discipline

Dun dun dun.

I don't know where my voice went.

My 'voice'. What a stupid but powerful word used by every English major in every single creative writing workshop critique. Some days, despite my best effort, every word I write sounds fake and forced. Like, I'm trying to make lemonade out of my shoddy prose lemons but failing miserably, or some silly life metaphor like that.

You see. I don't believe in New Years resolutions. Never have, never will. When goals are too unattainable, I'll get lazy and quit halfway through (i.e. run a half marathon- reached nine miles and never ran another mile again). But if they're too easy, I also procrastinate and never do them either (i.e. write for ten minutes a day in my journal - nine days straight and then nothing for a month). There's a happy medium somewhere in there and last year I was actually able to achieve all of my New Years GOALS because they felt unattainable but not impossible. I made a to do list for myself and knocked those bullet items out like nobody's business.

This year, my goals aren't quite so far fetched. I don't have any 'big' goals for myself. I accomplished a lot last year and my goals are somewhat more long term ones I hope to accomplish in the next couple years at the moment. This year, I want to attack my nasty habits and flaws. It's one thing to move to a city alone for a summer and work full time, for example, but another to be able to do that but not be able to do simple things like take out the trash and keep my dirty clothes off the floor. Or eat servings of greens and fruit a day. Or establish routine in my life. Or work on those long term goals I have. What kind of adult am I if I can accomplish the big things and not the small ones?!

My goal for 2014 is simple and that is to focus. Focus on staying organized in my life because I seriously struggle with the little things. Utilizing some dang discipline in my life and sticking to it not because I want to, but because I need to.

Looking at the big picture of things, it's the small attention to details that can set someone apart from failure and success. I can't achieve the big things without putting in the extra effort to finish them. That being said, I want to write every single day in 2014. 750 words. Daily. Of anything.

I am trying. I'm determined that this is the year that I prove to myself that I really can do everything to achieve my goals. I can apply for the big internships and get them AND I can work on my own projects with long term end goals every single day. I can work every day towards something I might not see the success of for years. I want to prove to myself that I am passionate about what I am doing and I will do anything it takes to get there. Discipline. I won't be the majority that gives up because something gets hard and I won't be the majority that won't put in the last 10% to make something good great.

Have at me 2014 and this beautiful challenge in front of me. I'm armed and prepared.

goals (big ones!)

i told you in a post a few back that i'd started making some goals for myself. well, it's true. i think in light of the last six months, the best thing to come out of it was time alone to just think. about myself, about what i wanted, about my future, about things i wanted to accomplish, how i was spending my time, and was i happy? have i been happy? and in the end, i realized i wasn't happy with what i was doing and i wasn't feeling full-filled. i'm a person that's easy to make happy but there comes a point when you have to do things in your life to feel satisified and full. i'm a person that likes to work. and i haven't been working outside of school in two years. i was focused on just graduating and getting through school which truly, just isn't enough for me. i like projects. multiple ones. i like working for short term goals and reaching them. i like the big and the small challenges in life.

so that being said, here's what i've been working on/what's ahead for me:

• running a half marathon in may 2013
• getting into upper level creative writing workshops
• studying abroad in ireland next june on a scholarship
• minoring/double majoring in creative writing
• building my photography business
• becoming a CNA

i was holding out until i found out if i'd made it in our not, but i was accepted into the creative writing workshops i wanted that are competitive (!!!!!). i'm doing everything on my list. i'm running a half marathon to prove to myself that i can do something i don't think i can. i'm studying abroad because i crave adventure and i want to push myself to try new things, finally. i am taking more writing classes because it makes me happier than anything else. i'm shooting back-up at a wedding next summer and being paid for it. i've done fourteen senior shoots, three "couple" shoots, and four family shoots. i'm going to do CNA training because i have ideas of where i want it to take me after. and i'm doing it all just for me. what better way is there to do something?

and thank you, to all of you, yes, you, for being a part of the journey. this is all just really, really cool.

it's tuesday? i mean wednesday? wait, thursday!?

this week has been a big giant blur.

i spent all week working on something obsessively (which will be revealed monday)(that is, if i'm accepted!).

thankfully, as of right now, all has been said and done and i took myself out for a celebratory iced starbucks drink because regardless i can say i tried. no matter what, i'm taking risks right now and i had to stop and remind myself that these risks are good. i've accomplished more in six months than i have in two years and i'm pushing myself in places i have always wanted to go.

another thing i have to remember? just because i'm choosing to focus on writing right now and sidestep my college track just a bit and although it's the thing i'm good at and love, it doesn't mean it's just going to all come easily. i forgot that. there will be mean people out there and there will be the occasional bad grade but in the end, the fact that i believe in myself whereas i didn't necessarily in the pre-med world, just means i will come out on top. i know it. 

i'm sorry for the minuscule blogging break but i'll be back at it next week and i'm also writing an article for an online magazine right now and working on more photography projects so YAY to all of the above! you all rock. you won't see me around these parts over the weekend but perhaps you will on this blog when i finish coding her layout ;). she's a HOOT, i tell you.

22 before 21

(one) get all A's for one semester.

(two) skinny dip.

(three) sew my own article of clothing/alter something from goodwill.

(four) go an entire year without facebook.

(five) train and complete a 5k.

(six) photograph a wedding.

(seven) finish a writing project.

(eight) buy every piece of furniture for my apartment used.

(nine) go on a road trip to seattle.

(ten) ask someone well dressed on the street or on campus if i can take a picture of what they're wearing.

(eleven) go on a road trip to portland.

(twelve) stick to a clothing budget.

(thirteen) make my own stationary and get back to regular letter writing.

(fourteen) pay off my car.

(fifteen) learn to take my own pictures with a tripod.

(sixteen) order something other than grilled cheese/chicken fingers at restaurants.

(seventeen) move forward in the future without looking backwards.

(eighteen) learn to use the public bus system.

(nineteen) rent a tandem bike with a date/friend and ride around missoula.

(twenty) keep a cleaning routine in my apartment.

(twenty one) network my photography in missoula.

(twenty two) meet some bloggers IN REAL LIFE!