Wednesday, April 27

back in the day

I woke up with a fever and sore throat.
Finals. Projects. Reading. Presentations.
Haven't studied nearly enough for my Chemistry exam tomorrow,
which I probably won't do well on.
I want to cry and throw a hissy fit at the world.
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For now, I just want to be two years old again.
I want my mommy.

(yes, that is me and my mom on my second birthday)

Sunday, April 24

happy easter!

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Easter is definitely one of my two favorite holidays (the other being Halloween). I'm not lying when I say that it seems to be some act of Mother Nature that Easter is always and notoriously the single prettiest day of the spring season in my little Idahoan town. My family aren't the regular Church attendees, but growing up, I absolutely adored Easter Sundays getting dressed up in a white flowery dress and going to church and eating tons of candy from my Easter basket and just spending the entire day in a Springy/Easter trance of perfection. I don't think Easter can do any wrong.
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Unfortunately, I am no longer in my little Idaho town. I was quite upset when I realized I wouldn't have my per usual Easter Sunday at home...but in an act to save all that is wonderful of Easter, my best friends and I decided to have a college-style Easter. We all woke up at the terrible hour of 7:45 AM (as opposed to the 11:30 AM Sunday wake-up call) and dressed up in pretty dresses (or sport coats, if you're Kaleb) and went to church and went to iHop and while we didn't hunt for any eggs, we gorged on our own pre-bought easter candy bought the night before at Walmart. It wasn't home, but in a way, my best friends here have very much become almost like family- transitioning into college together from the very start, going to when homesickness hurts, and all together the people I'm with every single day all day long. It was perfect in its own little way.
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I didn't post a St. Patrick's day outfit, so I decided I had to post my Easter outfit. I got this sweet little dress back when there was still a foot of snow on the ground and was planning spring outfits two months early. And now I can finally wear them and post them! Yay! I love the yellow/purple florals in this dress. It makes me feel like spring- even if the weather isn't exactly fitting the perfect sunshiney Easter norm, I still feel sunny wearing this outfit!
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I got these shoes in 7th grade. I can't say that for very many, but really, I still wear them all the time. I love that when you buy something, you never really know what that piece will mean in your closet. Like, I bought these on a whim and they've been a crucial part of my closet for six years now (holy cow, that makes me feel old). I also love that even though they're six years old, I still love them and wear them. Many of my 7th grade choices are definitely not something I love today. Haha!
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Welp, I have two and a half weeks left until school ends. Somehow, I managed to get the job I interviewed for over Spring Break that I was super nervous for and I start that not even a week later when I come back home. But I'm so excited that I have a job and a job in a lab, nonetheless. All my pre-med friends are so jealous. It pays to have connections!
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P.S. can you tell that Niklaas took these pictures? I can.

Thursday, April 21

funny face

seriously funny things that have happened to me today:

-Walking to the elevator, I narrowly avoided flashing the world. My good friend Maggie
stopped me and said, "Maggie!!! Pull down your dress! I can see your underwear!"
Yes. My dress was tucked inside my underwear. Whoops.

-Speaking of Maggie, I was in English and my Wyoming neighbor (seriously, 
we discovered that my family cabin neighbors his and we've never met before) told me he liked my
sweater. I said back, "Thanks! Maggie let me borrow it!" And he was all...."You refer to yourself
in third person?" And I giggled and explained that she was my friend...but he seriously doesn't
believe me and now thinks I'm a third person speaking geek. Like, really. He does.

-My friend Molly texted me after I saw her in the coffee shop and was like, 
"OOOOOH! Who's the boyyyy and does Niklaas know about him? ;)."
My response: "That was Niklaas ;)." Hahahahaha.

-Getting an A+ on my "Reflection Essay" in English and in the comments my teacher writing, 
"This is so beautiful and genuine. Nothing about it is forced and it touched me. Thank
you for all the wonderful things you said about this class."
Okay, so I might have bull crapped the entire essay. I felt a little guilty. Thank you
10th grade English class for giving me bull crapping skills.

-Tripping on a cobblestone in front of the 11 o'clock crowd in the center of campus. Haaa!

-Everything. And by that I mean, everything is making me laugh and it just must
be one of those laughing kind of days. I love it. It might have to do
with the fact that Niklaas is here.
Oh, and that does mean I'm posting pictures...tomorrow.

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Wednesday, April 20

Floor Nine

So here's what's going down on floor 9 of Aber Hall:

At the start of the school year, our neighbors kindly invited us over for some birthday cake and some quality sing-a-long jamming on their guitar. It all seemed pretty jolly and ho-hum, the kind of thing you anticipate when you go to college. A spontaneous birthday party on your dorm floor, meeting tons of new people, singing Matt Nathanson...what could go wrong?!?
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And then it started. Now, personally, I don't care if you smoke or drink or what you decide to do in your free time. It's your choice and while I wouldn't necessarily make the same decisions, if it doesn't affect me directly, who am I to say anything? One night in the middle of a Chemistry crisis, I smelled it. And...ten minutes later, my head started to ache. And then the yelling and music started. And for the next three hours, our room absolutely reeked and people in the hallways started knocking on our door to see where the smoke was coming from. Nope, not us. Just our neighbors smoking pot and stinking up both our room and the hall way. That's when it did start to affect me and when all of us started to get a wee bit annoyed.

Luckily, it didn't happen again for another month. And then it did, again, in the middle of a Chemistry crisis at my desk. It was an ugh moment but we let it pass again without notice. By this point, it was mid-November and there was only a month left in the semester so no one really cared enough to do anything. The next time, it was only 2 weeks later. And then twice more before the semester over. And, the worst night of all, the night before my Chemistry final. Now, we started to really get annoyed. I mean, really!?!? In our dorm? How could they not know that you could smell it from the other end of the hallway? How could you not think that our RA could catch them in a second? 
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Semester finally ended and my roommate and I and everyone on floor 9 forgot about our neighbors and their illicit activities in our dorm. After 5 weeks, we came back to semester and were nothing but smiles. It didn't take long for our neighbors to return to their old regime, however, and soon enough, it became once a day. And then....two times a day. And, as it got worse, so did their attitudes. Their sleeping schedules got messy and they started yelling at us to be quiet at 3PM...in the afternoon. And then staying up all night playing music. One day, we noticed a piece of paper next to their door in the hallway where the window at the end of the hall was located. People sometimes talk on the phone there because it's at the end of the hallway and a convenient place to  talk without disrupting the whole dorm. 

The sign said, "This is not a place to talk on the phone, please don't. -room 958." Our entire floor was pissed, I mean, where else do we have the option of going to talk on the phone for two minutes at night when our roommates are sleeping? And besides, did they ever respect any of us!? So, my friend Maggie taped another piece of paper right next to the other sign saying, "This is not a place to smoke your pot, please don't. -floor 9." Maybe not the most mature way to handle things, but after hearing a slew of obscenities and the ripping of paper when they discovered it, it stopped completely and once again floor 9 was drama free!

And then, again, things got worse. I guess we should have predicted this, fight fire with fire, and the whole floor would burn. Slowly, they started writing comments on our door white-board. And then unplugging our Christmas lights multiple times a day. And then unscrewing the lightbulbs. We only know that it was them because one of the other floor 9 gals saw them do it and told our RA. Finally, two days ago, my roommate woke up at the usual 7AM to shower. She walked outside her door to discover her shower caddy...gone. Gone. Literally, gone. Now, I guess we don't technically know who did it. But considering our neighbors across from us and next to us moved out and every other shower caddy was there perfectly intact, we have our fair guess. Together, we banged on their door and asked if they knew where it was. Our neighbor looked at us, smiled and laughed sarcastically, and said, "Why would we do that?" And slammed the door in our face. Huh.
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So that's where we're at now. Missing shower caddies. Awkward passings in the hallway. Watching them and all their friends look up when we enter the cafeteria. And, even if it's not them, who would honestly be stupid enough to steal a used razor, shampoo and conditioner, a body sponge, face wash, body wash, and awkward items that only belong to their rightful users in the shower? Like, honestly. The last thing I would want to do out of revenge is take something that has been where God only knows in the shower. It's laughable. It's hilarious. It's down right weird. My only guess as to who might be dumb enough to do this: people who will smoke pot in their dorm room with their door open when the RA is home. 

Truth be known, we'll probably never solve the mystery. And we'll never get along with our neighbors. But, I'll miss floor 9 in three weeks when the semester ends and I can't wait to laugh about the mystery of the missing shower caddy for years to come.

Monday, April 18

here comes your man

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I did one thing that weekend and that one thing was eat. I don't really know how it happened. Maybe it began with celebrating a dessert-free healthy eating week with a slice of pizza (note to self: never reward healthy eating with unhealthy eating) or maybe when we decided to go to iHop. And then going to the infamous ice cream shop in Missoula. And then eating a late night snack of grilled cheese. And then going to waffle bar in the morning. And then making cookies. And then a dollar scoop of ice cream. Oh lordy. Writing it all out makes me feel even more sick to my stomach. It's clearly time to hit the gym, folks.
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The most lovely girl in the world, Amber from Laughing With Broken Eyes, sent me this dress and boy, oh boy, did I feel like Summer Finn! Seriously. The baby blue hues and print...it was just too cute. I added a floral headband just to Summer Finn it even more (truly, that should be a verb) and then added socks. With oxfords. I'm in love. I need Amber to be my personal stylist so I can dress like Summer more often.
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I took these pictures over Spring Break by myself and let me tell you, I've never been stopped so many times by people wondering what I was doing. Most notably was a farmboy in a tractor (seriously) who pulled over and asked why I was taking pictures of myself in "that pretty dress, don't you know you're going to get it dusty?" and I had to refrain from laughing, although, I'm sure I blushed. I do that. All the time. My only regret was that he didn't have a true Southern accent. An Idaho farm-boy accent isn't quite the same, at all.
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So, lately, I've been sleeping...a lot. I like to think it's still left over tiredness from Spring Break...but I think it's been too long for that to swing anymore. After my super long day on Saturday of cleaning up the river and going to a track meet and consuming too many calories, I took a two and a half hour nap. And then passed out right after our second movie and slept a solid twelve hours. And after studying today, I slept for another hour and a half. The school week is really no better. I've started napping right after class. My friends are starting to comment about how often I've been sleeping. I think I'm just mentally exhausted from this year and all the stress is catching up to me. Oh, summer, hurry please!
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I have nine followers to get until I post my exciting giveaway. Speaking of which, would you all rather $50 to Modcloth...or to the Toms website? Huh, huh? PLEASE cast your vote!:)

Friday, April 15

black star

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Let's be perfectly honest about something. Most of the time, and by that I mean, all the time, I ask myself why I'm doing what I'm doing if what I want to do is the very opposite of what I'm working towards. I get to the point when I'm frustrated beyond words and I just want to be doing something I love, not something I can't understand. I think we're all kind of in the same boat at one time in our young lives. We all know what we want to do, or rather we know what we don't want to do, but how many of us are actually doing that single thing that we know would make us happiest? When I decided to get my pre-med undergraduate degree, I did it for one reason: because it was the most difficult major on our campus. And I guess, in the back of my mind I thought that if I could graduate with a degree that to me seems impossible to finish, I could do anything. I could get into journalism school and move to New York. I could go to Med school, graduate, and then go to journalism school and write. It's days like yesterday and today that I have to remind myself over and over again that some day, it'll all pay off. Struggling to understand something that my friend can explain in a single sentence. Spending 36 hours to study for some way. Wanting to cry because every other person has every night of the week to watch movies when I'm buried in books every single night. But somehow, in some way, I just know it will pay off. I like to think we're all on some sort of path to get where we are supposed to be and while I can't explain it, I can't help but feel like doing what I'm doing right now is what I'm supposed to be doing even if I despise it. I guess, in retrospect, I'm not dawdling with time, I'm doing something and it will help me in wherever I decide to go with it.
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I don't really know what made me feel the need to spew out all of this, but I guess it has a lot to do with my first year of college coming to an end and registering for more classes I'm destined to struggle in and just a general sense of seeing the next three years very definitely laid out for me. But, I have faith that everything will work out and I just know I'm doing the right thing. Killing myself to graduate with a Biology Pre-Med degree. Yes. It's going to be my mantra for the rest of college. "I can do it, I can do it!" Heh!
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I knew when I took these pictures that I had to post them as soon as possible because the cold is actually going away and it's only for so much longer that I can pull off my big huge cardigans. I'll be honest, again, and admit that it was only after I saw Tieka and Kate with their Urban Popcorn Bycorpus sweaters that I had to get one. And I got two. And they're the best things EVER. I live in them. Seriously, Kate and Tieka speak the truth. I don't take them off. Niklaas was slightly disgusted over spring break, I'm sure, and probably doesn't think I wear anything but these sweaters.
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When we decided to drive to Lewiston to take these pictures, I held up outfits for Niklaas to decide between, and this is what he chose. I loved layering this sweater over this dress! I'm so short that the sweaters alone could be dresses- it's crazy. I threw on a bow and grabbed my cowboy boots and was out the door. I love how these pictures turned out. Seriously, I wish Niklaas were around all the time so we could take advantage of the seriously beautiful scenery around our little home-town. Idaho and Montana are truly gorgeous states and one we reunite for good, you'll be seeing a lot more mountains and pretty things!
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dress-Forever21 sweater-Urban Outfitters boots-Charolette Russe headband-Forever21
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Okay. I need to crawl into bed..like ten minutes ago. Make that twenty. Curse you late night Thursdays! Noteable achievements this week: getting an A on my archaeology test I barely studied for and starting a project proposal worth a quarter of our grade ten minutes before class started and getting full credit. That's procrastination right there (and so not me). I hope to never butt heads with you again, procrastination.
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Wednesday, April 13

currently listening: april

april
[001] Fearless-Colbie Cailatt
[002] White Blank Page- Mumford and Sons
[003] Beautiful, Beautiful- Francesca Battistelli
[004] Stars- The XX
[005] We've Got Everything- Modest Mouse
[006] I Could Say- Lily Allen
[007] MFEO- Jack's Mannequin
[008] Who Says- Selena Gomez
[009] I Wanna Be The One- Fun
[010] I Do- Cataldo
[011] Marching Bands Of Manhattan- Death Cab For Cutie (c/o my sister)
[012] Don't You Wanna Stay- Jason Aldean ft. Kelly Clarkson
[013] Ours- Taylor Swift
[014] Annie Waits- Ben Folds
[015] By The Time- Mika ft. Ingrid Michaelson

Monday, April 11

i love

i love:
-chocolate chip pancakes for dinner
-the unfortunately named town called "Smelterville"
-niklaas' new flannel
-my best friend from having a boy toy
-eating lunch with my sister
-stalking colbie caillat (pictures to come)
-lucky underwear
-new towels bought by momma
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but most of all?
I LOVE ACING CHEMISTRY TESTSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

Friday, April 8

under my umbrella

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It was the middle of the night, lying on the baby blue floral couch we'd laid on just the same a thousand times before. Your fingers ran along my cheek, lips brushing familiar ground. Beneath layers of flannel and down comforters by the plenty, I could feel the warmth and pounding of your heart; irregularly regular at best. Everything was exactly as it should be; together, nestled in a singular place that could be pinpointed with the same tack on a map. And when your fingers brushed just there, I could feel the giggle rising in my throat without my consent and your lips smile as you tickled by accident. I pulled back ever so slightly feeling your warmth breath fill the space between us. I wanted to memorize every moment and keep it locked away tightly where I could always hold you again. I wanted the infinite ability to come back to precisely this. This moment that would forever hold us to the ease of our youth, just two kids on a single couch as nothing more than just kids. Under the blue light of the television screen, I saw your green eyes looking at me looking at you. And again, without a thought, I giggled.
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I find myself going back to everything these days. Thinking about those memories and thoughts that are now four seasons old. Remembering what I was doing, what I was thinking, where I was going just one year ago. So much has changed and all of it for the better, but it's only when the sun comes out granting coat-free weather once again that I realize just exactly where I am and where I was. I'm almost done with my freshmen year of college. I was a graduating senior. I'm going to college with my friendboy. I was best friends with someone I thought wasn't going to be in my life for more than a couple more months, if that. I'm almost 19. I was almost 18.  I am completely content. I was confused. I know it's not a lot and I know I tend to be a bit of a drama-queen, but I feel like a completely different person in a completely different relationship than I was on April 8th of last year. It's amazing, really, to come so far in just a year and to be able to really see in front of my eyes everything that's changed. I love being able to look at my diary from exactly a year ago and so specifically remember everything that was happening and comparing just how different they are now.
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distance
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One year ago, Niklaas and I had our first 'photoshoot'. We were driving around today, me in my new Modcloth umbrella dress and hot pink umbrella Niklaas made the decision of me purchasing. It's true, I'm so bad at weighing out in my head whether I want to spend the six dollars on something I know I will use frequently and is a practical choice. Like, impulse oxfords at Ross. Or a hot pink umbrella. We ended up at the exact same place where we had our first shoot one year ago. Last time, we didn't really know what we were doing. I laughed, awkwardly, a lot. And he clicked hesitantly, a lot. This time, it was easy. I laughed naturally and he clicked as he pleased. And, at the end of the day, I came away loving these pictures more than almost all of ours combined.
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dress-Modcloth tights-Forever21 shoes-Lulus bow-Forever21 umbrella-Ross
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Most of the time (okay, half of the time) I can regain debit card control against Modcloth when I fall in love. This was not one of these times. I saw the umbrella print and that was really all it took. It was an added bonus that it was not rayon and that it had buttons on the back. I knew upon first glance that I was going to use an umbrella when I finally took pictures of it. It seems that whenever we have the clearest visions for our shoots, they turn out the most different. However, this almost always means they turn out different for the best! I wanted dark and dreary for this shoot but we got bright and sunny. Which turned out perfect because I haven't had a drop of spring on the blog yet. I know everyone has long since dove into spring, but consider this my spring debut!
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I felt a little silly in yellow tights and an umbrella printed dress with a hot pink umbrella and blue bow in my hair. In fact, I felt like I was five years old again. But I couldn't be happier with how all the colors worked together and how happy these pictures are! I swear, this is the kind of photoshoot I want every single time. I think the constant in the equation is Niklaas. Hehe ;)
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Tonight, we are going to dinner and watching Tangled and doing fun adventure things. For those of you in a relationship, do you have designated "dates"?? It's so funny because if everything we planned together was considered a date...then we would have been dating much longer than we actually have. So when people like my mom say, "Oh, are you and Niklaas going on a date tomorrow?" I have to stop and think... well is it? Hahaha. I guess it depends on the definition ;) Nonetheless, it doesn't really matter to me. I have fun date or no date!
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