It's kind of insane to me to think that these are the moments that I'm going to hold onto for the rest of my life. This. Right here. Everything that happens to me day to day, the good, the bad, and the ugly, is being cemented into my brain like words on a gravestone. I'm never going to be able to relive these last few days of high school. I'm never going to be able to go back to yesterday, the day before that, or the day before that. This is it. My memories are becoming solidified.
It's kind of exhilarating too. To think I'm ALWAYS going to remember holding a teensy tiny baby turtle in the palm of my hand for the very first time in Mexico and the first time I took a trip on my own without parental supervision. I'm always going to remember watching Ellen every single day after school with my one and only baby sister who herself is growing up and isn't so little anymore. I'm always going to remember stepping foot onto my future dream campus and instantly clicking with a future professor feeling completely at home. I'm always going to remember bombing my SAT's but achieving all I worked for in high school to have the grades to award me scholarships beyond my expectations. I'm always going to remember my first time trying Thai food and hosting the kindest foreign exchange student alive. I'm always going to remember the first time I completely failed a test...and another in succession. Ouch. I'm always going to remember what it felt like to give up completely on someone and on an entire concept together and when I least expected it, feel life breathe into my soul again.
When I'm 95 and looking back on my life and being 17, I'll remember that it was he who kissed me very first.
And that it was these last few months that made me realize, magic is everywhere. It's a part of every breathing, non-breathing thing surrounding you and it's up to you to make your life the fairytale you want it to be. Fairytales exist. You're in charge of your happiness. Living and existing are not the same thing- and simply existing is depriving yourself of what you deserve.
I don't mean to be mushy. I mean to be..... happy. Content. And I want everyone to be able to feel like they have reasons to smile and take in all the good that is in the world. Trust me, I am not unfamiliar with the bad, but it's embracing everything together and finding the "happiness" in every little thing that I think counts. Adding up all the little things that mean more than the horrors.
I love being here. I love living. Not because of any single person or because of any single reason. Because it's all we are truly given. Nothing else is for certain except for the air we breathe. And I aim to make them count.
things I find beautiful:
(i need to replicate this NOWWW)
wish me luck on the worst day ever tomorrow. calculus final!!!! AHHHH.
P.S. I checked my blog today to see not 50, but 51 followers!!!! eeee! It put a huge smile on my face! giveaway soon! Thank you thank you thank you! I'm hopping up and down!