Wednesday, June 1

Mountain View Road

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about death. And simultaneously, life. Maybe this is too far in the gutter for a personal style blog, but I don't think I've ever followed the rules style blogging anyways. During finals week, my aunt went through a series of tests and the next week we were given the news that her liver was shutting down. Thus, the drugs and months of chemo aren't effective anymore. So, we're there, at that point where the doctor's say that they've done everything they could and at this point, it's choosing how to live before death. My mom is currently at the kitchen table google-ing hotel rooms and flights to Alaska, Oregon, California, and Montana. This summer will be her last. We're putting together dream vacations she wants to embark on and knocking out those items on her bucket list. In retrospect, it all makes me think about what I'm doing. And what would I be doing differently if I had one summer of life left.
Does spending hours staring at clothes online matter? Reading gossip magazines from cover to back? Watching countless episodes of Gilmore Girls in a row? Blogging? I'll be honest, when I heard the news, I had that moment where I looked at my life and wanted to throw everything out the window and only do what I "should" be doing. Maybe I should be hiking every day, spending hours outside. Or reading more books in the sunshine. Seeing more of my friends. And then I had a conversation with my mom and I don't think I could have thought or said it any better. We never really know if we're going to get a long life, we never really know when it'll be taken. But that's why we do the only thing we can do: be happy and do those things that make us happy, even if they're somewhat silly (gossip magazines) or "unproductive" (hours posting pictures on the internet). Sure, I could go outside more. I could see my friends more. I should be cleaning my room. But I love all of these silly things I do and they are a part of my life and they're just as important as the "should be doings". My aunt told me at Christmas that the best life lesson she ever learned out of the experience was balance.
Anyways, Niklaas and I took pictures today! I've been eyeing this barn for the longest time and I really need to take advantage of all that Idaho has to offer this summer (barns included). It made me happy and to counteract the unproductive hour of pictures and editing them and writing this blog post, I might just go clean my room for an hour. Balance. I tried to tell him how exciting it was to take pictures knowing that I was going to post them the next day instead of a month later. Ick!!! The end of long distance means a lot of good things, folks. It felt more like fun than a chore this time around because I wasn't stuck in the "planning a blog post" mode of prepping posts for months in advance and could just wear something I felt like wearing that day. I got this dress from Modcloth with a gift certificate I won and I love the fabric. It swooshed and swished and was soft. Plus, the open back was a sweet surprise!
Another note, I'm debuting my Jeffrey Campbell's. They were the Style&Tell prize also from Modcloth and I love them. Normally, I'd never spend so much money on a pair of shoes that I could find cheaper any other place, but getting them so cheap was awesome. They are so comfortable and I made Niklaas smell them. New shoe smell= greater than new car smell. MMMM! I was scared to mix the prints at first, but I loved how it turned out!
Have a good rest of the week!
Dress- Modcloth
Shoes- Jeffrey Campbell
Necklace- Alex
Hairband-Forever 21


genevieve, sandbox romance said...

Maggie, this is such an amazing post. I absolutely adore these pictures! They're beautiful and summery, and you look perfectly lovely in them. That dress is just darling; I'm loving the cutouts, bow detailing, and sweet little print! I really need to bite the bullet and get something from Modcloth...

Everything you wrote about was really touching. I'm so sorry to hear about you aunt; that sort of news is hard to take. It sounds like y'all are dealing with a bad situation in the best way possible; by making it meaningful and beautiful, while you can. And I'm glad you realized that reading gossip magazines and blogging is something "worthwhile", for you--you need little things in your life to make you happy! (Plus, I'd miss your sweet posts!) Best of luck with the upcoming moths. Feel free to reach out, if you need to. You can always email me if you need a friend, and I'm sure a lot of other bloggers would be more than happy to lend a virtual shoulder, too.

Trou, .bleuebird said...

I most definitely agree with you. Life is all about balance. Without the bad things, we wouldn't know what the good things are and too much of a good things almost always becomes a bad thing.

And I love the florals! It's just gorgeous mixed together.

twenty-something-year-old future RN. said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt, Maggie. :-( I hope she manages to have the summer of her dreams this year. It seems as if she is a truly inspirational person, and I really appreciate the life lessons in this post. It really is all about the small things in life that make you happy, and just doing what you love. Thanks for the reminder.

Bethany Kellen of bunnypicnic said...

i'm sorry to hear about your aunt. but it seems you've got the right mindset. it's just about doing what makes you happy with each day you got.
and you're looking adorable each day!

Bad Taste Toast said...

You look amazing in this colourful dress, it's so cute mixed with the other floral print on the shoes! And a hippie-esque flower in your hair :)

I'm sorry to hear this about your aunt, it kind of knocks you out of your life more or less when you get such a message. How sad, I don't know how I would spend the sumemr if it was my last. But your mother is perfectly right, if you keep doing what makes you happy then you're on the right track.

Kuleigh said...

She got it right! Life is definitely about balance and just doing whatever makes you happy. I lost my roommate this past December but I honestly don't know what's worse-- knowing there's not much time or having someone taken from you in an instant. Hope you stay strong and find happiness through all the sad stuff. Hugs!

Jamie Rose said...

Everything about this outfit is adorable. I especially love the cutout back on your dress and those amazing shoes. I'm really sorry to hear about your Aunt. I completely agree with doing what makes you happy though. Even if they're silly things, if they make you happy they're worth it!

Amber Blue Bird said...

I had a similar experience with my brother about a year ago. He needed a liver transplant and luckily he received one but it was so scary and really made me reevaluate my life. I spend more time outside and talking with friends but you cant live each day like you are about to die. If blogging makes you happy then you should keep doing it.

Ginger Snap ♥ said...

Oh this post was beautiful, i always enjoy reading what you write this one especially was just so lovely. Your outfit is gorgeous too! I love your mix of prints.
Thankyou so much for your comment lovely xx

Ginger Snap ♥ said...

Oh this post was beautiful, i always enjoy reading what you write this one especially was just so lovely. Your outfit is gorgeous too! I love your mix of prints.
Thankyou so much for your comment lovely xx

Margaret said...

The dress is so beautiful! And the headband! Your pictures make me yearn for the Palouse so badly...ahhhh!! I want to escape the bright lights for even one day!

There was a time when I contemplated what the purpose of life even is. I still haven't found the answer yet. Sure, I have one goal that I will never stop pursuing until it's fulfilled, but is that why my life was given to me? It's really hard to say.

Liz said...

This is a great post. I work in a nursing home, so I contemplate death/life A LOT. It's depressing sometimes, but it's actually not a bad thing to think about every now and then. And like you said, balance is everything. (even balancing your thoughts about thinking about death.)
Anyway, a good friend of mine is dying of cancer right now, so I understand what you're talking about.
Lovely, lovely post.

Alex said...

You, scared of pattern mixing? Never!

I've been thinking about death a lot too. My friend's two month old baby is dying and I feel so guilty for carrying on as normal. But what else can you do? I'm firmly of the opinion that it's all the little things we enjoy that make us who we are. Life can't all be about the big moments and things that are classed as somehow "worthy". Like your aunt says, balance is the thing. Do what makes you happy, whatever it is.

I hope you all have a wonderful summer with her. I'll be thinking of you.

rosieposie said...

i completely agree with what you are saying, and my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

'every day is a gift, that's why it's called the present'

i love the shoes from this outfit by the way :-)


Steffys Pros and Cons said...

you just can't think about that stuff, you just have to live and do what you love. because if you start to dissect everything and whether or not it makes life "meaningful" or if it is worth spending your time on, you may think everything is meaningless. although it does make you appreciate your loved ones and the precious time spent with them so much more!

<3 steffy
Steffys Pros and Cons

Hannah said...

You are so kind to be making the most of life for your aunt! Though it's under dire circumstances, I wish you all the best and hope you have the time of your life on the upcoming adventures. I'm sure this will turn into a Summer you will never forget!

Natalie said...

If this was my last summer left on earth, I probably wouldn't be spending as much time on the internet, watching stupidly entertaining movies, all those things. But your mom sounds like such a wonderfully wise person and I certainly agree with everything that she's said. The point is, we can never know what life or death has in store for us, so there's no use in trying to make every single second the most vitally important second of your life ever and feeling guilty if we're doing something deemed unworthy. Thank you for writing about this... it was amazing to read.

I adore the back of that dress with the cutout. And those shoes... those shoes! They look beyond fantastic. Comfortable and inexpensive is definitely a plus. :)

TheeFknGoddess said...

I freaking love that dress!

Jasmine, Transient Withdrawal said...

Oh Maggie! I'm so sorry about your Aunt. She is so very lucky to have you for a niece and your mother as a sister! Death definitely makes you appreciate life more, but there's only so much "gotta make each moment count" you can take each and every day. When my good friend passed away, I felt the same way (especially if you can remember since he was the one who got me into photography and blogging). But your mom is so right--you can all be happy and if it's in the simplest things like blogging and clothes, then so be it! I love you Maggie! I'm an email away if you need to talk <3

Loving all your florals! So glad you and Niklaas are reunited! Super excited to see what other adventures you two will go on this Summer!

Amber Rose, Laughing With Broken Eyes said...

My beautiful Maggie <3

This post.. I love that your thoughts seem to echo what mine are and that you blog about/say the things that I don't even realize I'm thinking.

I think you're absolutely right-- the things we 'should' be doing are really just the silly little thigs that make us happy, make us ourselves.

We probably 'should' be taking summer courses and cleaning and going to the gym and whatnot.. but looking at online clothes, sipping coffee, listening to records... that's who we are.

Balance-- just like you said.
Oh, I just adore you.

Know that I'm truly saddened to hear of your Aunt. She and your family are in my thoughts, and I'm always here to vent to no matter when or by which means.

This just means that our roadtrip to eachother will be moved up a few places on our bucket lists.


Laura said...

i love your posts! i always feel that i find something insightful when i read them!
your shoes are the cutest! :D


Ashley Sloan said...

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry to hear about the news but I do like the advice of balance. That is something I'm working on right now. I hope this summer is one to remember and have fun on those bucket list trips! The post was really well written and I do LOVE your cute outfit...every SINGLE item you're wearing :) Keep your heard up girl.

Ashley Sloan

Temporary:Secretary said...

pretty! love the shoes, especially. x

Flashes of Style said...

Awwee these florals are gorgeouss!! Both the dress and shoes.



Emma said...

what gorgeous photos, i love the print on your dress and amazing flower headband. so sweet

Renée said...

Oh Maggie so sad to hear this about your aunt, it sounds like she is such a strong and very inspiring woman and that you all will make the best of it for her.

Your dress is so cute and I love the back. You have beautiful photos :)

Enjoy your weekend.


Anna said...

first thing i have to say is your awesome shoes match your dress PERFECTLY..
you always take pictures in the most beautiful places.. i wish seattle would have some of that idaho landscape~

but the main thing i wanted to contribute is.. thanks for making us think about death.. and life as well. i love reading about your thoughts, and it makes me think what i would do if i only had a summer left. it almost makes me sad to think i'm not doing the things i would do.. but maybe i'll change that this summer.

Victoria said...

Very inspiring post, dear ! And I really do think youre right. One should do whatever makes you happy ! And if that is all those small silly things- then do them ! In the end we all wanna be happy..!
Super super cute dress btw ! and the location is amazing as well !

Stevia said...

Dearest, maggie
So sorry about your aunt. Please be strong for her. I'm sure she needs all the love you can give her.
Your aunt is such an inspiration. It is true that balance is the key of life. My dad always stressed the same thing to me.
I remember last year when my uncle was in the hospital. He had a colon cancer and he was so thin and frail yet he was the one who cheered us up. He also continued to make songs.
I hope you and the whole family will have the bestest time on your holiday :)

The pictures are lovely! And the back of your dress is soo cute!


Vanessa, Take only Memories said...

What a beautiful dress! And I love your headband! Stunning photos!