you and i (our story!!)

The story of how my darling and I came to be.

Be prepared: this is mildly lengthly and picture packed.

(but it's also romantic-comedy worthy- so, I promise, you won't be disappointed)

october: In finding a "beginning" to our story, I realized....it really all began months before any thought of being with him entered my mind. Last October of 2009, at the last second, I decided after much thought to participate on the annual Turtle Trip volunteer trip with the Environmental Club at my High School to Mexico. Around October, I was kind of in a bad place. I was struggling with virtually everything and most especially soccer. You all know me pretty well and know that I am a “happy” person so to speak, but I was literally sobbing as I walked off the field the end of every single game and before I went to bed each night. I was afraid that missing soccer would worsen my situation...but I desperately needed a change. And the turtle trip was it. It changed everything. It was here that I met him. Or at least, talked to him for the first time in my life. Growing up in our teensy town, we have always known OF each other...but we definitely weren't friends nor even acquaintances. To be perfectly honest, I was really intimidated by him and his "hipster" motif. He just seemed like he would be too "cool" and interesting in his flannel and vans to take the time to talk to little innocent old me. Not that I'm not interesting nor "cool", but we weren't from the same crowd. At all. However, over the trip, we became pretty good friends. I sat by him on the plane and we laughed the whole time. I fell asleep on his shoulder (the first of many times to come) and it was blissful. We became travel buddies. A few times we got partnered during the night shifts and stayed up till 3 or 6am watching the turtles and talking in the sand with the Mexican moonlight reflecting of the ocean. It was easy to talk to him and I thought he was one of the funniest kids I had ever met. Everything about him was so interesting.For the first time since school started, I wasn't being torn down emotionally day after day. I was laughing. I know you are all thinking "aww, romantic!", but truly, it was nothing like that. Not yet! I had my eyes on this other guy I was infatuated with.... and.. *take a deep breath* Niklaas had a serious girlfriend Yep. It wasn't on the radar. After the turtle trip, not a whole lot happened. We texted occasionally. We talked during Environmental Club meetings. But for the most part, he was sort of in the back of my mind as the cool kid I met in Mexico that I thought was adorable, but due to his unavailability and my infatuation with previous boy, we would never move beyond the temporary really good friend status we had in Mexico.

november-december: Before leaving for Mexico, we were all told that the opportunity to host the Mexican students we would be meeting in Tomatlan would be presented in the winter after our return. Well. We got back from Mexico the first week of October and for the next couple months, the idea jumped around the Environmental Club. I toyed with the idea in my head over the months and signed up tentatively in November to host a student. It was in December that the guy I had been infatuated with kind of...stomped on my heart. It was a major “ouch”. I learned from an early age that I can only depend on myself for happiness...but this had me down for these couple months. It's so hard seeing someone you knew become something else. I was just....sad.

january-february: By the end of November, I had to commit to taking on an exchange student and I wasn't sure I wanted someone else in the house especially given that I seemed to be perpetually snappy around the house. I've rewritten this section of the story several times trying to pinpoint what exactly it was that made me decide to host...and in all honesty, I can't. Part of it was the fact that he was definitely hosting and the chance to become better friends seemed like a shining opportunity. Yet, part of the decision was the fact that I had nothing better to do. The Mexican exchange students are truly what made US happen. The students arrived and right off the bat, everyone was thrown together just like in Mexico. The night they arrived, Niklaas came over for dinner and we took the five students to the basketball game. Afterward, we came back to my house and played video games with them. The next day, we spent literally all day together as we had a Martin Luther King JR Human Rights breakfast we were required to attend. And, that night, we watched movies with the students. The next day, we went to a pool at one of the host student's family's house and spent the entire Sunday together. And for the next six weeks, we were inseparable exactly like this . We were together, together, together, every single night and allllll day long every single day for 6 weeks. SIX weeks. I'm not exaggerating. We took the Mexicans skiing not once, but three times. We went ice skating. We went bowling. We went swing dancing. We watched endless hours of movies with subtitles. We made smores. We took them to Pizza Hut. But mostly, I laughed genuinely. And my mind slowly drifted from the pain of December to the joy of the present. I can say with assertion that it was February 8th that I woke up without a twinge of guilt nor sadness in my heart. I had all these new people in my life and I was too busy to focus on missing someone who wasn't there anymore. I was having a blast and loved becoming best friends with him. And on February 8^th, when I stopped for just a second and waited for the feeling of “missing” to hit, I realized, it was gone. I felt nothing. I felt free. And he was a part of that.

March (longest month!!): it was in February after spending all day together at my old elementry school that I realized...”oh shit, he has a girlfriend, and I definitely sort of have a crush on this kid.” She had been gone that whole school year on an exchange and based on what I had heard and understood, their long distance relationship was flawless. However, in the previous two months, I had spent more time with him than anyone I ever had in my life. And we were texting nonstop every single day until bed. The time we spent talking/together was absolutely astronomical and ridiculous. I felt like this had to mean something. As the days wore on, it became more difficult. There were days when I accepted the fact that we would never be, that he was hers and she his. Besides, being his friend was what mattered anyways. I wasn't cut out for the gore of relationships. Then there were the days when it absolutely stung because we fit so well. And by that I mean, we spent hours upon hours day after day together without ever running out of things to say nor getting the slightest bit bored. He was the one person I had met who was as enthusiastic about “adventures” like I was. Who thought thrifting and driving around backroads all afternoon finding hidden lakes was exciting! These were the days when I wanted to scream at him. When I watched the “You Belong With Me” music video and hoped without any real hope that someday, I could be the nerdy Taylor and get the guy in the end at my senior prom. It was an interesting thing. The more we hung out, the closer we got (just when I thought we couldn't) and the more I hoped he would realize what was happening. But at the same time, the more we hung out, the more I gritted my teeth and lost hope because how could someone be so clueless​? Hahaha. The beginning of March ended all hope for me. The moment he texted me after I had proposed some epic adventure and said, “___ is coming back Saturday, so I'll be with her....” exactly like that...shattered my fantasy world. My best friend told me it could be the very best thing in the world (I absolutely denied it) and everyone told me that I had to back off. And I agreed. She was coming back from her exchange early. Early, early. And everyone in the school knew that a part however big was because of him. There were so many things wrong with this. And all of it just confirmed in my mind that I was the mere spec that I was. The week before she arrived was the worst. I intended to stop talking to him. I intended to drift away and be forgotten. I had gotten my few months of bliss and was stronger for it. So what if my happily ever after never happened? I grew up a lot and was leaving for college anyways. But... somehow, we ended up making plans to go to Sadies together the night she was getting back. And somehow, we ended up going to dinner beforehand. And somehow, we ended up talking just as much as usual. After an epic night of Lucy and Ricky-ing it up, she came back and I was more disappointed than ever.

A week after she got back, he left for his band trip that would happen over spring break. I mulled over the thought of a “going-away” gift for a while, wanting to make him CD's for his 35+ hour drive. I didn't want him to think I was doing anything out of the friend-zone. It wasn't my intentions to steal him. EVER. EVER EVER EVER. I was happy that he was so happy, and truthfully, as much as it stung, I was a big girl and would live. But over ice cream, I gave him Guster, Ben Kweller, and Taylor Swift. Along with my CD player. Spring break was ridiculous, to say the least. We texted virtually from the early morning until late night. I mean...who talks that much??? He listened to the Taylor CD's. Which made me infinitely happy. I spent the week texting him and watching movies. That's IT. The day he returned, we had a brief reunion at the park by my house. It was that moment that I knew something had changed. I wasn't sure what. But it felt....different. Three days later, they were done and I (guiltily) couldn't keep the smile off my face.

april: I guess I knew why they broke up. I guess. Although, while I was the happiest personever (because I NEVER thought it was going to work out), I honestly felt so guilty. I wasn't sure that I was a factor, but I felt horrible nonetheless. In the library a couple weeks ago, in fact, I overheard her someone telling her friend that I was heartless along with a slew of horrible names. But I never wanted to be the one to ruin something for someone else. Ever. Ever. Ever. My happiness is something I control and I could have dealt with it. I had no claim on him. He wasn't mine and I completely understood that. At the same time, I like to think I never did anything wrong. I never “made a move” or tried to steal him. I just...talked to him. And became good friends. That's why I knew he had to be the one to make the choice, I couldn't force him any direction. April was so sweet. We knew we liked each other and got to have the pre-relationship cute stuff. We got to adventure and get to know each other in a ways we hadn't before. We started “letter writing”, went to dances, drove to iHop, and hugged sweetly.

May: He asked me to prom on April 22^nd. In the cutest most amazing way possible. And I might have cried happy tears later because I never expected it could happen. I STILL can't believe it. He takes my breath away, as corny as that sounds and I kind of like him. Kind of. :). He makes me so...content. I know that seems like such an under-exaggeration, and of course, he makes me the most excited/happy person ever, but truly, I am just a happy little clam with him. He's the icing on the already strong foundation of happiness I've built over the past year. I am so at ease and just.... content with everything that's happening. I have no complaints. He told me later that giving him the Taylor CD was closely linked in him realizing his own feelings- that I "seduced" him with Taylor :). Prom was May 1^st (see next post!!) and it was one of the best nights of my life. I was his the very next day. I know I'm only 17 going on 18 and him even younger and it IS only high school, but regardless of the future, one of my dreams came true and no one is more surprised than me. I waited for those months for him. I waited and I waited desperately. This all proved to me that given a dream, being yourself does pay off. It can apply to anything. The good girl does win :)

here is your sneak preview of *prom* hahaha :) Just wait- I'm going to include them alll next post! ee! SO MANY MORE TO COME :):):)

and the best part is... this is only the beginning!

Thank you for reading!

I love you alll!