I wish I could make this story up

Until 3pm, yesterday was simply marvelous.

I put on the dress I had bought in Hawaii not expecting to wear until at least June but low and behold, the high for today was in the eighties. Has that ever happened so early in the summer!? I finished my paper during my three hour gap and then got out of my afternoon class early so I stole my roommate from her place in the grass on campus and relived our glorious Freshmen 15 days (or, mine, I should say because that girl has a perpetual eight pack). Calzones and ice cream were purchased from the campus store which we consumed in the grass. I went to my last class which for some reason went faster than it has ever gone all semester. And then, oh, and then...

I got to my car. Put on my sunglasses. Pulled out of my parking spot and turned on my tunes. When I was mere blocks from my apartment, I suddenly heard a loud *pop* like a firework had gone off and simultaneously, a loud bang. For half a second I thought I'd gotten in a car accident until I noticed orange gunk everywhere and the dispersal of what looked like orange spray sunscreen  Then I realized. It was my pepper spray that my mom bought me to keep me safe on my runs through the wilderness because the occasional bear sighting has been reported on my trail. I immediately pulled over because I was coughing and it was stinging my throat, plus, I didn't want to get it in my eyes so I had them half closed as I veered into a used car lot. Rolled down every window and then just stood outside my car until it seemed like it was all done. 

Here's where a dumb mistake got even more dumb: because the pepper spray had gotten all over my car and on every surface while I waited in the parking lot for it to die, naturally I thought it was a good idea to sit on my seat (which in my defense didn't look like it had been touched) bare legged with a short dress on. It was a block from my apartment that my legs suddenly felt like they were on fire until I couldn't hold still and it felt like they were being skinned with a knife. I kid you not. Searing pain. I called my mom in a panic and in what was the only smart choice I made, immediately got in the shower and lathered my legs up with soap. However, the burning didn't fade for over an hour as I sat in the ice cold milk/water bath I created because apparently the fats in milk helps strip the chemicals from your body.

Once everything had simmered on down, I sat on the couch and watched Friends and that's the end of that story. Sometimes, my life. I don't even know. And this time I take full responsibility of my actions because I definitely could have prevented the entire thing from happening at all.