Monday, April 7

That time I quit blogging for a month

The fact is, this semester has just plain sucked. I haven't been my best self. I've been self loathing. I've overindulged in my own problems. I've let a crappy professor dictate how I feel about my writing. I've complained and complained and complained without doing anything about it. I stopped blogging because I knew I was just being a turd. I knew I'd dealt with much bigger problems and yet I let dinky ones get in the way of happiness. I don't know what feeling bad for myself for a month means but when it finally all just become silly, I did something about it. And then life became better.

In two weeks, I've gotten a job as a barista, scored an internship for this spring and into next summer, started volunteering at a nursing home, and returned back to hiking and running again. The action of doing something rather than sitting at home in bed with my journal and a sweet boyfriend to complain to made all the difference. 

So, I guess I'm back. I'm back and I miss blogging and I sort of miss my old self. I'm ready to do again. Chalk it up to a winter that never ended, a professor tell me I sucked, a series of migraines and colds that didn't seem to end, stuffing as many credits as possible into a semester so I can study abroad next spring, or immaturity- but a month of doing nothing proved to be the kick in the pants I needed. 

A couple weeks ago, while I was volunteering, I wasn't anxious to make the rounds to the ward of the nursing home of older folks who aren't active or talkative. It's hard to watch people who seem to have given up, but it's harder to watch people who seem to have given up because they've reached the stage of their life where their reasons for living exist only in their past. However, as I made my way down the hallway, one gentleman sat in his wheelchair outside his room. I've met him once and he barely smiled when I introduced himself. I knew his family lived states away and he spent most of his time reading alone. This time, though, I said hi and asked if he wanted to play a board game. 

He looked at me and said, "Girlie, you don't look old enough to ask a man if he wants to play a board game." 

He followed this statement with a wink and then looked me directly in the eye. I stared in shock and then, at the same time, we both started laughing. It was the only reminder I needed. Life is too serious to take so seriously sometimes.
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11 comments:

sydney said...

i was trying to get to your blog and i didn't put the second hyphen and it said your blog had been deleted and i was like WHAT THE FUCK MAGGIE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME but it wasn't you so everything's cool i love you bye

Jennifer said...

that was a beautiful little story. and a great reminder, too. :)

Emma Jane said...

I'm sorry... what drug is this Professor on that he told you you suck? I'll destroy him. Cause you don't suck. He does.

But this was me a few weeks ago. I was so so done with everything. Then I woke up one day and thought that maybe everything would suck less if I got proactive. So then I went out, had a few drinks, kissed a stranger (WHO WAS BRITISH (that didn't hurt me feeling better about myself)) and now I feel so much better. You are amazing. I love you. K. well. BYE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

Em
Tightrope to the Sun

Natalie said...

As abnormal psych has told me, problem focused coping is almost always more effective than emotion focused coping. Getting out there and doing things to solve the things that are making your life suck (if they are solvable of course) is always such a glorious feeling. I'm glad you're back in business!

Ebony Campbell said...

You go girl! Everything in this post resonates with where I'm at. I dunno what they heck I'm doing right now with myself and where did I go to, for a pick-me-up? Your blog :)

Call me narcissistic, but sometimes it feels funny, that I don't get comments back from this wonderful Maggie girl. I have to remember that life is busy and we're all just doing the best we can.

I know your best will get you to where you wanna be.

Ebs x

Ebony Campbell said...

You go girl! Everything in this post resonates with where I'm at. I dunno what they heck I'm doing right now with myself and where did I go to, for a pick-me-up? Your blog :)

Call me narcissistic, but sometimes it feels funny, that I don't get comments back from this wonderful Maggie girl. I have to remember that life is busy and we're all just doing the best we can.

I know your best will get you to where you wanna be.

Ebs x

By The Shore, Life + Style said...

Oh Maggie, you're a beautiful human being and writer!! Don't every let anyone steal your thunder... glad to hear your soul is feeling lighter & you're full of inspiration again!! Big hugs to you, girly!! xoxo V

Nada Qamber said...

You can be such an inspiration to those who are lost in their lives, and constantly feel bad for themselves.
The story with the old man is a great way to end a blog post like this.
Looking forward to your future blog posts! xox
http://nadabutlove.blogspot.com/

Niki said...

I'm also in the proces of finding myself again. xx

dreaming is believing

peach said...

lovely post :) I really enjoy reading your blog! haha keep in touch x Peach

http://momomoworld.blogspot.com

Trou said...

Glad to see you're back! :)