guest post!

helllllooooo!

i'm guest posting today over at the very lovely blog owned

by miss charlotte! 

i talked about niklaas and my two year anniversary

and how we celebrated and i wore

one of my very favorite dresses!

her blog is awesome! and i adore her to pieces.
i'm so happy that this has made us better friends
because she's an awesome girl from the UK that i'm
excited to get to know even better!
(and the way she wears mint/colored jeans!? AHH!)

hey mom

i think you're kind of the best mom in the world, but that's what we're supposed to say. i think you're the prettiest mom in the world, too, but that's also what we're supposed to say. but, you know, both of those things are very true.

thank you for always having my back, standing up to my bullies and teaching me to stand up for myself. thank you for becoming more than a mom as i grow up, but a best friend, too. i don't know how i could have gotten through the year without your phone calls while i cried on the other end of the line and just listened. you always know what to say. you're pretty great. i love that i know for a fact sophie and i are your world and it shows. it means everything to have someone love us that much and know it.

you and dad make quite the team. i have no idea how you did it, but you two are some of the most amazing parents around. i'm so excited to grow up and for our relationship to continue to grow.

you're the best.

first day of summer

a perfect first summer day

1. woke up at 10am, mom served me coffee in bed, finished the

new episode of grey's anatomy (OH MY GOODNESS!),

and read some blogs.

2. drove (!!!) to pullman, met my dad who walked me

to my first biology class (so glad i go to a teensy

tiny campus that's completely flat), went to class, tried

to make new friends, knew everything in lecture already,

and WSU uses the same clickers we do (score!).

3. came home to a letter in the mail and 

my new splurged anthropologie headband! aye aye!

4. lunch with my momma downtown. 

5. went on an adventure with my best friend.

there's nothing prettier than the rolling hills

in the spring. walked to the top of one. 

loved every second.

blasted josh ritter in the car.

i'm home!

which means, back to regular blogging.

YES!

all good things come to an end

dear creative writing,

thank you for being the best class i've taken yet. thank you mostly to modcloth model for making it what it was; the way you structured the class and created such an open and welcoming environment for everyone was truly spectacular. for the first time in college, i found joy in the classroom again. a reason to work and a reason to find that passion in school again. i've found it in small pieces over the past four semesters, but i've never been able to put them together enough so that i could finally feel happy sitting in a desk doing what i'm doing.

thank you for making me a better person. i'm a better writer, but i'm also a better person. i learned about people, i learned about relationships of every kind, i learned about story telling, i learned tricks, and i learned a lot about me. i have no idea what kind of a writer i am or if i even am one, but i think i've figured out that i want to be one. i just have to decide what kind of writer that is. i've learned about what makes a story "a story" and i've learned not to take it so seriously; at the end of the day, a story can be told just for enjoyment. it doesn't have to "mean something" (and often times, when you try less, you achieve more). 

i got an A in your class, but i hardly cared when i opened my portfolio to see it. it was never about a grade and in a lot of ways, i've learned grades aren't what count, being pre-med isn't what counts, but that just studying and devoting time to doing something you love counts. passions matter! and i'm sick of listening to the voice in my head that says i'll never succeed if i pursue writing, that i'm a terrible writer, that i'll never go anywhere, and that i should stick with what's practical. it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks i'm a "good" writer, their opinion doesn't count. mine does. i don't think i'm a great writer but i think it's something i love and passion sometimes means more than skills.

i'm done.

and i'm now double majoring. i knew that was coming, and i didn't need a class to show me that's what i needed to do, but i did need this class to show me how i felt about it. and guess what? i'm happy.

love,

me.

may as told by instagram

the space needle // sometimes, we just happen to match? it isn't 

planned but when it does, there will probably

 be a picture taken // bored in nordstroms // i'm having 

a tough time with the 

iphone // 13 hours straight in the

 library? done // new norah jones = week made

my sperrys never want to 

stay tied // rainy days = hunters, always the 

hunters //amazing pistachio gelato from 

our two year anniversary dinner (i was so spoiled!) //

roommate sharpie tattoos // best 

dessert in the world // my roommate looks better

in my clothes than i do (and i'm okay with it)

studying in the library endlessly 

// trying new food at dinner // seattle 

*taken by niklaas* // my two favorite 

things ever: HIMYM and SPKs // vanilla

ice cream, giant cookie, serve warm // fro-yo

there are so many adorable puppies

 on campus and it's truly the best thing ever //

anthropologie accessories are my 

new favorite // stripes + bow + mustard yellow //

heaviest backpack on the smallest person

i realize i've been pretty absent around here and it's all due to finals week. some things have to take priority and finals are one of those. sorry, dearest blog, but i'll be back soon! i have 

a breakfast with my creative writing teacher tomorrow, i stayed 

up until 3am studying genetics last night and woke up at 7am this morning

to continue studying before the final. aced it? i *hope* i did. statistics is nearly

over and i couldn't be happier. i get to see my family soon!!!!

another great thing? knowing we have a summer ahead of us

to spend together at home. how amazing is it that i get to have my

best friend at school and when i come home!? it's one less friend to leave
behind when everyone parts ways for the summer.

p.s. does everyone else love may as much as i do?

why you gotta be so mean?

this one time, someone was really unfairly mean to me. it wasn't necessarily just that he wasn't in the place of authority to say the things he said, but that he definitely didn't have the right to say the things he did as a human. i came home crying from every practice and every game without fail, sometimes barely making it to my mom's car before i started sobbing and broke down in the car. i hated it. i hated every second. i hated that the wrong people got praised and the right people that deserved it were ignored or worse, treated like i was. i'm not saying i particularly deserved a golden spot, but i firmly believe that whether it's a sport or not, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. i mean, that's just common knowledge right? he made me feel worthless and broke my spirit completely that year. it was the only time i ever let someone feel like i didn't deserve something.

my parents weren't oblivious. i'm pretty sure looking back it was probably more difficult for them than it ever was for me. i told them not to do anything, to absolutely do nothing. but they did, being the amazing parents they were. at first i was upset. people found out and talked about it wondering who was the 'mole'. i was so embarrassed. but then something particularly wonderful happened. i got the chance to address him and it was perhaps the first "real" confrontation i ever had. i said exactly what i was feeling to his face and he was embarrassed. he apologized and even if i didn't believe it, he still did. and while he continued his antics after i graduated, he also quit getting away with it. other people stepped up to the plate. i was proud then.

years and years later, it made me realize two things. first that i have the best parents in the world that truly did have my back when they said they would. they were right. i don't doubt for a second that if i need them, they would be there for me like they were in one of the hardest times of my life. secondly, it made me realize that it made me become the kind of person that realized i would never again be a push over. i would never let someone walk all over me again and destroy me. i'm more brave now and it's still true that i will voice my opinion if i firmly believe someone isn't treating me or someone else close to me right. it's who i am and that's a big realization. sometimes it's somewhat unsettling only because of the backlash that sometimes occurs after the fact, but in the end it feels better knowing that i did something rather than let someone tell me i shouldn't think what i should. of course there are gray areas to that and i'm not always going to be right (...that's been proven quite a few times), but when the internal alarm goes off, i can't ignore it.

it's who i am now. and i can't say i'm quite 'proud' of it yet, but i'll get there.

may third

... excuse me while i try to survive finals and portfolio week!