriously beautiful scenery around our little home-town. Idaho and Montana are truly gorgeous states and one we reunite for good, you'll be seeing a lot more mountains and pretty things!

dress-Forever21 sweater-Urban Outfitters boots-Charolette Russe headband-Forever21

Okay. I need to crawl into bed..like ten minutes ago. Make that twenty. Curse you late night Thursdays! Noteable achievements this week: getting an A on my archaeology test I barely studied for and starting a project proposal worth a quarter of our grade ten minutes before class started and getting full credit. That's procrastination right there (and so not me). I hope to never butt heads with you again, procrastination.