meant to be

i'm going to tell you a story

about the time a girl asked one of her dearest friends if she'd want to take outfit photos for her because she was boyfriendless and newly single but mostly because her friend was extremely stylish and took amazing pictures. they made plans one evening to take pictures, but their plans fell through so completely out of the blue, they decided, LET'S TAKE THEM TONIGHT! so the girl did her hair really quickly and sped for maybe the first time in her life down the highway to get to the neighboring town where her photographer and stylish carless friend lived. she found her way pretty easily to her friend's house having been there quite a few times in the summer but once they set out to take pictures, she took a terribly wrong turn which lead to an unfortunate backwards way to get to where they wanted to actually be. it was an area of this town where she had never been nor knew anything of. driving at 10mph so as to avoid taking another wrong turn, they drove down a quiet residential street chatting aimlessly. appearing almost out of no where, she suddenly observed a boy and a girl walking down the street and looking more closely, a very well dressed boy and the thought crossed her mind, "so there IS more than just one adorably dressed hipster i could see myself dating in this world." 

*pause*

not even another millisecond long glance was needed for her to VERY quickly realize that this boy was in fact... her newly labeled EX-boyfriend. walking down the street, with a girl. the ex-boyfriend she'd one millisecond earlier decided was cute and well dressed and gave her faith that there were more people out there in the world than just the one she'd fallen in love with. on a quiet street, one she could not more literally have stumbled on, that she wouldn't have even been near if she'd left one minute later or one minute earlier. 

but here's where the story gets good because while she saw this person who she kind of hated but still kind of loved even when she shouldn't and didn't even know if she wanted to love, she also saw that this girl was wearing denim cutoffs and a ratty tank top and messy hair and while she probably is/was a really nice girl, the ex-girlfriend sitting in the car was wearing an awesome pink dress and having a really good hair day and had also snagged the ex-boyfriend for four hours on their first date once upon a time. and everything was okay because she wasn't bitter or resentful, she was just better off. no one ever would be the girl who did what she did and no one would ever replace her nor the memories of the two and a half years spent. maybe this was the moment to prove to her two months later that things were as they were and that's how they were meant to be. and who knows? maybe things had to happen so better things could fall into place.

and she was proud.

dress: H&M // hat & flats: Urban Outfitters

quote-spiration

i'll be the very first person to admit that i love corny quotes and i kind of live by them. sometimes, a mix of jumbled confusing thoughts are said so simply in so few words. these are some i've loved all summer long.

in my spare time, i like to hang out in abandoned houses...

but really, my motto is "the creepier, the better". and this doesn't just apply to finding places to take senior portraits or where to explore, either. stories, pictures, and more to come.

i'm booked solid this week for senior pictures (six planned shoots upcoming this week and i had four this weekend) so i'll have an update there soon, i have thoughts to share about the funeral mass i attended yesterday, and a couple of last summer posts before i leave for school.

life is busy, but i like it.

i believe in...

i believe in...

• blasting the music in your car as loudly as possible and singing even louder, but especially when taylor swift does it again and releases a song that you have replayed 783 times on your ipod three days after its release. really, guys, i don't know how she always manages to figure out what i need to hear. HOW DOES SHE READ MY MIND? excuse me while i live with my ipod in my ears for the next month straight and avoid all social interactions while i pretend taylor swift really is my therapist (i'm just kidding)(...kind of).
• the power of just putting a smile on your face even if you're not feeling it.
• coffee in the morning.
• when you love something, wear it three days in a row and forget that you can't seem to put anything else on your feet except a really awesome pair of heels that are more comfortable than every pair of flats you own.
• the scent of a really good men's deodorant. forget cologne, good deodorant is dreamy (no, i don't have a boyfriend, i just happen to be able to smell the lingering scent of my co-worker's deodorant in the lab all the time...).
• new underwear making you feel like an entirely new person. 
• the benefit of the doubt, even when it isn't earned nor deserved. i'm learning that just letting go of negative thoughts and choosing not to dwell gets you so much farther.
• taking portraits is the best way to get to know someone. would it be too weird to ask every future prospect if i can take his picture pre-date? yeah, probably.
• ignoring your incredibly messy bedroom post moving into my new apartment and watching five episodes of gossip girl instead (no, this is actually a terrible idea).
• accepting what is.

top & shoes: Ruche // skirt: Francesca's Collections

under the tracks

This week has been one of the most emotionally draining weeks I've had in a while. It seems that it's been both as bad and as good as it could possibly get and it's only Wednesday morning. The weirdest thing about death is that when it happens, it doesn't feel like the world should be able to keep moving. It doesn't seem like the world should exist without her and it doesn't seem like cars on the street should still be driving, work should still be in play, and anyone should be smiling. I can't for the life remember the last time I saw her and I am well aware that we didn't keep close... but to know the loss her family and our community is feeling is huge. My uncle called on Monday after seeing an article about the death in the New York Times and on ABC to ask if I knew her. Those articles don't even make it feel more real and yet the fact that it is and our community is on the receiving end of what is now a news story is... unfathomable.

I needed to get out of the house today and an excuse, so I helped my sister on her first ever pinterest DIY project and took her to Walmart. After being in my PJs for two days, I knew I needed to get out and do something "normal". I got this dress on a major sale at Ruche after eyeing it for months and months with a discount code and threw it on with my birthday heels. I know blogging seems so silly when bigger things are happening and to be honest, when something puts things into perspective for me, I do feel a little bit stupid blogging and talking about what I'm wearing. But I also know, too, that blogging does make me happy. My blog is my outlet, just like my journal or my various hobbies, and it's something I love. And when you're hit again with the realization that life is short, you also realize the little things that seem stupid and trivial do matter.

literally everything I'm wearing is Ruche, go figure...

the best

It's hard to describe how I feel today. I'm dealing with this the only way I know how, by writing and journaling. This morning, I woke up and the biggest worry on my mind was hearing back about my car still broken down in Missoula and going to my five hour shift at work with a coffee in hand. But I suppose that's how it always goes; you wake up not expecting the day to be any different and then you get the phone call that makes every little thing seemingly unimportant. I won't lie and act like we stayed in touch after high school and maintained the friendship we had, because unfortunately, we drifted apart before graduation naturally without any hard feelings or resentment. But our friendship was something I continued to cherish and just a story of the natural progression of two people just falling into different crowds and perhaps just moving in different directions. She is and always will be someone who inspired me and helped me through some of my own difficult times. Anne was Anne, there isn't another way of saying it.

There was a period of time in high school where I didn't really know where I "fit" or who I really wanted to be friends with. I went through a pretty difficult death in the family and in the aftermath, I'll never forget that it was Anne who knew what to say and possibly the only person who could relate; even though her situation had been much more difficult than mine. She was a close friend for a period of time and my only friend at that for a long while. In a lot of ways, I feel guilty right now, sitting here at my computer trying to get out the emotion I'm feeling right now because Anne was someone that just had an affect on every person. She wanted to change the world and at 20, she was already doing that. She died in an accident fighting a fire for the US Forest Service and I'm sitting here on my computer, blogging, and my biggest accomplishment is... going to college? She had a smile that made everyone feel loved, gave more than she ever took, performed the best break-dance talent our high school's Junior Miss will ever see, and was the best kind of friend anyone could have. She never asked, she was just there. She was a friend I'll always look up to and stronger than any single person I'll ever meet.

Life may have taken us down different paths, but what's important is remembering who she is. That won't change. When I look at my own life, it makes me wonder if there is anything in my life I'm doing selflessly for other people in the same way or if there is anything I would give my life for. It hurts the most knowing that this kind of tragedy could happen to someone so good, so real, and so giving and to a family who was so selfless and humble as a whole. Her death doesn't make her accomplishments more noble or more worthy; truthfully, Anne was a person that didn't need decoration or attention for others to know that she was one of a kind. I'm devastated and so, so sad today, but none of my personal grief can amount to what her family is going through or the loss the world will feel because of this. I'm praying for her family and keeping them in my thoughts because to lose someone like Anne isn't just a tragedy, it's impossible. I feel blessed to have been a part of her life while I was and know that she is someone who will always continue to push and inspire me. She's not one of the best, she's the best.

the longest weekend

i'm not really sure how to sum up the weekend i just had in just words (there are some really, really amazing pictures that will do it justice later), but let me just say that i have never been more happy to be home safely in my bed nor more excited to just fall asleep. i may or may not have just slept for eleven hours straight.

other than that, i'm hoping i finally catch up on the blog sometime this week (i hate getting out of a rhythm!) between the three senior portrait sessions i'm finishing up and a full work week before i head back to where i just came from for school. so hopefully you'll see me back here tomorrow.