officially not a teenager

my 20th birthday was today and it was a first of its kind. never have i spent a birthday at home, not even once. usually i'm somewhere between butte and missoula montana, driving in sweltering heat and living out of a suitcase of dirty camping clothes. usually, i spend my birthday evenings eating at a randomly chosen restaurant and end the night in a hotel room where i scribble in my diary before the night is over about what it's like to be another year older. this year, i spent the day at the beach with my sister and mom and two close friends. i slept in, in my own bed. i had pancakes made for me. i had coffee brought to me. 

what is it like being twenty? it doesn't feel different, of course it doesn't. it never really does. but there's something about turning twenty that is different than the other years; i'm officially in my 'twenties'. i'm sure that this doesn't mean i'm a drastically changed person nor will things really become that different down the road, but i'm well aware of the new responsibilities ahead. paying my own rent of my new apartment, paying the car insurance and gas of my 2001 subaru outback, going to school full time and working part time, and all of these things that suddenly feel more adult than my teen years of responsibilities. it's new, it's liberating, and it's exciting. but it's also somewhat crazy knowing i'll never be that young nor that free of responsibility ever again. we'll never, ever be younger than we are right now.

then again, is that any different than before? no, not really. not really at all.