cranky spell

the worst kind of cranky is the kind where you don't really have a reason to be, but you just are, and then you feel even worse because you know you're being too self loathing and making everyone around you annoyed. i woke up at 6:45am today feeling tired and stressed out just three days into the school year. how can a teacher tell his students that last semester we didn't get to five chapters and he didn't expect to be teaching this semester, so now we have to catch up on what he didn't teach the previous semester and take a quiz on it the first week of classes? i'm a good student. i do my homework. i do my reading. i'll do what it takes to understand something. and i can honestly say that last semester i had the worst classroom experience in a class i've ever had. taking a final and not even being able to narrow down any answers of 75-80% of the test was unbelievable. there's not studying and taking a final... and then there's not learning and taking one.

anyways, i guess i was feeling defeated before the semester really even kicked off. i took three short naps all day and generally projected my bad mood in whiney complaints. i was annoying myself. i just wanted to go home and curl up in my down comforter and ignore everyone. i wanted a hug but i'll be honest, i'm too stubborn to admit when i need one. or when i need anything. i like to pride myself on being a "happy" person that doesn't let small things get my mood down especially when there are people that have it worse and i don't feel like i have reason to complain about a single thing, but there are days when i'm just a grumpy mess.

so what did it? telling someone i was grumpy. a text later informing me that yes, it was obvious to everyone was humbling. as people, we're always growing and learning and i'm still learning that it's okay to not be okay and asking for what you need isn't a bad thing. it's the "grown up" thing rather than moping around being an annoyance to others.