honest to blog

• i've reached the point where i'm 100% me and happy again. being there and being in this confident good place feels amazing. however, while i don't miss being in a relationship and i don't want to just go out and get a boyfriend, i've started to miss the kind of connection that comes with being that close to someone. realizing this, i've also figured out through meeting so many new people and in exploring a bit that i'm terrified. i'm absolutely terrified of even "liking" someone again and forming a connection like so again. i am excited to do it all over again someday because i know that it's going to be so much better the next time around having learned what i have. but that moment when i meet someone, and it's going well, and i'm not choking on my words or forcing the conversation to flow, tends to make me freeze in the middle of it.
• the hardest lesson i have learned in the past year? the people you least expect to disappoint you probably will. the best lesson i've learned? time is the best testament of trust and the people who have always, always been there will still be there when the others leave.
• i had a bit of a weird situation where something happened and instead of addressing me about it, it was left to me to find out about it through every single one of my other friends. yes, i was hurt. and yes, i was in a position to say something if i wanted to. but the best tool i've learned is indifference. starting something isn't worth it, defending myself isn't even worth it when i know that it doesn't affect my life in any big way anyways. being the better person goes far. and i can't say i would have reacted the same way just a year ago and that makes me proud.
• there are days in college where i find myself feeling like i'm just over the whole scene. it's not that i feel superior to anyone or anything, but i feel ready for what's next sometimes. i realize i know who i am and the number of people i actually need in my life are few. but if there's one thing that i think about constantly it's the words my aunt said during our last phone call. she told me not to rush anything too quickly, to enjoy each day for what it is, because the day will come when there aren't any major milestones ahead. and if they are, they are few and far apart. truthfully, though i may feel "over" it, there are still three semesters of learning and growing to do. and i am thankful for it all regardless of how mundane it all gets to be sometimes. 

*idea taken from one of my favorite bloggers whose "honest to blog" feature is my favorite.