Wednesday, February 26

the weight of it allllllllll

Maybe it's the record amounts of snow we are getting (after a record warm January last month) and the sheer amount of crazy happening in all my classes, but I am feeling a little (a lot) stretched thin right now.

I want to do it all. I want to show up to every class having carefully read every single word. I want to be there for every single one of my friends who are enduring loads of emotional drama in their lives (is this the winter of breakups after breakups or what?). I want to volunteer at the nursing home like it's my full time job. I want to read every single one of the 300 submissions to our school's literary magazine that I'm working on this semester. I want to meet my Netflix quota for the week. I want to meet my personal Netflix quota but also hang out with my boyfriend when I'm done with homework. I want to cook healthy meals every day instead of eating crappy food on campus. I want to work harder to book more photography jobs than I am now. I want to work out and be active. I want to babysit on weekends. I want to ski, go snowshoeing, take winter pictures, and thrift. 

I want to do it all. For five weeks, I've tried. I've tried and it's starting to take a toll on the quality and quantity of sleep I get every night. It's starting to take a toll on my happiness and the way I process every emotion, good or bad. It's starting to all become an all consuming never ending to do list I'm always thinking about and taking me away from the present.

And the thing is, my "problems" aren't even really "problems". It's just life and being busy. It's just those pesky extra ten minutes in the morning brushing six inches of snow off my car, losing a couple hours of sleep, and not being able to have as much fun as I'd like that's getting to me. It's just LIFE and I'm sick of waking up feeling stressed every morning. This week I'm trying to wake up with a fresher and happier attitude. It's starting to help and putting in time to go to the gym is also helping. The fact is, I can't do it all and after five weeks, I'm starting to accept I won't be able to execute all of the above perfectly. And that's okay.

My best sometimes is good enough.
Afterlight Afterlight


Susanne said...

Holy crap I am so jealous. We did not get almost any snow this year and winter seems to be over for good now, which makes me a bit blue-is.

To your struggle - start everyday like it's your birthday and try to make the most of it :) it's hard to do everything at once, so set small goals rather than huge and unaccomplishable, you only get 24 hours in a day and sleep is VERY important

Z said...

I totally agree. If there's one thing I FINALLY learned after almost three years of college, its that I need to prioritize. What's most important to me? Do that first, and then figure out if the rest is worth sacrificing sleep/social time/what have you. I totally relate - hope you feel better!

Lizzie said...

"I want to do it all" was seriously the sentiment I had before I turned to blogger and started reading this. When I'm not doing homework, I am planning a fun weekly event with my friends or dashing off to a talk from so-and-so about whatnot. And I agree, after five weeks, I am exhausted. I think I should start going to the gym as well. That seems like it would help.

Thanks for sharing this. I always feel lucky to have found your blog and be able to continue reading and getting to know you.

Stay warm. It's a tundra out there.

Jennifer said...

Man I know how that feels. This was definitely a weird winter for us, too, in some ways. I'm just glad I'm done with school so I don't have quite as much to worry about, anymore. I do miss it, though. Sometimes.