nineteen.

it's a little bit hard to believe that I'm nineteen.

every single time I gripe about my age, all of the elders in the room say,

"don't you think it's a little too early to worry about getting old?"

my answer: no.

I know I'm not technically old. 

But what scares me is how every single year seems to go faster

and faster.

I'm mostly scared that I'm going to wake up in the blink of an eye

and everything that is happening right now,

like sitting here typing at my computer,

will be what I'm remembering as a 90 year old.

Right now is going to be a memory before I know it.

for the past six years and some odd years previous,

I've written in my diary on my birthday.

and for some reason, I always recap what I've learned,

how I've grown, what I've realized, what I want, 

what I love, and hopes for the future.

this year, however,

 I can't write pages about who I've become

and who I want to become.

there isn't much to say.

I have everything

and I'm further than where I ever thought I could be.

all I want to enjoy is right now 

while it's here.